VICE PRESIDENTS

COLONOSCOPY

Saturday morning, July 21, President Bush was sedated before undergoing a colonoscopy as part of a routine screening for colon cancer. Before he had the procedure, the president wrote a letter to the leaders of the House and Senate, in which he ceded his authority to Vice President Cheney while he was under the anesthesia. While Bush was under, Cheney was acting president.

Now that’s a scary thought! Yet it’s hard to imagine how Cheney could do any more damage as president than he has already done as vice president.

One thing you have to say for the Bushes, both daddy and son: They knew how to pick vice presidents. As bad as George Bush is, we realize it could be worse: What a disaster we would be in with a President Cheney! And Daddy Bush had Dan Quayle. If anything had happened to Daddy Bush, the dumbest man in American politics would have become president.

The good news, though, is that in their exploration doctors found several things that Bush hadn’t been able to find before: Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has not yet chosen his running mate, but he promises it won’t be a Cheney, and it won’t be a Quayle. “Whomever I choose,” Perrin says, “it will be a person of intelligence and integrity, someone who realizes that growing corn for ethanol needs to be balanced with crop supports for barley, so Americans can continue to get cheap beer.”