BULL IN THE CHINA SHOP

After Donald Trump was elected to the presidency, the stock market started climbing. Presumably this was based on the premise that taxes would be lowered on business and the wealthy. Given the Republican majority in both houses of Congress, this seems likely to happen. However, not everyone is optimistic about the economic outlook over the next four years.

This is partly because we can’t take Mr. Trump at his word. He often does not seem to comprehend the complexities of the issues he deals with. He frequently walks back statements he has made or says they were merely jokes. Sometimes he outright lies and continues to insist of the veracity of those lies long after they have been exposed as falsehoods.

Also Republicans are generally regarded as friendly to business while Democrats are thought of as hostile to business, but recently the economy has flourished under Democratic administrations and floundered while the Republicans had the White House. President Clinton handed President Bush a tidy surplus in the federal treasury. Bush promptly squandered it by lowering taxes on the well-to-do and starting a misguided war in Iraq. Under the Bush administration we saw the greatest economic struggle since the Great Depression. President Obama took the mess that Bush had handed him and turned it around, pulling us out of the Great Recession and handing the economy to President Trump in a much better shape than it was when he received it. Do you have any confidence in Donald Trump’s ability to handle it with care?

Conservatives believe that the marketplace will be able to resolve any issues it faces. If you just let things go, the law of supply and demand will make everything turn out right in the end. They resent liberal meddling, making up rules and regulations that hinder business’s ability to function without interference.

And yet that is just what Donald Trump did when he stepped into a business decision made by Carrier in Indiana. The company was going to shutter two plants and send them to Mexico. Trump talked them into keeping one of those plants open, partly by having his running mate, who happened to be governor of Indiana, grant the company some $7 million in tax credits. Trump also threatened to impose a heavy tariff on any material coming from that Mexican plant into the United States. It is almost like having the central government decided how many pairs of shoes were to be made, as was done during the Soviet government in Russia. 

Can the President step in, in the decision any business makes if he does not agree with it? Is the governor of every state involved going to grant tax credits to companies that say they’re going to move out of the country? What will stop manufacturers from threatening to move out of the country unless they get significant tax breaks? What will prevent the companies that keep manufacturing here from replacing huge portions of their work force with automation?

Mr. Trump blames China and Mexico for the loss of manufacturing jobs in the United States. He threatens to tear up international trade agreements and raise trade barriers in the form of high tariffs against countries he deems our adversaries in trade. However, those jobs are gone forever. More jobs have been lost to automation than to companies sending them overseas. What is needed is not a trade war but education to prepare American workers for the new world that is emerging through automation, computers, and the internet.

If America raises import duties on goods from other countries, they will retaliate by doing the same to us. Such warfare will destroy the delicate symbiosis that keeps the world economy in balance. The real estate bubble that burst in 2008 threw the economy off balance not only in this country but world-wide. The Great Depression of the 1930s was felt in every country. In warfare no one wins. Everyone loses. This is true in economic war as well.

A recent issue of The Week featured Trump on the cover as a bull in the china shop. It was an apt comparison.

TEN CENTS FOR DONALD TRUMP

Despite What Ann Coulter says, the liberal media tried to bury the issue of Barack Obama’s African birthplace. Donald Trump has pulled it to the surface again by stating, “I just say very simply, why doesn’t he show his birth certificate? Why has he spent over $2 million in legal fees to keep this quiet and to keep this silent?” Sarah Palin seconded Trump: “More power to him. He’s not just throwing stones from the sidelines, he’s digging in, he’s paying for researchers to find out why President Obama would have spent $2 million to not show his birth certificate.”

Now the Arizona legislature has passed a bill law requiring presidential candidates to prove that they are citizens before their name can be put on the ballot. Once Governor Jan Brewer signs the bill, it will become law.

While Trump seems like an ideal candidate for the presidency, we have to mention his hair. Unlike Mitt Romney, Donald Trump does not have presidential hair, especially when it gets all windblown as in the picture above. The real estate tycoon is a billionaire, so he obviously can afford hairspray. The problem is, he is so focused on crucial issues like Obama’s place of birth that he sometimes forgets to bring his hairspray with him. What he needs is a hairspray guy, someone whose sole responsibility would be to make sure that the Donald always has hairspray handy.

You can make a difference. If every Trump supporter would send just 10 cents to the candidate, he could hire an apprentice hairspray guy. Just put the dime in an envelope and send it to Donald Trump, Atlantic City, NJ.

FUND RAISING

Michele Bachmann thought that the founding fathers ended slavery in America in their lifetime, thus eliminating the need for the Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation. Despite such gaps in her knowledge of American history, the congresswoman is a formidable fund raiser. In the first 90 days of this year she raised over $2 million for her campaign for the oval office. Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney raised $1.8 million in the same period. Bachmann raised $13.5 million for her 2010 campaign for her seat in Congress. This is the most money ever raised for a campaign for election to the House of Representatives.

Barack Obama has done pretty well in fund raising also. He collected $750 million in his campaign for the White House. He is expected to raise well over $100 million in the first six months of this year. One fund raiser includes a $35,800-a-plate dinner in San Francisco.

Where does that leave former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin? While Perrin has not yet committed to another run for office, he knows that to keep his options open, he must give some thought to campaign funds. Although Perrin was an outstanding candidate, he was not very good in raising money in his run for office. During his 2008 campaign he raised a couple of hundred dollars. Most of that came from supporters in Maine who cashed in returnable cans and bottles to help pay for his campaign.

Although a couple of hundred bucks doesn’t sound like much compared with politicians who raised hundreds of millions, Perrin insists he doesn’t need a lot of money for his campaign. Some say he is too cheap to pay for advertising, but the candidate relies on his blog to get his message out to the real people, the beer drinkers who appreciate his effort keep down the price of beer. Most of Perrin’s campaign funds were spent in fact on cheap beer for the candidate himself. He wanted the public to know that he really believed in the issue that formed the basis of his campaign.

Perrin is asking his supporters in Maine to start taking those cans and bottles to the redemption centers and send any contribution to "Perrin for President" headquarters in Auburn, Maine. He likes the idea of using a meal for a fund raiser. He is thinking about a luncheon of a peanut butter sandwich and a can of cheap beer for $4.90.

A SLIP OF THE TONGUE

Mike Huckabee criticized President Obama, stating that experiences in his youth led him to resent the West. "One thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya, his view of the Brits, for example, (is) very different than the average American," Huckabee said. Huckabee’s geography was a little off, since Indonesia, where Obama did spent part of his boyhood, is halfway around the globe from Kenya.

When news media pointed out this little gaff, Huckabee became indignant, saying that he was “not surprised the NY Times chose to sensationalize this story. In fact, the New York Times, the AP, and other news organizations ran with the "sensationalized story." It was a “simple slip of the tongue,” he added.

That is understandable. People are always saying “Kenya” when they mean to say “Indonesia.” And the Brits in Indonesia? Maybe he was thinking of something else. The Brits have been in so many places, it is hard to keep track of them.

Perhaps we should be grateful that this man, this presidential candidate, did not claim that he could see Russia from his front porch in Arkansas.

MEA CULPA

Last week Democratic Governor Jon Corzine was defeated in his bid for reelection by Republican Chris Christy. According to NY Times columnist Gail Collins, this shows that Democratic President Barack Obama is losing his touch with independent voters, and this bodes ill for the Democratic Party and its agenda.

Former Presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin somewhat sheepishly admits that he is to blame for the Democratic loss. “I could have been in the race,” he admits, suggesting that he would have had a good chance of winning the prize. “I know all the people in Leisure Village would have voted for me. They all know me.”

The retired English professor says he was a little bitter about losing the presidential election. “I know, it’s been a year since the presidential election, and I should have got over the hurt of losing.”

Perrin says he has learned his lesson. In a couple of years there will be another election, and he will be ready to run again.

PRESIDENT TO TALK TO STUDENTS

OMG, on September 8 the President is going to talk to American students about the importance of education and the importance of staying in school! Help! Help! The sky is falling!

Even though George H. W. Bush and Ronald Reagan gave speeches that were broadcast over public television to a number of school districts, some Republicans believe that Barack Obama’s speech is an obvious attempt to brainwash America’s school children. According to this view, if President Obama speaks to school children, it must be some kind of liberal plot. A spokeswoman for the Florida Republican Party says the President should not be telling children what to do. Evidently that means he shouldn’t be telling them to stay in school. Why doesn’t Obama take a cue from George W. Bush, who was in school listening to children read on 9/11? After he was told about the attack on the twin towers, Bush stayed in the class for another half hour. Perhaps he just wanted to know how the story ended.

If the President is allowed to talk to America’s students, the networks ought to allow Sarah or Rush or some other right wing nut to respond. They can tell the Republican point of view: Education ain’t going to do you no good nohow.

We can understand why Republican think that way. If kids get too much education, they won’t fall for right wing bullshit anymore.

INAUGURATION FESTIVITIES

Former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has not yet received his invitation to the inaugural festivities. Perrin is sure it is an oversight. Some low-ranking clerk forgot to send the message to the former candidate. Or maybe the invitations haven’t been sent yet. There are still over forty days to the big event.

The former English professor ran first in the Democratic primary. When he failed to win the Democratic nomination, he ran as a Family Values candidate, running under that aegis because he has been married three times. True, Perrin did not win any delegates in either race, but he graciously withdrew at the eleventh from the November vote, throwing his weight behind Barack Obama. While Perrin didn’t have that many followers, his withdrawal was a symbolic gesture, a generous offer to back the young man who became president-elect.

Obama’s strongest opponent in the primaries has now been named as the Secretary of State in the Obama administration. You can be sure that she will be dancing at the Inaugural Ball. Perrin admits that he still hopes to become part of the Obama administration, perhaps as head of a commission to keep the price of beer affordable to American working men and women.

The former English professor is hoping that this message will get to someone on Obama’s transition team. Just check out the breakdown in communications and be sure that Perrin gets his invitation. He is keeping his calendar clear so he can attend the big party.

SARAH IN 2012

Sarah Palin has already started her campaign for the presidency in 2012. She is going to spend the next four years visiting Africa and some other countries so she will know more about the outside world. Of course, as she will be the first to admit, she already knows a lot about Russia because she can see it from her kitchen window.

She has nothing but praise for John McCain, God bless him, for bringing her onto the national scene, and nothing but scorn for some of his aides. They tried to control everything she said or did and then leaked false stories to the press after McCain lost. “My rallies attracted more people than John’s did,” she said, “and his aides tried to blame it on me.”

“Barack Obama won the election,” she said, “but it won’t take too long for real Americans to get tired of a politician who pals around with terrorists. By 2012 the people will be ready for a candidate who really loves America. But I'm going to get some real pros to advise me, people like Dick Cheney and Karl Rove.”

PERRIN WITHDRAWS FROM THE RACE

In a stunning eleventh hour development, Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has withdrawn from the presidential election.

Perrin admitted that he had known for a long time that he didn’t have much chance to win the election. Why, then, bother even to withdraw at this late date?

“Although I knew I couldn’t win,” the candidate told our reporter, “I do have a big following. I was afraid that my supporters would draw votes away from Obama and throw the election to McCain and the moose lady.” I didn’t want to the American people what Ralph Nader did in 2000. I didn’t want to have that on my conscience.

“I want to thank all the people who supported my campaign, especially all those Mainers who raised money for me by picking up returnable cans and bottles. I hope I will be able to work with President Obama to keep cheap beer flowing to American men and women.

“I wish Obama well, and I have confidence that he will be an outstanding president. But if I am disappointed, I will be around for the next election. I will be only 82 in 2012. Don’t forget Konrad Adenauer was Chancellor of Germany until the age 87.”

EBEN DANFORTH ENDORSES OBAMA

Former supporters of Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin are deserting him in large numbers and switching their allegiance to Barack Obama. Even longtime friends and family are leaving him in the lurch.

On in-law who refused to be named said, “Carl never had a chance. He thinks he’s such a smarty pants, but when you get right down to it, he don’t know shit.”

A former Perrin supporter from Madawaska told us, “He made a mistake in choosing Rosie Thibideau for a running mate. I mean Rosie’s a great gal, and she’s the best damn mechanic in Madawaska, but she shouldn’t be a heart beat away from a 78-year-old president.”

Even Eben Danforth from Grangely, Maine, told us he was going to vote for Obama. Perrin was flabbergasted when he learned this. “Eben Danforth!” he said. “He’s a literary character. I invented him. He can’t vote for Barack Obama!”

At this point things look grim for the Family Values candidate.

VICE PRESIDENTIAL PICKS

Obama picked a veteran senator to be his running mate. Joe Biden balances Obama’s perceived weaknesses, his limited experience, particularly in the area of foreign affairs.

McCain has chosen Sarah Palin. (Who?) You know, the governor of Alaska. Oh yeah. She certainly has lots of qualifications. Solid conservative credentials, making up for the doubts that the right wing might have about McCain himself. She has lots of experience in government, though not as much as Obama. She has been governor for less than two years. Before that she was mayor of Wasilla, a city of 7,000 people. Before that she was active in the PTA. That should take care of the people who suggest that Obama lacks experience to be commander-in-chief. The fact that she is a woman just might appeal to the Democratic women who are still bitter about Hillary Clinton’s failure to get the nomination.

We haven’t heard from Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin for a while, but he has been working behind the scenes. The party didn’t have a regular convention or anything, but a group of supporters gathered with the candidate in the men’s room at the village clubhouse to toss a few ideas around.

One of the big issues of course was, who would be Perrin’s running mate? Insiders from the Perrin campaign would not even comment on whether or not a vice presidential candidate had been chosen. However, rumors have it that the wily former English professor will come out with a shocking choice, perhaps a transgendered person. Such a candidate should appeal to voters of both sexes as well as to gays, lesbians, and other transgenedered persons.

Perrin campaign manager Aristotle Mongoose told us, “You will just have to wait and see.”

OBAMA GOES TO BERLIN, GERMANY; MC CAIN GOES TO BERLIN, NH, AND PERRIN DRINKS GERMAN BEER

While Obama drew a huge crowd in Berlin, Germany, McCain attracted a handful of people in Berlin, New Hampshire. At the same time Family Values candidate Carl Perrin drank some German beer and felt he had participated.

Obama made a hit with French president Nicolas Sarkozy, Perrin went to West Paris, Maine, and no one even knew he was there. McCain, remembering Freedom Fries, was not sure whether it was politically useful to do anything French, went to a German restaurant in Columbus, Ohio.

McCain turned negative and charged unfairly that Obama would rather go to a gym than go to a hospital and visit wounded GIs. Perrin asserted that he talks to veterans every day. His retirement village is full of veterans of World War II, Korea, and Vietnam. He admits, though, that he would rather go to a bar than a hospital.

BIAS IN THE MAIN STREAM MEDIA

From the very beginning the press has shown favoritism to Senator Barack Obama. And it gets more pronounced every day. He goes to Iraq to build up his foreign policy credentials, and we see pictures of him in a helicopter with General Petraeus getting a tour of the area.

At the same time we get pictures of Senator John McCain in a golf cart with Daddy Bush in Kennebunkport, Maine. The Republican candidate has already been to Iraq umpteen times. We recall pictures of him in a flak jacket surrounded by a battalion of troops as he walked through a “safe” street in Baghdad.

The press doesn’t even cover the campaign of conservative Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin. Had they been on the ball, they could have caught a picture of Perrin pedaling around his retirement village and his three-wheeler, saving gasoline and getting his exercise at once. The press has pretty much ignored Perrin, despite voters’interest in his cheap beer platform.

Both McCain and Perrin have moved to the right during this campaign. McCain took more conservative positions in order to appeal to the Republican base. Perrin, once a candidate for the Democratic nomination is now running in the Family Values party. The liberal bias of the press is well known, but maybe something more is at stake here. McCain and Perrin are both geezers. The main stream media seems more interested in following that young guy. People seem to forget: geezers vote, and they won’t forget that two prominent senior citizens have been ignored.

WHO’S THE BIGGEST FLIP-FLOPPER?

As we move toward the general election, the candidates are flip-flopping all over the place. A lot of people saw John McCain as a moderate who stayed away from some of the GOP’s most extreme positions. Now, in order to woo the party’s base, he has been moving toward the right. He opposed the Bush tax cuts when they came up. Now he says he wants to make them permanent. He once referred to the Evangelicals as “agents of intolerance.” Now he seeks their blessings.

Barack Obama has been called the most liberal member of the Senate. Now he seems to be moving toward the center. He vowed to concentrate on bringing the troops home from Iraq. Now he is “refining” his position on troop withdrawal. He voted to let the telecoms off the hook on issue of cooperating with the Bush administration’s spying on citizens.

To some people, the shifts of McCain and Obama are nothing compared to candidate Carl Perrin’s flip-flop. He tried to win the Democratic nomination. When he didn’t succeed, instead of throwing his considerable influence behind Senator Obama, Perrin entered the race as a conservative Family Values candidate. The man who ran as a liberal is now trying to get conservatives to vote for him.

Perrin insists, however, that he has not changed positions at all. He always thought that corn ethanol was a bad idea. He was always in favor of cheap beer, and he still is.

HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS

Senator McCain has admitted that he doesn’t know much about economics, so he enlisted the aid of a man who has a Ph. D. in the subject. Former senator Phil Gramm, now a vice chairman of UBS, promptly said that Americans have “become a nation of whiners.” That comment really helped McCain, who had to disavow the former senator’s unpolitical comment.

Barack Obama picked up some of the same sort of support from fellow Democrat, the Reverend Jesse Jackson. Jackson complained that Obama was “talking down” to black men when he said they should take responsibility for their children. That made the reverend so angry that he wanted to “cut Obama’s nuts off”! That doesn’t sound like a very Christian sentiment to us.

Family Values candidate Carl Perrin also has “friends” who are not being very helpful. Campaign volunteer Hercule Mendez evidently forgot that Perrin was running now as a conservative when he said, “Perrin has always been a liberal.” Perrin responded that he was liberal only in his devotion to family values.

UNBELIEVABLE TURNAROUND

Dr. Carl Perrin’s supporters are in deep shock. Just a little over a month ago he was still a candidate for the Democratic nomination. Now he is running as a conservative family values candidate. “How could he do that?” people are asking. “And how can he pretend to be a conservative?”

Perrin shrugs off such questions. “There has been no change in my position,” he insists. “My first consideration has always been to do what is in my own best interest. I gave the Democrats a chance to nominate me, and they went ahead and voted for that Obama guy.”

Perrin insists that his marriage record shows his family values. “Obama is still married to his first wife. McCain has been married only twice. I’ve been married three times. You learn a lot from being in three marriages. The insight I have picked up that way will help me when I become president.

“As the Family Values candidate, I will continue to push for government support for barley. This corn ethanol thing has done more harm than good. We need to keep the price of beer affordable for working men and women.”

PERRIN REENTERS THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE!

Former Republican congressman from Georgia, Bob Barr, is running for president on the Libertarian ticket. That must be great news for John McCain, who is running against Barack Obama. Polls put McCain well behind Obama, even before factoring Barr into the equation.

Now in a stunning new development, another candidate is running on a conservative ticket. Former candidate Dr. Carl Perrin recently dropped out of the Democratic race, but our sources tell us that he will reenter as the candidate for the recently-formed Conservative Family Values Part. It will certainly be a hard sell for him to present himself as a family values man after a political career as a liberal. However, he says, “I’ve been married three times. How much more family oriented than that can you get?”

Some political analysts speculate that Perrin hopes to help Obama by pulling votes away from McCain. Voters who value McCain for his experience and maturity should really go ga-ga over Perrin, who is six years older and six years more experienced than the Arizona senator.

ARE PERRIN SUPPORTERS READY TO GET BEHIND OBAMA?

Dr. Carl Perrin has dropped from the presidential race and thrown his support to Senator Barack Obama. Some of Perrin’s followers, however, are not yet ready to cry “uncle.” Although Obama clearly appreciates and needs the former English professor’s backing, he has not yet offered jobs to any of Perrin’s former staffers. On that subject, a spokesperson from Obama headquarters said, “Perrin didn’t have any paid staff people. Everyone who worked on the Perrin campaign was a volunteer. We’re perfectly willing to let them volunteer for us.”

While former candidate Carl Perrin would like to see his campaign workers get a job in the Obama operation, he is more interested in getting a job for himself in the Obama administration. He has some really great ideas on how to keep the price of beer within reach for working American men and women. Obama headquarters has Perrin’s telephone number and e-mail address. He is waiting to hear from them.

WILL PERRIN BE OFFERED THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL SPOT?

When Hillary Clinton finally dropped out of the presidential race, people started talking about her as the vice presidential candidate. Naturally, Dr. Carl Perrin’s supporters are wondering the same about him.

Sources close to Perrin, however, tell us that he is not enthusiastic about the 2nd spot on the ticket. The only thing about the VP job that appeals to him is the salary. Although it is less than half of the presidential salary that he once hoped to earn, $186,000 seems pretty good to a man who struggled on a teacher’s pay for almost 50 years.

Actually, Perrin says, he would prefer a job that isn’t in the limelight so much. The VP has to do all the dirty work and then take the blame when anything goes wrong. Look at all the criticism of Dick Cheney. Perrin wouldn’t want that kind of negativity directed toward him.

Dr. Perrin would rather have a cabinet post. The salary is only $149,000, and it doesn’t include free government housing, but it wouldn’t require as much work. So he asks the VP search committee to leave him out, but remember him when they start to fill cabinet posts. President Obama might even want to create a new post just for Dr. Perrin, something like the Secretary of Cheap Beer.

WILL PERRIN PULL OUT OF THE RACE?

Now that the end is in sight, super delegates are rushing to endorse Barack Obama’s campaign. Former presidential candidate John Edwards has thrown his weight behind Obama. Democratic leaders are calling for Senator Clinton to pull out so that the party will be unified in its fight for the White House in the general election.

Surprisingly, no one has called for Dr. Carl Perrin to withdraw his candidacy, even though he has run a strong campaign based on a platform of cheap beer. For a while analysts speculated that Perrin was hoping for Hillary and Barack to go to the convention with the vote split between them. According to this scenario, the convention would then have to come up with a compromise candidate, someone who could pull the party together. And who would be better in this role than Carl Perrin?

Both Clinton and Perrin have their motives for hanging in there by their fingernails. If Clinton stays in just a little while longer, she might be able to raise a little more money to pay off the huge debt that her campaign has generated. Perrin, on the other hand, may be hoping that the senator from Illinois might offer him some soft job in his administration.

Not so fast, insiders say. While Perrin may recognize that he has little chance of winning the Democratic nomination, nothing will prevent him from running as an Independent. During the time that Perrin lived in Maine, it had two Independent governors. Connecticut and Vermont have Independent senators. It would be a big mistake to write Perrin off too soon.