ELECTION CHAOS

    

 Things are getting really dicey. Just a couple of weeks to the Republican 

Convention, and huge numbers of GOP stalwarts are doing all they can to prevent Donald Trump from getting the nomination. The Bushes are not going to the convention. George Will has dropped out of the Republican Party. The Koch brothers are not contributing to Trump's campaign. Republican senators are saying that they might vote for Hillary! Republican leaders in both the House and Senate are criticizing some of The Donald's most outrageous Statements. Mitch McConnell refused to say whether Trump was qualified to be President. Polls show Hillary 12 points ahead of Donald.

    Meanwhile everything is not all sweetness and light with the Democrats. A tell-all book by a former Secret Serviceman is letting secrets out of the bag. According to this book, Hillary once threw a lamp at Bill. Pictures of the broken lamp are offered as proof. The Clinton White House was a wild, swinging times, filled with cocaine sniffing orgies. Oh My!

    Former Presidential candidate Carl Perrin has not escaped from all this calumny. Stories that came out during his 2008 campaign are rising to the surface again. According to these stories, he used federal funds to travel to Maine to see a woman young enough to be his daughter. This story was completely insidious because on the surface it is true, but the insinuation is not. The "federal funds" that Perrin used were his Social Security check. The woman "young enough to be his daughter" was in fact his daughter. Why would stories like this come out now? Perrin wasn't even in this election campaign. He found that all that politicking was interfering with his nap time. However, Hillary is looking for a vice presidential candidate to run with her. Naturally the former English professor's name came up.

Why would anyone object to Perrin's being named to the Democratic ticket? Two theories come up. Some politicians object to Perrin not because they have anything against him, but because they are promoting some other candidate for the job. Still others say that they object to Perrin because he is not qualified for the job! 

    When he was running for office in 2008, he didn't have a fully-planned platform, these people say. The only thing he promised was cheap beer. Nothing about taxes, defense, health care. Cheap beer is important, but there are other things that should concern the President.

    Perrin isn’t even sure he wants the job. Why should he settle for being vice president? He is already president of the LV Computer Club

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS

Donald Trump has a curious way of making friends. According to him, Mexicans in the U.S. are murderers and rapists. John McCain is not a hero because he was captured. Anyway, McCain is a dummy. President Obama is incompetent. Karl Rove is a loser, as are his opponents in the contest for the Republican nomination.

Trump’s opponents are not just losers, but John Kasich is desperate, Rick Perry needs new glasses, and Lindsay Graham is a stiff. Trump said this as he gave out Graham’s phone number on television. Politicians can be bought. He gave a lot of money to Rand Paul as well as to the Clinton Foundation. Because of that gift, Hillary was forced to come to Donald’s wedding.

Reporters are a dishonest lot. Fox news anchor Chris Wallace is living in a dream world. Debate moderator Megyn Kelly asked him some tough questions because she was having her period. He has called women “fat pigs, slobs, and animals.”

Clearly Trump can charm the socks off anyone. If he keeps going, it won’t take long to alienate everyone who has missed his venom so far. 

THE UNTHINKABLE

Just a few weeks ago it would have been unthinkable. The Donald has risen to the top of the Republican race for the presidential nomination. At the same time Hillary keeps losing ground. The vast majority of the electorate does not trust her. Bernie is speaking to large numbers and raising millions in campaign donations. He is looking better all the time. And yet many thoughtful people say that Bernie is too extreme, that he is unelectable.

Is it possible? Could Trump actually win the Republican nomination and then go against a weakened Democrat, Clinton or Sanders? Could Trump actually be elected president of the United States? OMG!

It really is unthinkable, but what if it does happen? New Jersey senior citizen Carl Perrin has his answer. A few years ago he learned that when he was born, his parents were still Canadian citizens. If the unthinkable happens, could he claim dual citizenship? Could he move to Canada? 

SINKING LIKE A ROCK

Pollster John Zogby says that Hillary’s campaign is “in trouble… She is frankly sinking like a rock.” Bernie Sanders, according to Zogby, is just an alternative to Hillary. “He is a progressive with flash and bones, but essentially he’s not a very appealing person.”

Sooner or later, the pollster says, somebody else will jump into the race, someone who can electrify the base of the party, possibly Joe Biden or John Kerry. A third name that Zogby didn’t mention is Carl Perrin. Could he be the one? For the time Perrin is not commenting.

INAUGURATION FESTIVITIES

Former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has not yet received his invitation to the inaugural festivities. Perrin is sure it is an oversight. Some low-ranking clerk forgot to send the message to the former candidate. Or maybe the invitations haven’t been sent yet. There are still over forty days to the big event.

The former English professor ran first in the Democratic primary. When he failed to win the Democratic nomination, he ran as a Family Values candidate, running under that aegis because he has been married three times. True, Perrin did not win any delegates in either race, but he graciously withdrew at the eleventh from the November vote, throwing his weight behind Barack Obama. While Perrin didn’t have that many followers, his withdrawal was a symbolic gesture, a generous offer to back the young man who became president-elect.

Obama’s strongest opponent in the primaries has now been named as the Secretary of State in the Obama administration. You can be sure that she will be dancing at the Inaugural Ball. Perrin admits that he still hopes to become part of the Obama administration, perhaps as head of a commission to keep the price of beer affordable to American working men and women.

The former English professor is hoping that this message will get to someone on Obama’s transition team. Just check out the breakdown in communications and be sure that Perrin gets his invitation. He is keeping his calendar clear so he can attend the big party.

WILL PERRIN BE OFFERED THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL SPOT?

When Hillary Clinton finally dropped out of the presidential race, people started talking about her as the vice presidential candidate. Naturally, Dr. Carl Perrin’s supporters are wondering the same about him.

Sources close to Perrin, however, tell us that he is not enthusiastic about the 2nd spot on the ticket. The only thing about the VP job that appeals to him is the salary. Although it is less than half of the presidential salary that he once hoped to earn, $186,000 seems pretty good to a man who struggled on a teacher’s pay for almost 50 years.

Actually, Perrin says, he would prefer a job that isn’t in the limelight so much. The VP has to do all the dirty work and then take the blame when anything goes wrong. Look at all the criticism of Dick Cheney. Perrin wouldn’t want that kind of negativity directed toward him.

Dr. Perrin would rather have a cabinet post. The salary is only $149,000, and it doesn’t include free government housing, but it wouldn’t require as much work. So he asks the VP search committee to leave him out, but remember him when they start to fill cabinet posts. President Obama might even want to create a new post just for Dr. Perrin, something like the Secretary of Cheap Beer.

WILL PERRIN PULL OUT OF THE RACE?

Now that the end is in sight, super delegates are rushing to endorse Barack Obama’s campaign. Former presidential candidate John Edwards has thrown his weight behind Obama. Democratic leaders are calling for Senator Clinton to pull out so that the party will be unified in its fight for the White House in the general election.

Surprisingly, no one has called for Dr. Carl Perrin to withdraw his candidacy, even though he has run a strong campaign based on a platform of cheap beer. For a while analysts speculated that Perrin was hoping for Hillary and Barack to go to the convention with the vote split between them. According to this scenario, the convention would then have to come up with a compromise candidate, someone who could pull the party together. And who would be better in this role than Carl Perrin?

Both Clinton and Perrin have their motives for hanging in there by their fingernails. If Clinton stays in just a little while longer, she might be able to raise a little more money to pay off the huge debt that her campaign has generated. Perrin, on the other hand, may be hoping that the senator from Illinois might offer him some soft job in his administration.

Not so fast, insiders say. While Perrin may recognize that he has little chance of winning the Democratic nomination, nothing will prevent him from running as an Independent. During the time that Perrin lived in Maine, it had two Independent governors. Connecticut and Vermont have Independent senators. It would be a big mistake to write Perrin off too soon.

SHOULD PERRIN GET A TATTOO?

Hillary Clinton has been trying to portray Barack Obama as an elitist, out of touch with blue collar working men and women. Obama didn’t help himself when he said that people in small towns get bitter and turn to guns and religion. Then we see Hillary in a bar hoisting a mug of beer, while Barack goes to a bowling alley and throws a gutter ball. The image is beginning to stick, and it is hurting the Illinois senator in the voting booth.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin may be suffering from the same kind of negative image. Some people see him as an English professor who goes around correcting people’s grammar. While Perrin is happy to hoist a mug of beer, especially if it is cheap beer, he is a worse bowler than Barack Obama. Maybe some people see him as an elitist, and that is why he gained so few votes in the primaries.

According the Perrin campaign manager Aristotle Mongoose, that is about to change. Perrin is about to show that he is a real down-to-earth kind of guy. He is going to get a tattoo. He is thinking about his wife’s name enclosed within a heart. He was planning to put the tattoo on his shoulder, but he realized that there would be little occasion to remove his shirt on the campaign trail, so now he is considering having the tattoo on his forearm. That way he can go into a bar, order a beer, and roll up his sleeves, so the television camera can show him holding a beer and displaying his tattoo. That should help portray the former English professor as a man of the people.

The only problem is that Perrin is afraid of needles, so it may be a while before anyone sees the actual tattoo.

30 CENTS A DAY

With the price of everything, including food and gas, going up, I’ve had to cut back on all kinds of things. Luckily I can still afford to buy cheap beer, but I can no longer pay for a Starbucks latte. However, with Senator Clinton’s and Senator McCain’s new plan, things are about to change. These two senators want to suspend the federal tax on gasoline for the summer months. (They both have some really strange ideas about how to make up the shortfall in the overextended federal budget, but I don’t care about that kind of stuff. I just want to get the extra money that will be in my pocket when I don’t have to pay the gasoline tax.)

I stay up nights trying to decide what to do with all that extra money that I will have if Clinton-McCain plan passes. According to some estimates, the average driver will save about 30 cents a day. Wow! If I put that 30 cents aside each day, over a month it would come to—let’s see--$9.00! If I just add a little more that, then three times a month I could afford a Starbucks latte. Thank you, Hillary and John.

SAVE US FROM PANDERERS

Senator John McCain has come up with a wonderful idea. Why doesn’t the government suspend the federal tax on gasoline during the summer when people drive so much more? Senator Hillary Clinton climbed right aboard the gas tax holiday with her buddy John. The Arizona senator would make up for the loss of tax revenue from the general fund, which means it would not be made up. The New York senator would balance the money lost in the tax holiday by putting a windfall tax on the oil companies. This is a proposal that has already come before the senate and rejected.

Barack Obama doesn’t think dropping the tax during the summer months makes much sense, and it could even lead to higher gasoline costs. If people drive more and use more petroleum, the cost of gasoline could go up even further, negating the effect of the dropped tax. Furthermore, the tax money now goes for highway maintenance. The loss of funding for that would lead to a loss of thousands of construction jobs, just when we need to create jobs.

How much would the average family save if the gas tax is suspended from Memorial Day to Labor Day? According to a CNN article the average family would save about $2.35 every time they fill their tank. Congressional analysts,however, say that that means the average family would save about $30 over the summer. Well, whoop-te-do! I can see families sitting around discussing what they’re going to do with all that money.

Unfortunately, people will not see the false promise of McCain/Clinton scheme. Pretending to give something to everyday people, their plans will just drive up the price of gasoline, negating the “savings” which the two senators offer. They’ll repeat the false charges that Senator Obama is “out of touch” with common people, and they’ll go to the polls and vote for the panderers.

JEREMIAH WRIGHT TO THE RESCUE

Just a few weeks ago Barack Obama seemed on track to win the Democratic nomination. He had more votes than Hillary Clinton, more delegates, more endorsements by super delegates, and he was way ahead in fund raising. Democratic leaders were calling on the New York senator to drop out of the race so that the party could come together and prepare to fight the Republican candidate. When clips of Jeremiah Wright’s speech God damning America started appearing on the Internet, the Illinois senator gave a masterful speech in response to it. He was able to project his ability to see both sides of the race conflict. People were saying that the contest of Obama’s to lose.

And right away he started lose it. Hillary was expected to win in Pennsylvania, but the outcome might have been closer if it had not been for Barack’s comment that when small town people (poor whites) became bitter, they turned to guns and religion. Whoops! It was not only probably wrong factually, but it was certainly impolitic. Hillary called him an elitist who didn’t understand working class people. Then we see her on television in a bar with mug of beer and then with a shot of whiskey, while Barack goes to a bowling alley and throws a gutter ball. People wonder why he doesn’t wear an American flag in his lapel. Maybe he’s lacking in patriotism, particularly when you consider Wright’s comments damning America and Michelle Obama’s statement earlier in the campaign that for the first time in her adult life, she is proud of America.

A flag in the lapel is no true measure of patriotism, of course, but part of being a politician is creating an image. It wouldn’t hurt the Illinois senator to wear a flag pin in his lapel or to be seen hoisting a mug of beer.

Anyway, just at this crucial moment, Jeremiah Wright comes to the rescue. The reverend has been popping up all over the television. He mimicked JFK’s New England accents and LBJ’s Texas accent, charging that no one told those men that they spoke bad English. Black children, however, who speak Ebonics are told that their English is incorrect. He insisted that attacks on his statements are not an attack on him or on Barack Obama but attacks on the black church. Huh?

All Barack Obama needs now is an endorsement from Dick Cheney.

DEMOCRATIC DEBATE

For the past week Barack Obama has been taking flak because he suggested that lower middle class whites were embittered by their lack of power. Because of this they turned to guns and religion and animosity toward people who didn’t look like them. He lost some points in that statement.

Big Bill said the Hillary “misspoke” about coming under fire in Bosnia because she was old and tired. Hillary loses some points for the misstatement. Bill loses lots of points and has to sleep on the couch—again.

Hillary brought up Barack’s pastor, Jeremiah Wright, who made anti-American statements. Both Hillary and Barack lose points, Barack for a suggestion of possible insufficient patriotism, Hillary for the perception of negative campaigning. Wright is old news, and Barack had already eloquently responded to the issue.

Hillary points out that Barack served on a board in Chicago with former Weather Underground member Bill Ayers, now an English professor. (You have to be suspicious of English professor no matter what their background is.) Hillary looks as though she’s grasping at straws. When Ayers was part of the Weather Underground, Barack was eight years old. Anyway Big Bill had pardoned some members of the Weathermen.

Who won the debate? John McCain, no doubt about it.

ANNIE OAKLEY

At a San Francisco fund raiser last week, Barack Obama said some working-class voters are bitter over their economic circumstances and "cling to guns and religion" as a result. Over the weekend Hillary Clinton called the remarks “elitist and divisive.” She went on to say she had learned to shoot a gun during summer vacations when she was a child. Not only that, but she shot a duck once when she was in Arkansas.

Obama has charged that she was talking like she was Annie Oakley. Now Vice President Dick Cheney wants to get into the act. He’s not about to let a Democrat outgun him. He has challenged Annie Clinton to a contest. They will go duck hunting and see who can shoot the most duck hunters. Oops! Make that ducks.

A BIG HELP

At one time Bill Clinton was seen as the most talented politician in America. As people saw it, Bill’s political skills would be really helpful in getting Hillary nominated and elected president. Lately, however, he seems almost to be trying to sabotage her campaign. His attacks on Barack Obama, referring to him as a kid whose opposition to the war was a “fairy tale,” united supporters behind the Illinois senator. Clinton’s attempt to dismiss Obama’s win in South Carolina as Jesse Jackson redux also backfired. The former president’s tendency to get red in the face and point fingers at reporters hasn’t helped advance his wife’s cause.

Now Billy Boy is trying to make up for all the gaffes of the last few months. When Hillary “misspoke” about coming under sniper fire in Bosnia, the press jumped on it. Now, just as people were beginning to forget about that incident, Bill rode to her defense. After all, he said, his wife is 60 years old, and it was 11:00 o’clock at night when she had her memory lapse. In other words, she’s old and tired.

Hey, thanks a lot, Bill. Maybe he could get some extra help from that broad with the blue dress and the beret—whatsername, Monica something?

VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY?

What in the hell is going on? James Dobson, founder of the conservative Focus on Family, said “I would not vote for John McCain under any circumstances.” Rush Limbaugh said, “If McCain or Huckabee gets the nomination, it will destroy the GOP.” Ann Coulter said that she would vote for Hillary Clinton rather than John McCain. Are all these right wingers suddenly in favor of Hillary, or are they unwilling to forgive McCain for some of his moderate positions on various issues?

Perhaps the strangest semi-endorsement from the right wing for Mrs. Clinton comes from Richard Mellon Scaife. When she referred to a vast right-wing conspiracy during Bill Clinton’s administration, Scaife was the chief money man behind that conspiracy. He donated $1.8 million to the conservative American Spectator magazine to dig up dirt about Bill Clinton. Now Scaife’s paper, The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, invites the New York Senator to come for an interview and Scaife sits in on the interview. He came away with a favorable impression of the Democratic candidate, saying that she “exhibited an impressive command of many of today’s most pressing domestic and international issues.” Her answers, “were thoughtful, well-stated and often dead on.” The billionaire agreed with the senator that the federal government had bungled Katrina. They also saw eye to eye on the need to pull our troops out of Iraq.

What are Scaife’s motives in all of this? Does he find her position on issues closer to his own than McCain’s positions? Or is he trying to promote her candidacy because he thinks she would be easier to defeat Barack Obama in the general election?

WHO’S TO BLAME?

What is behind the economic mess that the country is in? Senator John McCain, who admits, “The issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should,” placed the blames squarely on the people who “bought homes they couldn’t afford.” He went on to say that federal assistance “must not reward people who were irresponsible at the expense of those who weren’t.”

Wait a minute! Who was responsible? Was it the Wall Street bankers like Bear Stearns whom the federal government is bailing out? Was it Bear Stearns stockholders, like chairman James E. Cayne, the value of whose company shares fell from $1 billion to a mere $61 million? Was it the politicians and lobbyists who tore down much of the regulations covering the finance industry? Was it the poor suckers who bought a home with money lent to him by a banker who supposed to check the buyer’s ability to repay?

The fact is, it doesn’t matter who is to blame. It’s a mess, and it concerns all of us. The problems in the housing/credit market touch every area of business and affect us all. Before it gets any worse, we had better do something about it.

Hillary Clinton compared John McCain to Herbert Hoover, the man who stood by and did nothing while the country slide into the worst depression it has ever seen. Even George Bush has done more than John McCain is willing to do.

BUSH WILL NOT LET THE WILL OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE STAND IN HIS WAY

Speaking to the National Religious Broadcasters, President Bush said, the troops “are not coming home based upon defeat, or based upon opinion polls, or based upon focus groups, or based upon politics, they're coming home because we're successful." He told cheering supporters, "The decision to remove Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency. It is the right decision in this point in my presidency, and it will forever be the right decision.”

He is not going to let the November elections influence his actions. “Why should I be influenced by the will of the American people or by common sense?” Mr. Bush asked. “I’ve never let things like that stand in my way before.”

On the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton said that she and John McCain are ready to be commander in chief , while Barack Obama is not. What kind of a Democrat puts down a fellow Democrat while advancing a Republican contender? Not only was Mrs. Clinton’s comment unfair to Senator Obama, it also overlooked Dr. Carl Perrin. Although Perrin is no longer campaigning, he has not withdrawn from the race. Unlike both Clinton and Obama, Perrin has actual military experience. He was a sergeant in the 31st Infantry Division during the Korean War. He was also a senior patrol leader in his Boy Scout troop. And of course he is president of the Computer Club at his retirement village. Perrin has the kind of executive and leadership experience that none of the other candidates have.

HILLARY MAKES COMEBACK!

Hillary Clinton won in both delegate-rich states, Texas and Ohio. She also won in Rhode Island, while Barak Obama won in Vermont. Obama is still ahead in delegate count, but the New York senator has narrowed his lead. The race is still on with no clear-cut top dog for the ultimate prize. On the Republican side, John McCain came out with a clear victory. He will be the Republican candidate for the presidency.

Attention now focuses on Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin. He has not picked up a single delegate (although he did get a few votes in his retirement community). Will he stay in the race? The answer to that question is, yes. Perrin realizes that it is mathematically impossible for him to get enough votes in the upcoming primaries to win the nomination that way. “I am suspending campaigning, but I am not withdrawing from the race. It ain’t over until it’s over,” the former English professor said.

According to insiders, the way Perrin sees it, the battle between Obama and Clinton will go all the way to the convention. The two senators will each have about the same number of delegates, so the convention will not be able to choose between them. They will have to find a compromise candidate, someone like Professor Carl Perrin.

The fact that the Republican candidate will be John McCain will work in Perrin’s favor. A lot of seniors will vote for McCain because of his age. It would be a big mistake for Democrats to let the GOP take all the geezer votes.

TEXAS AND OHIO

This is the big day in Democratic politics. If Hillary doesn’t do well in the Texas and Ohio primaries, will she drop out? Some people are urging her to back out gracefully. Any attacks she makes on Barack could be used by the Republicans in the general election in the fall. She insists that she has just begun the fight. Tomorrow the political landscape could look very different. Or not.

No one is urging Dr Carl Perrin to drop out of the race. Frankly most people don’t even know that he is still in the race, but he is wondering whether he has a chance of picking up even one delegate. He knows that he has no chance of winning in Texas, but Ohio is a different thing. He lived in Defiance, Ohio, for nine years and taught at Defiance College. He earned his Ph.D. at Ohio State University.

The former English professor knows that he can’t win in Ohio, but he is still desperately hoping he can pick up at least one or two delegates. Insiders say that if he doesn’t get any votes, he will consider dropping out of the race. Perrin himself will not confirm this. “Don’t count me out,” he says grimly.

ANOTHER WIN FOR OBAMA

Barack Obama came out ahead of Hillary Clinton in yesterday’s contests for the Democratic nomination. What the national news media seem to overlook is the fact that Carl Perrin is still in the race. Sure he didn’t do well in the Mid-Atlantic states, but he didn’t even campaign there. He is putting all his effort into the Ohio primary. He lived in the state for nine years, taught at Defiance College, and earned his Ph.D. at Ohio State University. All that should count for something.

In the meantime, although the campaign in Maine is over, Perrin still has a strong organization there. He is calling on his supporters in the Pine Tree State to collect more returnable cans and bottles to help his campaign treasury. He recognizes that if his campaign is to come from behind, he is going to have to start advertising. He is putting out the call not just in Maine, but to his supporters all around the country to make a contribution to his fight for the nomination.

The country is calling for change, and this is a historic opportunity—to elect a really old guy to the presidency, someone who has been around even longer than John McCain.