EDWARDS DROPS OUT

John Edwards went back to New Orleans yesterday to announce that he was dropping out of the race for the Democratic nomination. We think he was a worthy contender, and he would have been an outstanding president. More than any of the other front-rank candidates, he represented the average American. He has not announced his support for any other candidate.

Some people might think we’re sucking up to the former North Carolina senator so he will throw his support to Democratic candidate Carl Perrin. That is not the case. Even though Perrin works for the same constituency as Edwards, the working men and women, the former English professor does not expect any quid pro quo from Edwards.

Nevertheless, if Edwards and Perrin worked together, you have to admit—they would have made a great team.

PERRIN LOSES IN FLORIDA

Democratic candidate Carl Perrin was shocked when he didn’t pick up any votes in Florida, not even in Palm Beach County, where he lived just a couple of years ago. The Clinton machine beat him into the dust. Perrin takes some satisfaction from knowing Clinton’s Florida victory is merely symbolic, since Florida delegates are not going to be seated at the Democratic convention next summer.

Perrin may be down, but he is not out. He is looking forward to the big sweep of primaries next Tuesday. Because of the vast left/right wing conspiracy, Perrin will not appear on the ballot in any of these primaries. So if you want to vote for Perrin, you will have to write his name on the ballot. Our candidate doesn’t see any problem with that. He knows a lot of people in a lot of these upcoming primary states, and he is sure that tons of them are going to write his name in.

Perrin is confident because he knows he has an appeal that none of the other Democrats have. He appeals to seniors. There is a good chance that the Republican candidate will be a septuagenarian. Of the front-running Democrats, the oldest is Hillary Clinton, and she’s just sixty. Someone that young is not old enough or experienced enough to lead the country. The Democratic party needs another septuagenarian to run against John McCain. Who could be better than 77-year-old Dr Carl Perrin?

KENNEDYS ENDORSE OBAMA

Senator Ted Kennedy, along with his son, Congressman Patrick J. Kennedy, and niece Caroline Kennedy have endorsed the candidacy of Barack Obama. Both Senator Kennedy and Caroline Kennedy compared the Illinois senator to the late Jack Kennedy, who had to overcome prejudice against his relative youth and his Catholicism.

The Massachusetts senator said of Obama, “He will be a president who refuses to be trapped in the patterns of the past. He is a leader who sees the world clearly without being cynical. He is a fighter who cares passionately about the causes he believes in without demonizing those who hold a different view.”

Kennedy went on to say, “With Barack Obama, there is a new national leader who has given America a different kind of campaign, not just about himself, but about all of us. A campaign about the country we will become, if we can rise above the old politics that parses us into separate groups and puts us at odds with one another.”

We have to agree with Senator Kennedy, but we must add that you don’t have to be young to bring a new face to politics. Democrat Dr. Carl Perrin is older than any other candidate, yet he brings a new style to campaigning. Who else is running for the highest office without spending a dime on advertising or any of that stuff? Who else is staying above mud slinging? You don’t hear Perrin quoting Bill Clinton: “I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”? You don’t hear Perrin bringing up that kind of stuff. You don’t hear Perrin making promises that he won’t be able to fulfill: “I will spend $20 billion [of your money] to revive the American auto industry.”

Perrin makes just one promise: that he will make sure that cheap beer remains available to American working men and women. Cheap beer is dear to Perrin’s heart and stomach, and you can be sure that he will follow through on that promise.

PERRIN CONGRATULATES OBAMA

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin sent his congratulations to Barack Obama on his victory in the South Carolina primary. It was a tough fight for the Illinois senator because he was catching flack from both Clintons. Unfortunately for Mrs. Clinton, her husband’s campaigning may have helped Barack more than it helped Hillary.

The former president compared Obama to Jesse Jackson, who is not popular among many whites. Many people saw the comparison as invalid and a gratuitous introduction of race into the campaign. Many people in South Carolina and elsewhere saw Clinton’s comments as unfair. A lot of people voted for Obama because they thought Bill Clinton was misrepresenting Obama. Even people in the Clinton campaign feel that Bill did more harm than good. They want to rein him in and make him take a more positive approach to his future campaigning.

Not only did the Clinton campaign lose votes in South Carolina because of the former president, but the effect of his negative campaigning has been felt elsewhere. Over the weekend Caroline Kennedy endorsed Obama, saying that he had the same kind of appeal that her father had. Caroline was not the only Kennedy to endorse Obama. Ted Kennedy, a friend of the Clintons, is expected to endorse the Illinois senator today.

While Perrin didn’t pick up any votes in South Carolina, he is hoping at least to make a showing in Florida tomorrow, thanks to his friends in West Palm Beach. Of course even a victory in Florida would be only symbolic. The Democratic National Committee is not going to seat Florida delegates at the national convention because they violated the rules by moving their primary up ahead without the sanction of the national committee.

SOUTH CAROLINA PRIMARY

Today Democrats go to the primaries to vote for their choice for the presidency. Most of the battle has been between Obama and the Clintons, and that battle has been getting nasty. John Edwards, who was born in the state, has been a distant third in the polls. Some people are wondering if he will be able to remain in the race if he gets badly beaten in the state where he was born. Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of the race, so that puts Carl Perrin in fourth place. Perrin had hopes of doing well in the Palmetto State because he was stationed in the “Dixie” Division at Fort Jackson, SC, during the Korean War. Unfortunately, politics in that state is really dirty. A whispering campaign about Perrin says that his service in the “Dixie” Division at Fort Jackson is nothing. Perrin’s enemies in the state say he is and always was a liberal Yankee. Perrin realizes that without financial resources, he is not going to be able to fight that whispering campaign. He is depending on doing well in the Florida next Tuesday. He knows lot of people in West Palm. That should help.

Meanwhile, on the Republican side, The New York Times endorsed John McCain yesterday. They weren’t enthusiastic about the Arizona senator, but he seemed so much better than his rivals. The paper called former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani, “a narrow, obsessively secretive, vindictive man.” Of Mitt Romney, they said, “It is hard to find an issue on which he has not repositioned himself to the right…” The paper said that when Huckabee put religion into the campaign, he “disqualified himself for the Oval Office.”

The problem that the Republicans have in this campaign is that the party is made up of three groups: Business, conservative social values, and national defense. These groups have different interests. Romney appeals to the business group, but a lot of Republicans don't trust him. Huckabee appeals to the conservative social values people, but Wall Street can't stand him. Giuliani is the national defense guy, but conservative social values people don't like him. None of these men has much appeal for Independents. McCain is the only hope the Republicans have, and McCain wants to continue George Bush’s ruinous policies in taxation and national defense.

HILLARY GETS NY TIMES ENDORSEMENT

Today’s New York Times endorsed Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. The Times was enticed by Obama’s potential but felt that his promise was still amorphous while Mrs. Clinton has proven her leadership qualities in national security as well as in the domestic area.

The editorial stated that they have enjoyed John Edwards’ fiery oratory, but he has repudiated so many of his former positions that they don’t know where he stands.

Dennis Kucinich, in the meantime, finally showed some good sense by dropping out of the race, which he could not hope to win.

The Times didn’t even mention Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin, who is still in the race. Though the New York Times ignored Perrin, Leisure Times endorsed him:

LEISURE TIMES ENDORSES PERRIN
Because of his service to humanity, his outstanding accomplishments, and his good looks, this newspaper endorses the candidacy of Dr. Carl Perrin. Perrin is the only candidate, Democrat or Republican, who promises to keep beer affordable for the average American.

Perrin is also the only candidate who placed a paid political advertisement in this paper. In the upcoming primaries and caucuses in your state, we urge to vote for Dr. Carl Perrin.

DON’T WRESTLE WITH A PIG

Why doesn’t anyone like Mitt Romney? Is it his attack ads? His pandering? His empty promises? His flip flopping? Who knows? No one is perfect.

Huckabee’s campaign manager, Ed Rollins, confessed that he would like to knock Romney’s teeth out. Huckabee’s staff didn’t think it was sporting that Romney didn’t bother to congratulate the former Arkansas governor when he won in Iowa. Something like that should not be enough to make one knock Romney’s teeth. It is rather the facts that he has enough money to buy ads that distort his opponents’ positions, he is willing to make empty promises to buy votes, he changes his positions to suit his audience. Some people see him as an empty suit, a man with no real convictions, a man who is willing to win at all costs.

John McCain said it best. When asked about Romney, he answered, “Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.”

CANDIDATES’ VIEW ON THE ECONOMIC CRISIS

According to Mitt Romney the economic crisis is proof that we need someone who has worked in the private sector to lead the country, not someone like George Bush, though, someone like Mitt Romney. He told a group of people in Boca Raton that, “Every time I’ve seen things really get scary and the markets really collapse, I put aside my fear and say—aha, this is a buying opportunity.” After the meeting he went out and tried to buy a few votes.

Rudy Giuliani told another Florida gathering that the huge market drop didn’t worry him. “After all,” he said, “I took charge of things after 9/11. When stuff happens, I know what to do.”

John Edwards said the market drop showed the disconnect between Washington, Wall Street, and real people.

Democratic candidate Carl Perrin said, “The economic problems show how important it is to make sure that the average person will be able to afford a six-pack of beer.”

In other news, Fred Thompson says goodbye. Mike Huckleberry’s senior staff are giving up their salaries for the month, and the former Arkansas governor is cutting back on campaigning in Florida because of a shortage of funds. That’s the second Republican candidate whose staff has told the boss not to pay them this month. Pretty soon it will be McCain vs. Romney for the Republican ticket. Dr. Carl Perrin did not have to ask his senior staff to forego their salaries this month because the entire staff is volunteer. He doesn’t pay them anything.

Meanwhile the Center for Public Integrity and the Fund for Independence in Journalism found that over a two-year period the Bush administration made 935 false statements about the national security threat for Iraq. We weren’t counting, but the number doesn’t surprise us. Bushie himself lied 259 times. Darth Vader, Condi, Rummy, Wolfie, and two press secretaries also made some whoppers. So did Colin Powell, but we think the rest of that truth-challenged outfit fed the lies to Powell.

THE FIGHT GETS NASTY

Who really has the best interests of working people at heart—Clinton or Obama? In the Democratic debate in South Carolina, Barack charged that while he was working the streets as a community organizer, Hillary was a corporate lawyer on the board of Wal-Mart. Hillary then charged her opponent with representing a Chicago slum lord who later contributed to his campaign.

In the background (but not very deep background), Bill Clinton said that Obama’s statements about his opposition to the war were a “fairy tale.” He also called the Illinois senator a “kid.” Donna Brazile, who once was an advisor o both Bill Clinton and Al Gore, found the former president’s statements about Obama to be racially offensive. It does seem strange for Bill Clinton to call Barack Obama a “kid. Obama is 46 years old, a year older than Clinton was when he became president!

The problem is, too many politicians (including all three of the top Democratic candidates) are lawyers, and lawyers are not trained to seek the truth. They are trained to win—no matter what the cost.

What the country needs at its head is a truth seeker, a scholar, someone like former English professor Dr. Carl Perrin. Perrin will represent working people in a way that none of these lawyers can. If you want to get to the truth, don’t go to a lawyer. A lawyer will twist the facts to make them come out the way he or she wants. A scholar, on the other hand, will dig until he gets as close as he can to the truth.

IS PERRIN OUT OF THE RACE?

Democratic candidate Carl Perrin has not won a single delegate, even in New Hampshire, the state where he grew up. The candidate admits he should have been more active in the Granite State. Not too many people there remember him after 50 years. He also had high hopes for South Carolina because he served in the Dixie Division at Fort Jackson during the Korean War. Unfortunately, whispering campaigns have painted him as a New England Yankee despite service in the Dixie Division. Even so, that was over 50 years ago also.

So, is Perrin ready to throw in the towel? “No way,” says the smiling candidate. The Florida primary is coming up next, and he lived in the Sunshine State for a while, and that was more recent, just a little over a year ago. "The guys and gals in the West Palm Beach Writers’ Group will remember me,” he says, “and so will the people in the Century Village Computer Club. I expect to have a lot of support in south Florida.”

Soon the fight will go on to Ohio, Missouri, Maine, and New Jersey. Perrin has taught in all those states and has thousands of former students who will remember him. Perrin quoted a famous philosopher: “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over, and it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings.” Perrin is a man who believes in looking at the bright side of things.

IGNORANCE WINS AGAIN!

Dr. Steven W. Running was scheduled to speak this week to high school students at Choteau, Montana. Dr. Running is a professor ecology at the University of Montana. He is also the lead author of a panel that wrote a study on global warming. For their work, the panel, along with Al Gore, won the Nobel Peace Prize last year. What a wonderful opportunity for these high school students—to hear an address by a Nobel Prize winner.

Not so fast. We forget how strong and entrenched are the forces of ignorance. Some townspeople complained because Dr. Running’s address would present only one side of the story. No one would be there to give the other side. The school superintendent, a brave soul named Keven St. John, was not going to stick his neck out. He cancelled the talk.

To present the other side? What other side? That global warming is some kind of liberal hoax? Do some people today believe as Republican senator James Inhofe said in 2003 that global warming is “the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people”? Maybe he could give the other side. If Inhofe is busy, maybe someone from the Institute for Creation Research or the White House Agency for Truth in Science could do the job.

It’s a sad commentary on the battle between science and ignorance. In Choteau, Montana, the score is

Ignorance 1
Science 0

SOUTH CAROLINA MUD

Boy, they really play dirty politics in South Carolina. It was in that state that John McCain lost to George Bush in 2000 after false stories about the Arizona senator. Just before the primary election, stories came out about McCain’s having fathered a black child out of wedlock. In fact, McCain and his wife adopted a child from India. False stories like that contributed to McCain’s loss to George Bush in the primary. That in turn led to the disastrous Bush presidency.

As the primaries loom in the Palmetto State, politicians there are up to their old dirty tricks. Someone sent out a bunch of Christmas cards, supposedly from Mitt Romney. The cards said the former Massachusetts governor endorsed polygamy. Rumors have been spread charging that Huckabee is not a real conservative. (What a low blow!) They’re after McCain again with lies about what happened when he was a POW.

False stories have come out that Obama is a Muslim. In fact he is a devote Christian. Democratic candidate Carl Perrin has been attacked as well. Perrin has been confident of his strength in South Carolina because he served in the Dixie Division at Fort Jackson, South Carolina, during the Korean War. Anti-Perrin forces do not deny his military experience, but they say, “Just because he was in the Dixie Division, that doesn’t make him sympathetic to the Confederate point of view. Even though he was in that division, he was still a Yankee from New Hampshire, a Yankee liberal at that. Perrin never even liked grits. He ate them only once. He thought he was too good to drink white lightning. He always preferred cheap beer. He was in the Dixie Division all right, but he was probably a Yankee spy.”

The professional politicians are prepared for dirty South Carolina-style politics. They have truth squads out to counter the lies and mud that are thrown at them. But Perrin doesn’t have to resources to carry on that kind of fight. He is really worried about what will happen in the South Carolina Democratic primary.

ROMNEY’S PROMISES

Mitt Romney is not going to give up on American industry. No siree, Bob. He promised Michigan voters that he would set aside $20 billion in R and D for the auto industry to put it back on top. He’s going to do the same for textiles in the South as well as American enterprises that have gone overseas in recent years. American business will be back where it was 20 years ago, during the reign of Saint Ronald.

Romney is going to do all of this while he eliminates taxes. Yes, hard as it is to believe, instead of taxes, citizens and businesses will make voluntary contributions to the U. S. Treasury. Most people will be glad to give their fair share because times will be so good under the Romney presidency.

Every American child will have a tricycle on his or her fourth birthday and a bicycle on the tenth birthday—all supplied by a resurgent American manufacturing sector. Teenagers will have free iPods, laptops, and whatever else teenagers want. Young women and men will get a free cosmetic makeover once a year. Aspiring entrepreneurs will get $50,000 to start their businesses—no strings attached. Retirees, along with Social Security, will get a lifetime occupancy of a luxury condo in Florida or Arizona—their choice.

Wait! Wait! Don’t wake me up! Let me enjoy this dream a little longer.

ON TO SOUTH CAROLINA

Romney pulls a win in his home state of Michigan. McCain and Huckabee, who placed second and third in the Michigan Republican primary, headed straight for South Carolina. Democrats didn’t compete in the Wolverine State because it violated party rules by changing the date of its primary.

The next contest is the Nevada caucuses on the 19th, but the next big fight will be the South Carolina primary on January 26. Huckleberry hopes to do well there because of his appeal to Evangelicals. McCain hopes to win because of his appeal to Independents and to the military. Romney hopes to make a good showing after his Michigan win.

On the Democratic side, Edwards has an edge because he was born in South Carolina. Clinton and Obama both hope that their respective wins in New Hampshire and Iowa will give them a boost on the 26th. These establishment politicians could be in for a surprise, though, because dark horse candidate Carl Perrin has something that none of the other Democrats can claim. He has military experience. Not only that, but he served in the Dixie Division at Fort Jackson, South Carolina, during the Korean War. See the picture of him above outside his tent at Jackson. It could be a whole new ball game if Perrin is able to pull off a win in South Carolina.

IS GIULIANI STILL IN THE RACE?

Rudy Giuliani. Remember him? He’s the tough guy former New York City mayor who was going to kick ass. He was going to show those terrorists a thing or two. For a while he was the Republican front runner in the race for the nomination. Then he decided not to make a real effort in the Iowa race. Too country for him maybe? New Hampshire was too small and too rural also. He isn’t putting in much of an appearance in Michigan today. We’re not sure why.

So Mike Huckleberry comes up from behind and takes the Republican caucus in Iowa, while John McCain comes in first in the New Hampshire Republican primary. Is Giuliani worried? Naw. He has plenty of money for the big races coming up on February 5. The top six or seven Giuliani staffers decide they don’t need a pay check this month. It’s not that the campaign is short on funds. They just don’t need the money. After all, the less you make, the less you have to pay in income taxes. Right?

So Rudy is depending on doing well in the big states, the states with all the delegates, Florida, New York, and California. People in south Florida will remember him. South Florida is almost New York South, so many New Yorkers retire there. But north Florida? Naw. Up near the Georgia border, they’ll say, “Giuliani? Isn’t he the guy who lived with them two homasexules when his second wife kicked him out of the house? She kicked him out of the house after he announced on TV before he mentioned to her that they were splitting up.” Rudy can’t depend on the Sunshine State. Of course they’ll remember him in New York, though not always fondly. Californians? They like movie actors, Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They’ll probably vote for Fred Thompson.

Too bad, Rudy. It was nice knowing you.

REPUBLICANS BATTLE

Huckabee says Thompson didn’t accomplish much of anything in his years in the Senate. Thompson calls Huckabee a liberal. Mitt and Mac go after each other in Michigan. We love it when Republicans beat each other up, violating the commandment of Saint Ronald, that Republicans should not say nasties about other Republicans. (They should leave that kind of dirty work to Democrats.)

The automobile industry in Michigan has lost more and more jobs as buyers in the U.S. and elsewhere purchase cars made in other countries. McCain gave some of his straight talk to Michigan voters: Those jobs are “not coming back.”

Romney called McCain’s statement defeatist. He also criticized the senator for voting for increased fuel efficiency standards in American automobiles, which Mitt said would help foreign auto makers but hurt American car manufacturers. The guy is so full of empty rhetoric. He is somehow going to entice people to buy more Detroit-built cars and revitalize the Michigan auto industry. At the same time he criticizes a measure that might actually lead people to buy more American cars: increasing fuel efficiency and economy. He ignores the threat to the country of greater dependence on foreign oil and the threat to the world of increased emissions from Detroit gas guzzlers.

McCain countered that he would be “ashamed and embarrassed” if he were to promise that the lost jobs were coming back. Romney, on the other hand, does not seem to be embarrassed by empty promises.

THE HUCK AND FRED SHOW

Mike Huckabee and Fred Thompson have been going at it hot and heavy. Huck said that Fred had not accomplished anything in his years in the senate. Stung, Fred called Huck the L-word. Next they argued over who had supported Saint Ronald Reagan longer.

The fight got really mean when Thompson said his early years were filled with more poverty than Huck’s. Huckabee’s father worked as a firefighter and a mechanic, whereas Fred’s father, who only went to the eighth grade, sold used cars for a living. “I can out-poor any of them,” Thompson said, referring to the other Republican hopefuls.

Huck and Fred have nothing on Democratic candidate Carl Perrin, whose father was a farmer. The only plumbing in their first farm was a pump in the kitchen sink. It doesn’t get any more hardscrabble than that.

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE CANDIDATE

Shortly after the New Hampshire primary, we were sit down with Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin.

G1: In yesterday’s vote you were lumped with “Others,” who gained only 1.1 percent of the vote. Even Dennis Kucinich beat you out with 1.4 percent. We know that Kucinich is little loopy, but you seem to have more common sense than most politicians. Do you realistically have any hope of winning the nomination?

Perrin: I admit it doesn’t look too good for me now, but anything can change. A couple of months ago who would have thought that Mike Huckabee could win in Iowa? Last summer everyone thought that John McCain was out of the race, but then he won in New Hampshire. Things could turn around for me too.

G1: After Iowa Joe Biden and Chris Dodd, two respected senators, dropped out of the race. After New Hampshire, Bill Richardson dropped out. He is a governor; he served in the Clinton administration, and he has a lot of diplomatic experience. If a man like that didn’t think he could get elected, what makes you think it is possible for you.

Perrin: That just narrows the field. Right now I’m battling Kucinich for last place. If one of the front runners makes a big a mistake, I will be ready to move on up.

G1: Some people are saying that you have just one tune in your campaign, cheap beer. Are you going to continue running on that issue?

Perrin: I’m glad you asked that, G1. My staff and I have given a lot of thought to campaign tactics. We have been appealing to beer drinkers, but now we realize people who don’t think of themselves in those stereotypic terms. They think of themselves as Americans who just happen to like cheap beer. We are going to continue to appeal to that bloc, but we are also going to reach out to other natural constituencies.

G1: Such as?

Perrin: Senior citizens for one. Older Americans know that I will try to fix Bush’s Kafkaesque medication plan with its donut hole. Some seniors are just barely getting by on Social Security. When they reach the donut hole at the end of the year, their expenses for medication come to hundreds of dollars a month. I will fix that.

Another natural constituency for me is teachers. We need to do something about No Child Left Behind, so teachers don’t have to spend half the year teaching for a test.

G1: That’s all very commendable, Mr. Perrin, but how do you expect to get people to come out and vote for you.

The rigors of the campaign show on Perrin’s face as he gives a weary smile: It will be like an epiphany, when voters, one by one, realize that I am the man they want in the White House.

PERRIN ASKS FORGIVENESS

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin asks the nation’s beer drinkers for their forgiveness. Confronted with a picture of him holding a martini, Perrin confesses that he did indeed have a couple of martinis. But even while he asks for forbearance, he tries to excuse it, saying, “It was New Year’s Eve, for gawd’s sake.”

Pushed by reporters, Perrin confessed that he occasionally has a glass of wine, but he insisted that when he drinks wine, it is cheap wine. “I’m not a wino,” he declared. “My drink of choice has always been cheap beer.”

Perrin went on to talk about how he drank cheap beer in the army, in college, and ever since. Nevertheless, some of his supporters are beginning to have doubts. Herman Shinklemann of Dover, New Hampshire, said, “I really believed in Perrin. He seemed like a regular, beer-drinking guy, but I just can’t help but wonder if he is a secret wine-drinking snob. I was going to vote for him in the primaries, but I ended up voting for Mike Huckabee instead.”

DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE STUNNED BY NH LOSS

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin was stunned by his poor showing in the New Hampshire primary yesterday. Even Dennis Kucinich ran ahead of Perrin with 1.4 percent of the vote. Votes for “Others” garnered only 1.1 percent. “I grew up in the state, went to school there, and starting teaching in Hollis, New Hampshire.” Perrin’s campaign was hurt by two things: the negative brochure that suggested he was a martini drinker—or even worse—a wine sipper, rather than a beer drinker. “The brochure was full of lies,” Perrin said, “but it still hurt me with the state’s beer drinkers.”

The second problem with Perrin’s campaign was that he depended on his connections with the state, and he never did any active campaigning. On primary day someone pointed out to Perrin that even though he grew up in the state, he hasn’t lived there for 50 years. “Only 50 years and no one knows me?” Perrin asked. “How quickly they forget.”

Despite his surprising loss in New Hampshire and Iowa, Perrin vows to go on. “I need to rethink my campaign strategy,” Perrin concedes. One big thing that pushed Hillary Clinton ahead of Barack Obama may have been her near breakdown in Portsmouth, NH, when someone asked her how she kept up the pace. “It is hard,” she said, “It is hard.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and her voice broke. The genuine emotion of that moment brought many people to see her as a real human being rather than a coldly scripted automaton.

Perrin’s campaign manager, Aristotle Mongoose, is working on some kind of question that might move Perrin to tears in public. “Like if we told him he would have to give up his afternoon nap during the rest of the campaign, that would make him cry.”

Perrin is not going to bother with the campaign in Nevada. He is going straight to South Carolina. Perrin spent a year and a half in Fort Jackson, just outside of Columbia. He and his army buddies hit practically every bar in town at some time or other, and they always drank cheap beer. Not only was Perrin stationed in South Carolina, but somehow he was assigned to the "Dixie Division." "That should get me some votes from Southerners," Perrin said.

NEW HAMPSHIRE LOSERS

Until a week ago, Hillary Clinton was out in front of other Democrats. Then Barack Obama moved up ahead of her and won the Iowa caucuses. He seems poised to beat her again in the New Hampshire primary today. The strain of working so hard and still losing got to her yesterday when voter asked her how she keeps going at the pace she has been maintaining. “It’s not easy,” she said. “It’s not easy.” Then her voice caught as she went on, ‘‘I’ve had so many wonderful opportunities in this country. This is very personal for me. It’s not just political. It’s not just public.’’

Mitt Romney was the Republican front runner until Mike Huckabee beat him out in Iowa. John McCain seems about to trounce him in New Hampshire. Romney didn’t burst into tears. He reacted by stepping up the negative ads and by further contradicting himself.

Carl Perrin didn’t even show as a blip on the screen in Iowa. The national news has pretty much ignored him, but he was depending on his New Hampshire connections to make a big splash in the state’s primary election today. Then he was blindsided by a negative brochure that questioned his devotion to his signature campaign issue, cheap beer. We posted an article on that dirty political trick on yesterday’s blog. A grim-faced Perrin acknowledged that the negative brochure that came just one day before the primary election will hurt him at the polls.

Perrin managed a tight smile and said, “I’m not going to let this stop me. The people who know me know how much I love cheap beer.”

IS PERRIN A SECRET OENOPHILE?

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin charges political dirty tricks. On the eve of the New Hampshire primary, where Perrin hoped to triumph because of his long-time connections with the state, someone has been passing around flyers that question the former English professor’s devotion to cheap beer. “It’s a vast left/right wing conspiracy,” Perrin says. “They’ll do anything to stop me!”

The flyer has a picture of the candidate, all dressed up to go partying. In his hand he holds, not a beer stein, but a martini glass. “Is this the kind of man you want in the White House?” the flyer asks. “Perrin may talk about cheap beer, but if he gets elected, you can bet wine will be served at every White House function.” The paper goes on to suggest that a man who changes his mind about beer can change his mind about other things as well. “Don’t believe Perrin’s promises,” the flyer states. “He will change his mind about them as soon as he is elected.”

Perrin is stunned by this dirty trick that comes just before the primaries. He knows it is sure to hurt him. He concedes that he might not win the New Hampshire primary, but he still hopes to make a good showing. “My Sigma Tau Gamma fraternity brothers will spread the word that I liked cheap beer way back when I was in college.”

TRYING TOO HARD

During the Iowa campaign most of the candidates pushed themselves to the limit. At midnight on New Year’s Day John Edwards spoke in the town of Atlantic. Then he had stops at 2:15 a.m. and 5:15 a.m. (We wonder how many people were up and about to listen to him at those hours.) This kind of blitzkrieg campaigning left the candidates bleary-eyed and prone to blunders.

Barack Obama mistakenly said the death toll from tornadoes in Kansas last May was 10,000. In fact only 12 died. At one point Bill Richardson said that homosexuality was a choice, when he meant to say the opposite. Mitt Romney promised that he wouldn’t remember Iowans. He meant to say that he wouldn’t forget them. On New Year’s Day Hillary Clinton said people outside were literally freezing to death. No one actually died from the cold weather.

The old guys are showing more common sense about over-extending themselves. John McCain said he tries to get five or six hours of sleep a night. Democratic candidate Carl Perrin goes further. He tries to get seven or eight hours sleep at night and take a nap in the afternoon. That’s why you won’t hear any of those embarrassing gaffes from Perrin.

DOWN BUT NOT OUT

Obama and Huckabee came out ahead in the Iowa caucuses. Huckabee was a blip on the radar just a couple of months ago. But Tuesday night he came from behind to whup Romney but good. Even though Romney has been campaigning actively in Iowa for months and had spent a pile of money there, Huckabee, strongly supported by Evangelical Christians, beat his rival from Massachusetts by 9 percentage points.

Mrs. Clinton took third place in the Democratic primaries, behind Obama and Edwards. Obama picked up a lot of Independents. That will help him when he goes to New Hampshire next week. Senators Joe Biden and Chris Dodd both did so poorly that they decided to drop out of the race.

A poor showing didn’t put a stopper on Dennis Kucinich’s campaign. He is sticking in there until the bitter end, as he did in 2004.

Dr Carl Perrin didn’t do very well in Iowa either. In fact he came in behind Kucinich. Finishing dead last will not stop Perrin either. “Frankly, I didn’t expect to do well in Iowa,” the former English professor said. “I didn’t have the kind of money that the big guys did. What little I have, I’m saving for the general election in the fall.”

Despite the lack of support for Perrin in Iowa, he is going on to New Hampshire. He doesn’t feel a need to spend a lot of money in the Granite State. He knows that people who graduated from Amherst High School will remember him and vote for him. He also depends on support from classmates at Keene Teachers College (Now Keene State), especially his fraternity brothers from Sigma Tau Gamma. UNH alum are sure to vote for him, as are people who graduated from Rivier College, where Perrin got his master’s degree in 1959. He will have the votes of New Hampshire farmers, who will recall Perrin’s father saying, “I’m just a cow shit kicker.”

Perrin is a cowshit kicker from way back. He smiles knowingly. “This is not the end for me. It is a new beginning.”

THE FINAL HOURS

With just hours to go before the Iowa caucuses, the rankings seem to change by the minute. On the Republican side, the race is between Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney, with the former Arkansas governor ahead 31 to 25 percent. Fred Thompson, John McCain, and Ron Paul are neck in neck for third place.

On January 1, Huckabee called a news conference to show a commercial that questioned rival Romney’s honesty. After showing the ad to journalists, Huckabee said he was not going to run it because he wasn’t that kind of person. He was going to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. The journalists were left scratching their heads and saying, “huh?”

On the Democratic side, it is still a three-way race, with Obama slightly ahead with 31 percent, to 27 percent for Edwards, and 24 percent for Clinton. Still running last among the Democrats is Dr. Carl Perrin.

Perrin had prepared a commercial which said, You can’t provide leadership for the nation by being nice like Obama, or by fighting for it like Edwards, or by working for it like Clinton. You just have to have “it,” something you’re born with, like Carl Perrin.

Perrin decided not to run the ad, though, because he is not going to be drawn into negative campaigning. He couldn’t run the ad even if he wanted to because he doesn’t have enough money in his campaign fund to pay for it.

WHAT’S THAT SMELL?

Are illegal aliens crossing our borders to take jobs that are too unpleasant for Americans to do? Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin scoffed at that idea and pointed to a program at Purdue University where students are paid to sniff manure. Albert Heber, a Purdue professor of agricultural and biological engineering, pays students $30 to sniff samples of barnyard air in varying degrees of concentration. The purpose of the program is to test various types of odor-mitigation techniques to determine how close to the barnyard people can live without finding the odor offensive.

Perrin pointed out that these are American students doing the smelling. “We don’t need to hire illegal aliens to smell cow shit. We can do it ourselves.”

Carl Perrin grew up on a New Hampshire farm, so he really knows shit. He says he doesn’t even have to go to Iowa to identify the heavy smell in the atmosphere: It’s bullshit.