Tuesday, July 31, 2007

SPOKESMAN DENIES RUMOR

DOCTORS CAN’T FIND CHENEY’S HEART

On Saturday, July 28, Vice President Dick Cheney entered the hospital for the simple procedure of having the batteries in his heart monitor replaced. The battery is in a defibrillator, a device that sends a shock when it senses an irregular heartbeat, thus restoring a regular rhythm.

A few hours after he entered the hospital, the vice president left. Doctors said the procedure had been successful, and Mr. Cheney would be able to resume ordinary activities right away.

Seymor Spackle, spokesman for the vice president denied the rumor that the doctors had not been able to find Cheney’s heart. “This is absolutely outrageous. The man goes to the hospital for a serious procedure, and they start attacking him before he is even out of the anesthesia. The Democrats will stop at nothing,” Spackle said. “They’ve delivered some pretty low blows, but this is the worst. Instead of being glad that the vice president is in good health, they try to say that he has no heart.”

Monday, July 30, 2007

DEMOCRATIC BATTLES

OBAMA AND CLINTON

It comes as no surprise to Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin that front-runners Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are sniping at each other. Nor is he surprised that the pot shots are becoming increasingly nasty. Obama called Clinton “Bush-Cheney lite.” Whoa! That’s pretty vicious. Hillary shot back with, “Whatever happened to the politics of hope?” Take that, Barack!

Since the Democratic debate on July 23 the two candidates have been attacking each other. In response to the question about whether the candidates would meet with the leaders of unfriendly nations such as Cuba, Venezuela, North Korea, Syria, and Iran, Obama said yes, while Clinton said no. The next day Clinton called Obama’s response “irresponsible and na├»ve.” Obama came back by citing Clinton’s vote to authorize Bush’s war in Iraq. He also noted that Clinton had criticized Bush for not talking with some of those same leaders. And so it goes.

Dr. Perrin expects the feud between the two to become more bitter in the coming months. The caustic statements about each other are bound to turn voters off and push Obama and Clinton to the sidelines. This will leave room for a nice guy like Carl Perrin to move up and take his rightful place at the head of the pack.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

DIRIGO

DOES PERRIN HAVE ANY CHANCE OF WINNING THE NOMINATION?

The Democrats are beginning to snipe at each other. Dennis Kucinich charges that the front-running candidates are conspiring to keep him out of the running. Elizabeth Edwards suggests that Hillary Clinton is not the best candidate on women’s issues, and Bill Clinton comes to his wife’s defense. Hillary and Obama are taking shots at each other over the issue of talking to heads of rogue governments.

And where is Carl Perrin in all this? Is no one attacking him only because so few people realize that he is even in the race? How can he possibly compete against candidates who are raising millions of dollars, while he has less than $100 in his entire campaign fund? If you talk to Dr. Perrin, you will find him extremely relaxed and self confident. You would never guess from his manner that he is way behind even Dennis Kucinich. That is because he has a plan.

In August he is going to Maine to campaign. Maine’s state motto is Dirigo, which means “I lead.” There used to be a saying, “As Maine goes, so goes the nation.” Perrin is confident that the saying still applies. He expects to do very well in Maine. Volunteers all over the state are collecting returnable bottles that will swell his campaign treasury. While the other candidates are focusing on Iowa, New Hampshire, Florida, and California, Perrin is putting his effort in Maine. As far as the rest of the country is concerned, Perrin is travelling under the radar right now. Once he gets to Maine, the other candidates will be blindsided. He will seem to have come out of nowhere and rise to the top of the charts. People in Maine appreciate cheap beer, and they know they can depend on Dr. Carl Perrin to keep the price beer down so they average person can afford it.

Friday, July 27, 2007

IS McCAIN ON THE WAY OUT?

REPUBLICANS CANDIDATES SPENDING MORE THAN THEY ARE RAISING.

Just as George Bush came to the presidency with the huge surplus in the treasury and then frittered it away and turned it into a huge deficit, Republican candidates for the presidency are spending more than they are taking in. McCain took in $11.5 million and spent $13 million. His campaign fund is so low that he had to let scores of staffers go, and a handful of top campaign aides have quit. It doesn’t seem likely that he will be able to stay in the race very long.

Romney raised $14 million and spent $20.5 million. $5 million of that was for advertising. $300 was for makeup for the first debate. We wonder how much he spends on haircuts. He made up the deficit by lending the campaign $6.5 out of his own personal wealth. Guiliani is the only top Republican candidate who didn’t spent more than he took in.

The top Democrats, on the other hand, have brought in more than they spent. Obama has $32 million on hand for the primaries. Clinton has $21.5 million. Edwards is still firmly in the race with $13 million.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin is still hanging in there. His fund raising is up. He now has $43.71 in his campaign treasury. That doesn’t count the returnable bottles that volunteers are collecting for him in Maine. Perrin hasn’t spent any money. He is saving it for a big swing through Maine in late August. He doesn’t have to let any staffers go because he doesn’t pay anyone. All of his staff are volunteers. He doesn’t have to close down any campaign offices because he doesn’t have any. There is one family member who lets him use a phone number. No one answers it, but supporters can leave a message on the answer machine.

Unlike those Republicans who spent their money too soon, Perrin says he is sitting pretty. When the time comes, he will be ready to put his campaign into high gear.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

"DUMB AS HELL"

ANOTHER FLIP-FLOPPING REPUBLICAN

When Fred Thompson was on Senator Howard Baker’s staff in 1973, President Nixon said the staffer was “dumb as hell.” That may be too harsh, but Thompson does seem, like so many Republicans, to have memory problems. As a senator himself, Thompson told the Concord Coalition that he would back a balanced federal budget, but when it came up for a vote, he evidently forgot his promise and voted against it.

But Thompson is really wishy-washy on the subject of abortion. In 1994 he said, “The ultimate decision on abortion should be left with the woman and not the government.” But as a senator he voted to ban the so-called partial-birth abortion. Recently the National Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association hired him to lobby the Bush administration to help clinics get federal money for abortion counseling. Never before in history has a politician managed to take so many mutually exclusive positions on one issue.

In contrast to wishy-washy Republicans, Democratic candidate Carl Perrin is steadfast in his political outlook. He has always been a liberal and was always in favor of cheap beer.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

DEMOCRATIC DEBATES

It should not come as a surprise that Dr. Carl Perrin was not even invited to take part in the Democratic debates on July 23. The format for this debate was something new. Ordinary citizens submitted questions through YouTube.

Since Perrin wasn’t able to participate in the debate, we asked him to answer just one of the questions that had been submitted: Would you be willing to serve as president for minimum wage ($5.85 an hour rather than the $400,000 salary)? The only one who would not accept that slave wage was Connecticut senator Christopher Dodd, who said he had two young daughters to educate. Barack Obama stated that the people on the stage were doing pretty well financially.

Here is Perrin’s response to the question:

What’s wrong with these people? Are they nuts? None of them probably ever worked for minimum wage, and they don’t need the money anyway. But I do. That’s why I want to be president, because it pays more than any job I ever had. I could really use the dough. Sure you get free housing, transportation, and medical care, but who pays for the groceries? Who pays for beer? Stuff like that. It’s hard enough trying to get by on Social Security, but then they want to pay minimum wage on top of that for a full-time job! If I accepted minimum wage, they would be paying me less that they pay George Bush! The next thing you know, they’ll be putting the job up for bid and electing the person who will accept the lowest salary. Forget about it. When I am elected president, I want the full salary.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

VICE PRESIDENTS

COLONOSCOPY

Saturday morning, July 21, President Bush was sedated before undergoing a colonoscopy as part of a routine screening for colon cancer. Before he had the procedure, the president wrote a letter to the leaders of the House and Senate, in which he ceded his authority to Vice President Cheney while he was under the anesthesia. While Bush was under, Cheney was acting president.

Now that’s a scary thought! Yet it’s hard to imagine how Cheney could do any more damage as president than he has already done as vice president.

One thing you have to say for the Bushes, both daddy and son: They knew how to pick vice presidents. As bad as George Bush is, we realize it could be worse: What a disaster we would be in with a President Cheney! And Daddy Bush had Dan Quayle. If anything had happened to Daddy Bush, the dumbest man in American politics would have become president.

The good news, though, is that in their exploration doctors found several things that Bush hadn’t been able to find before: Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has not yet chosen his running mate, but he promises it won’t be a Cheney, and it won’t be a Quayle. “Whomever I choose,” Perrin says, “it will be a person of intelligence and integrity, someone who realizes that growing corn for ethanol needs to be balanced with crop supports for barley, so Americans can continue to get cheap beer.”

Monday, July 23, 2007

REPUBLICAN STRATEGY

REPUBLICAN SHARKS

As Jon McCain’s candidacy floats bleeding—some say dead in the water—other leading Republican candidates smell the blood and are circling for the kill. Mitt Romney and Fred Thompson are facing off, each one hoping to pick up the conservative, family-value voters. Guiliani supporters are hoping that Thompson and Romney divide the conservative Republicans and leave the field to Guiliani, who stands to pick up some of the moderate and independent voters who would have gone for McCain.

If Guiliani wins the Republican nomination, he will be likely to face Democratic nominee Dr. Carl Perrin. Neither man is going to get many conservative votes. Both have been married three times. At heart Guiliani is a moderate-liberal, but lately he has been kissing up to conservatives, for example, trying to get on all sides of the abortion issue. It’s hard to know where he really stands.

Perrin, on the other hand, has always been a liberal, and he has never kissed up to conservatives, hoping to get their votes. He is confident that the beer drinkers of American will vote for him.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

WHAT DOES ROMNEY REALLY BELIEVE?

MASSACHUSETTS FLIP FLOPPER

No, not John Kerry. We’re talking about that other Massachusetts flip-flopper, Mitt Romney. John McCain’s campaign is running out of steam, and we don’t know what to expect from Rudy Guiliani. But we do know what to expect from former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney: We can expect him to flip flop on issues. You remember Romney, the man who described himself as a life-long hunter, when it turned out that in his long life he had been on only two hunting trips.

It turns out that the secret of his success so far has been to flip flop on everything. In Massachusetts he presented himself as a moderate. Now he is trying to woo conservative voters by claiming to be a conservative. In 1994, while running for the U. S. Senate, he was pro-abortion, pro-homosexual rights. He said, “We seek to establish full equality for America’s gay and lesbian citizens.” Now he is anti-abortion and a strong advocate of traditional marriage. He is against adding sexual orientation to nondiscrimination laws. He has come out firmly on both sides of every issue from crop subsidies to immigration to Iraq to campaign financing to Guantanamo.

Our favorite candidate, Dr. Carl Perrin, was born in Massachusetts, but he is no flip-flopper. Perrin has always been in favor of cheap beer, American-brewed cheap beer. He is in favor of crop supports for barley to keep the price of beer affordable to every American. A vote for Perrin is a vote for cheap beer.

Friday, July 20, 2007

LET'S NOT EXCLUDE ANYONE FROM THE DEMOCRATIC DEBATES

KUCINICH CHARGES EDWARDS LACKING INTEGRITY

Dennis Kucinich attacked John Edwards as lacking integrity, saying that the former North Carolina Senator is “whispering, trying to rig an election.” The attack came after Edwards suggested privately to Hillary Clinton that the Democratic debates would be more serious if they were limited to smaller groups. Edwards evidently felt that with 21 candidates on stage, the process was becoming unwieldy.

Edwards later protested that he was not suggesting that anyone be excluded from future debates. Rather, he thought that the debates would be more productive if all the candidates were divided randomly into groups of four. That way the debates would be more productive and no one would be left out.

No one, that is, except Dr. Carl Perrin, who has not even been invited to any of the debates. Perrin would welcome an opportunity to debate any of the other candidates. He is particularly interested in hearing their position on cheap beer.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

APPEAL FOR CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION

OPEN LETTER TO WARREN BUFFETT

I read that you have raised money for Hillary and Barack and have had kind words to say for former Republican mayor Michael Bloomberg. That is really commendable. The thing is, though, Clinton and Obama don’t really need the dough. They’re already the top fund raisers among the dozens of presidential candidates, both Democratic and Republican.

The Democratic candidate who really needs financial help is Dr. Carl Perrin. Perrin supporters in Maine have been reduced to collecting returnable bottles to fund his race. He has not had enough money to do any real campaigning or advertising. If you would contribute to his campaign, that would help even up the race.

God bless you,

Carl Perrin

P. S. A vote for Perrin is a vote for cheap beer.

__________________________________

A note to readers of this blog:

If any of you have any connection with Mr. Buffett, even if you just own a few shares of Berkshire-Hathaway stock, please try to get this message to "Oracle of Omaha." In the long run it could help keep beer affordable for everyone.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCES IMPROVEMENT IN SCIENCE REPORTING

OFFICE OF TRUTH IN SCIENCE

White House spokesman Xavier Phloxm announced today that the administration is going to open an Agency for Truth in Science. “These scientists who work for the government, they’re a great bunch of guys and gals, and they’re doing a heck of a job,” Ploxm said, “but sometimes they get carried away with this science stuff.” Ploxm went on to point out that the scientists want to make decisions based on science without any regard for the political or business implications.

Some of them get caught up in liberal causes like Special Olympics, sex education, and global warming. They want to encourage young, unmarried people to used condoms, when everyone knows that abstinence is the moral way to go. They want to make reports about the danger of second-hand smoke without even considering the economic costs of such reports to the tobacco companies. They keep trying to trot out their opinions on stem cell research, when they should know that the administration has already made up its mind on the issue. They keep trying to bring out reports about inadequate health care in prisons. They entirely overlook that the people in prison are criminals. Why should they have adequate health care? And who is going to pay for it?

The new Agency for Truth in Science will have operatives in every federal agency. Their job will be to help scientists see the big picture, the political and business impact of their reports, not the scientific side. They will also make sure that every page in speeches given by bureaucrats will contain favorable references to our glorious leader three times.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

One of the Nicest and Most Honorable Men

SOME VERY SERIOUS SINS

Jeanette Maier of New Orleans called Senator David Vitter “one of the nicest and most honorable men I’ve ever met.” The senator has long been a champion of family values. He is against abortion and same-sex marriage. Despite his strong position on family values, however, Mr. Vitter has no objection to patronizing whorehouses. His name, along with that of former U. S. Global AIDS coordinator Randy Tobias, was found on the telephone list of D. C. madam Deborah Jeane Plafrey.

This is not the first time that Vitter has been connected with prostitutes. Jeanatte Maier, who called him, “one of the nicest and most honorable men,” should know. She was acquainted with lots of men in her role as madam of a high-priced New Orleans brothel.

To his credit, the senator did not try to claim, like Randy Tobias, that he has “some gals come over to give him a massage.” Vitter admitted that he had some “very serious sin in his past.” We agree. Hypocrisy is a serious sin.

Senator Vitter had been campaigning for Rudy Guiliani in the South because the former New York City mayor needed someone with a strong conservative image to counteract his moderate/liberal position.

Guiliani is now looking for a conservative family-values politician who doesn’t have a secret life of hidden sin.

Monday, July 16, 2007

CARL PERRIN WITH YOUNGER WOMAN


BLACKMAIL

First they threatened to release embarrassing pictures of Miss New Jersey, Amy Polumbo, if she didn’t give up her crown and drop out of the Miss America contest. The threat came with a letter that contained some pictures, evidently taken from her FaceBook posting. The letter threatened even worse pictures if Ms Polumbo didn’t drop out of the race. The young woman bravely refused to drop out of the race, saying the photos didn’t show anything illegal or immoral.

Now we have a new twist in blackmailing public figures. Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin received a similar threatening letter with a picture of a woman who looks young enough to be his daughter. We are posting the picture on this site only because we know it will be appearing in every tabloid in America.

Like Ms. Polumbo, Perrin is refusing to drop out of the race. The Miss New Jersey pictures have been released. Most people would consider them pretty mild, and she is still in the Miss America race. Perrin doesn’t know what pictures of him might surface. “I haven’t been perfect,” he admits, “but I think the American people are willing to forgive me a few minor peccadilloes.”

Saturday, July 14, 2007

JANET PERRIN CAMPAIGNS FOR HUBBY


CANDIDATES’ SPOUSES

No doubt about it, Hillary Clinton is one smart cookie, but she doesn’t have Bill’s charm or charisma. Her dilemma is that she wants to use her husband’s vote-catching appeal, but she doesn’t want him to take the spotlight away from her. She has been dragging him along while she marches in Fourth of July parades and events like that. When she gives a speech, he limits himself to a five-minute intro (not easy for him).

It seems to be working, so Hillary’s rival, Dr Carl Perrin is going to use his charming spouse to help him bring in the votes. Janet Perrin is a well-known artist in Ocean County, NJ, and she knows a lot of people in the area. Not only that, but she’s a good-looking dish.

It’s too late for the Perrins to march in Fourth of July parades, but Labor Day is coming up, and so is Halloween and so forth. You can expect to see Carl and Janet in lots of places from now on, and Janet is definitely going to introduce him to every art group in Ocean County.

Friday, July 13, 2007

A VOTE FOR PERRIN IS A VOTE FOR CHEAP BEER

CROP SUPPORTS FOR BARLEY

There is general agreement among Carl Perrin’s friends and family that he is the best qualified among the dozens of candidates, both Democrat and Republican, for the presidency. Once he starts raising more money and getting his name out, the voters will recognize this and vote him in.

Because Perrin is getting better known every day, people are beginning to ask where he stands on the issues. Perrin is a serious candidate and knows people have these questions, so he is sharing his view on one major issue in this blog.

While Perrin is all for corn being used for the production of ethanol to cut down on the burning of fossil fuels and decreasing our dependency on foreign oil, he does not think this should be done at the expense of growing less barley. Malt is made from barley, and beer is made from malt. When farmers stop growing barley because corn is more profitable, there is less malt for making beer, and the price of beer has been going up steadily in the last year.

The Declaration of Independence, which we recently celebrated, cited certain “inalienable rights,” among which was the “pursuit of happiness.” If the price of beer makes it prohibitive to the average American, a lot of people ain’t gonna be happy.

We must do something now. Candidate Perrin calls for government crop supports for barley. There needs to be an incentive for farmers to grow enough barley to keep the price of beer from rising any further.

You will not see Perrin waffling on an important issue like this. When it comes to keeping cheap beer available, Perrin tells it like it is.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

CAMPAIGN FUNDS

IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT MONEY

John Edwards came in third among the leading Democratic candidates in money raising for the second quarter of this year. He pointed out that the amount of money raised was not what determined who would represent the Democrats in the next presidential race. Three years ago Howard Dean raised a lot more money than anyone else before the primaries, but John Kerry won the nomination. Edwards went on to say, “Among the three of us, I’m the underdog. I’m fighting. I like that place. It’s always worked very well for me. That’s the story of my life.”

The former North Carolina senator went on to say that he would have $40 million, plenty of money to run in the early primaries. They could make all the difference in choosing the nominee.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin agrees with Edwards completely. Perrin is way behind Edwards in fund raising, even behind Dennis Kucinich, but Perrin has a volunteer staff, made up of friends and relatives. They are making contacts and spreading the word. Although Perrin doesn’t have much cash in his campaign fund, his supporters in Maine are collecting returnable bottles that will really swell his treasury. A lot can happen in the next year.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

KEEP CHEAP BEER

NATIONAL CRISIS

My fellow Americans, we are now facing an emergency: The price of beer is going up! Just yesterday we wrote about the consequences of using sake for automobile fuel. We warned that it could happen to beer. We would be faced with the dilemma of whether to use a keg of beer to go to work or to use it for a party. We are now at that turning point in our history.

A six pack costs three percent more than it did a year ago. That’s the biggest increase in several years. If you go to your local tavern and get a cold draft beer, the increase in price is even more, almost four percent. It couldn’t come at a worst time, just when we need a couple of cold ones to get ourselves through the latest hot spell.

Of course the price of everything goes up. The cost of glass, cardboard, energy, transportation, etc. have gone up, but what has made the cost of beer increase faster than inflation is barley, which has increased seventeen percent since last year. Beer is made from malt, which is made from barley. It’s frightening.

What has pushed the price of barley up so high? Just one thing: farmers who used to grow barley are now cultivating more lucrative grains, especially corn. Why corn? Because it is used in make ethanol to be used as automobile fuel.

We have no objection to farmers’ growing crops for ethanol, but does it have to be barley? Does it have to be something that affects the price of beer? If we had any kind of government, there would be crop supports to keep the price of barley low for Americans. When Carl Perrin becomes president of the United States, you won’t see people having to choose being cheap beer and automobile fuel.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

ALTERNATIVE FUEL

FILL IT UP WITH SAKE

At some point in the future Japanese cars might be running on sake, rice wine, rather than on straight gasoline. A project in Shinanomachi, Japan, is experimenting with rice-based ethanol to burn in their automobiles. The experiments involve waste materials such as rice husks being converted into material that can be used along with gasoline to power their cars. We think this is a good idea—as long as they keep it in Japan.

If the Japanese want to get a gallon of rice wine and then decide whether they want to drink it or put it in the tank, that’s fine, but if we move that venue to the U. S. and imagine ourselves with a keg of beer, that’s a different story. Are we going to use the beer to get to work this week, or are we going to have a keg party? You can see the problem.

First they came and took all the sake to use for automobile fuel, and I didn’t protest because I don’t really like sake. Then they came and took all the tequila for fuel, and I didn’t protest because of an unfortunate incident some years ago. Eventually it’s going to come to beer, and it will be too late to protest. We want to stop this thing in its tracks before someone throws all the beer into the gas tank.

Monday, July 9, 2007

CAN PERRIN BE PRESIDENT OF THE US AND THE COMPUTER CLUB?

MULTITASKING

When Hillary Clinton ran for reelection to the U. S. Senate, people wondered if she was gearing up for a presidential run in 2008. She assured voters that her only concern at that time was to serve as U. S. senator from New York for the next six years. Obviously things have changed. Now all her energy seems focused on winning the Democratic nomination for the presidency.

When New York City mayor Mike Bloomberg announced recently that henceforth he was an Independent rather than a Republican, to most people the only reason for the change was to put himself in position to run the nation’s top office as an Independent. Bloomberg said he “had no plans” to run for the presidency. He expected to remain at his job in city hall until the end of his term. Yeah, right.

It should come as no surprise that then members of the village computer club wonder if their president, Dr. Carl Perrin, will abandon them when he is elected president of the United States. In a prepared statement, Perrin assured club members that he will continue to serve as chief executive of the club even while he is leading the country in Washington, D. C. How is this possible? You may ask.

It’s as easy as pie, Perrin assured us. Former Newark mayor Sharpe James ran the city for over 20 years, and at the same time he was a member of the state of the New Jersey state legislature. If James could do two jobs at once, why can’t Perrin? The present White House occupant spends half of each summer in Crawford, Texas. Why can’t Perrin spend a couple of months a year at his regtirement village? Other presidents often spent weekends at Camp David. Why can’t Perrin spend his weekends at his New Jersey condo? He could even make it a long weekend so he will be there on Monday for the Computer Club meeting.

So, Computer Club members don’t have to worry. Perrin is used to multitasking. He can spend Monday showing people how to do things like add attachments to their email. Tuesday through Friday he can be in Washington, taking care of the nation’s business.

Friday, July 6, 2007

HAS PERRIN GONE OVER THE EDGE?

Lakewood, NJ, resident Carl Perrin, seeking to establish his reputation as a computer nerd, recently acquired a binary clock—not digital, mind you, but binary. Instead of conventional numbers, the clock has a series of lights, which represent numbers in binary code.

We sent our reporter to interview the legendary nerd. Perrin was eager to show us his new toy. “The first light in each column represents one, the second represent two, and the third is four. It doubles each times it moves up one place. It’s a four-bit binary number. It’s really fascinating the way it works.”

Perrin’s wife, the long-suffering Janet, merely rolled her eyes. “You think this is bad,” she said. “You should hear him when he gets started on grammar.”

Thursday, July 5, 2007

IS McCAIN IN TROUBLE?

REPUBLICAN FUND RAISING

Several Republican candidates for the presidency have revealed their fund-raising numbers for the second quarter. Rudy Guiliani leads this race with $17 million. Mitt Romney is next with $14 million.

The Republicans are trailing Democrats in fund raising. The top three Republicans (Guiliani, Romney, and McCain) raised a total of $49 million in the second quarter. That compares with $69 million for the top three Democrats (Obama, Clinton, and Edwards). The top Democratic fund raiser, Barack Obama, raised nearly twice as much money as Guiliani, $32.5 million to $17 million.

The really big news here, though, is that John McCain is really hurting. His campaign collected much less than expected, less even than he raised during the first quarter. He has only $2 million in the bank to fund his campaign. Because of this, he is going to skip the influential Iowa straw poll, and he is cutting his campaign staff way back, from 120 to 40.

Democratic candidate Dr Carl Perrin of course collected even less campaign money than McCain, but Perrin is still in good shape. He wasn’t planning to enter the Iowa race anyway, and he won’t have to cut back on his campaign staff because he doesn’t have one. Incredible as it seems, Perrin is running his own campaign, answering the phone, writing campaign literature, and all that stuff.

Of course Perrin has a lot of volunteers working for him. He said he doesn’t need campaign headquarters all around the country because he has lived in a lot of different states and has contacts who will be ready to help him when the time comes. He’s especially strong in Ocean County, New Jersey, and in Maine, where volunteers are collecting returnable bottles to help finance his campaign.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

ZERO TOLERANCE

A kindergarten student in Rhode Island was suspended for 10 days for bringing a butter knife to school to cut cookies. This was part of the school’s zero tolerance policy against bringing knives to school.

A 10-year old boy with epilepsy was suspended after he brought anti-seizure medication to school. Another child was suspended after he gave his cousin a cold pill for which they both had a prescription.

A few years ago a kindergartener was suspended when he came to school on Halloween wearing a fireman costume and carrying a play axe because the school said the axe was a weapon. Well, it could be used as a weapon, but so could a ball point pen.

We reported on this blog the case of an honor girl who terrorized her middle school by wearing Tigger Sox to school.

We just wonder when school will start applying zero tolerance policies to stupidity.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

CAMPAIGN FUNDS

Barack Obama broke records in fund raising this past quarter. With $32.5 million, he surpassed Hillary Clinton’s $27 million. John Edwards was in third place with $9 million. Of course he had some help from unofficial fund raiser Ann Coulter, who kept saying nasty things about Edwards so he could use her statements to get more contributions. Edwards also raised his fund raising base to 100,000 donors.

The Republicans have not announced their figures, but Senator McCain’s campaign has stated that they do not expect to meet their fund-raising goals, while Mitt Romney’s expects to exceed theirs.

Where does Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin stand in all this? Donations to the Perrin campaign are up too. It may not sound like much compared to $32.5 million and $27 million, etc, but Perrin now has $23.73 in his campaign fund. A good part of this was from the $10 bill that Perrin found in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Brick, NJ. “It was like some public-spirited citizen deliberately left the ten spot as a contribution to my campaign.” Perrin said.

Although Perrin’s fund may seem paltry compared to funds in the million dollars, he remains upbeat. Donations are up, he says, and there’s a long way to go to the primaries. He’s not going to spend a lot of money getting his name out there because a lot of people already know him. Then at the last minute he will mount a media blitz to end all media blitzes.

“Besides,” Perrin adds with a smug smile, “my people in Maine are collecting returnable bottles for my campaign. They have almost $20 worth of bottles waiting for me at the ‘Perrin for President’ headquarters in Maine.”

Monday, July 2, 2007

BLOOMBERG FOR PRESIDENT?

BLOOMBERG AN INDEPENDENT?

New York mayor Mike Bloomberg has been a Democrat and a Republican, and now he announces he is an Independent. Can’t the guy make up his mind? He went to California to make his announcement. Why couldn’t he have declared his change of party back in old New York? People naturally began to speculate that the mayor is planning to run for the presidency. With only 47 people running for that office now, there seems to be plenty of room for another candidate. When reporters asked him if he was going to for that high office, he said he plans to serve out his term as mayor of New York City. What about Bloomberg and California governor Arnold Schwartzenegger running together at the head of an Independent Party? Bloomberg answered that he “had no plans” to run. Yeah, right.

As expected, pundits around the country began to talk about a Perrin/Bloomberg ticket. Reporters went to Perrin for President headquarters to ask the candidate if he would consider running as a vice presidential candidate in an Independent Party. Perrin was having his afternoon nap, so he could not be interrupted to talk to the press. However, a spokesperson said that Perrin is a life-long Democrat. Unlike Bloomberg, who changes parties as often as some people change their socks, Perrin is not going to shift parties for some kind of political opportunity. Further, he is a candidate for the presidency, and he will not consider running as vice president. Anyway, why should he even think about running as an Independent? He is sure to win the Democratic nomination.