Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Rudy Giuliani. Remember him? He’s the tough guy former New York City mayor who was going to kick ass. He was going to show those terrorists a thing or two. For a while he was the Republican front runner in the race for the nomination. Then he decided not to make a real effort in the Iowa race. Too country for him maybe? New Hampshire was too small and too rural also. He isn’t putting in much of an appearance in Michigan today. We’re not sure why.

So Mike Huckleberry comes up from behind and takes the Republican caucus in Iowa, while John McCain comes in first in the New Hampshire Republican primary. Is Giuliani worried? Naw. He has plenty of money for the big races coming up on February 5. The top six or seven Giuliani staffers decide they don’t need a pay check this month. It’s not that the campaign is short on funds. They just don’t need the money. After all, the less you make, the less you have to pay in income taxes. Right?

So Rudy is depending on doing well in the big states, the states with all the delegates, Florida, New York, and California. People in south Florida will remember him. South Florida is almost New York South, so many New Yorkers retire there. But north Florida? Naw. Up near the Georgia border, they’ll say, “Giuliani? Isn’t he the guy who lived with them two homasexules when his second wife kicked him out of the house? She kicked him out of the house after he announced on TV before he mentioned to her that they were splitting up.” Rudy can’t depend on the Sunshine State. Of course they’ll remember him in New York, though not always fondly. Californians? They like movie actors, Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They’ll probably vote for Fred Thompson.

Too bad, Rudy. It was nice knowing you.

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