Saturday, January 26, 2008


Today Democrats go to the primaries to vote for their choice for the presidency. Most of the battle has been between Obama and the Clintons, and that battle has been getting nasty. John Edwards, who was born in the state, has been a distant third in the polls. Some people are wondering if he will be able to remain in the race if he gets badly beaten in the state where he was born. Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of the race, so that puts Carl Perrin in fourth place. Perrin had hopes of doing well in the Palmetto State because he was stationed in the “Dixie” Division at Fort Jackson, SC, during the Korean War. Unfortunately, politics in that state is really dirty. A whispering campaign about Perrin says that his service in the “Dixie” Division at Fort Jackson is nothing. Perrin’s enemies in the state say he is and always was a liberal Yankee. Perrin realizes that without financial resources, he is not going to be able to fight that whispering campaign. He is depending on doing well in the Florida next Tuesday. He knows lot of people in West Palm. That should help.

Meanwhile, on the Republican side, The New York Times endorsed John McCain yesterday. They weren’t enthusiastic about the Arizona senator, but he seemed so much better than his rivals. The paper called former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani, “a narrow, obsessively secretive, vindictive man.” Of Mitt Romney, they said, “It is hard to find an issue on which he has not repositioned himself to the right…” The paper said that when Huckabee put religion into the campaign, he “disqualified himself for the Oval Office.”

The problem that the Republicans have in this campaign is that the party is made up of three groups: Business, conservative social values, and national defense. These groups have different interests. Romney appeals to the business group, but a lot of Republicans don't trust him. Huckabee appeals to the conservative social values people, but Wall Street can't stand him. Giuliani is the national defense guy, but conservative social values people don't like him. None of these men has much appeal for Independents. McCain is the only hope the Republicans have, and McCain wants to continue George Bush’s ruinous policies in taxation and national defense.

1 comment:

THZ said...

A Letter of Introduction from T. Herman Zweibel

By T. Herman Zweibel
Publisher Emeritus (photo circa 1911)

The Onion
January 21, 2008 | Issue 44•03

The school-educated busy-bodies who manage my media properties inform me that it is almost time to appoint a new President. I almost cannot believe it is time for the suet-brained populace of this flagging Republic to be once again herded into the voting-booths to allegedly choose precisely which bloody-handed butcher will crack their bones and suck the marrow over the next few years. Futility, I say, rank and base futility! Does the grist choose the mill, the rabbit the hawk, the innocent 12-year-old Atlantic City orphan girl the lusty mob of beefy, drunk, vacationing coal-oil sales-men? They do not, and neither do the Citizens choose their Leaders. However, if The Onion news-paper can further the illusion that an individual vote has more potential to change the world than a lamb's last bubbling bleat in a crowded slaughter-house—and furthermore, if we may turn a hand-some profit by doing so—than let The Onion be the Judas goat to the milling herd of democratic cattle!

I am told that our new War of the White House section will contain the vetted and censored life stories of each candidate; white-washed and simplified versions of their heinous plans to drain the life and wealth of each and every tax-payer; a schedule denoting the appearances of every aspirant, so that one may go and be covered in unspeakable fulminating lies in person instead of hearing them over the crystal-set. I should God damned well hope that there will also be prettily-colored pictures, or else the average American citizen will not be able to keep his eye on it for more than a few heart-beats, and it would be better yet if there were accompanying photos of ample heaving bosoms. Sadly, the man in the street becomes affronted whenever he feels his supposed dignity is being besmirched. Why is this? The man in the street is, for all his puffery, standing there in the God damned street!

In any case, there will also be a section on how our Democracy works, despite even the simplest boor suspecting in his secret heart of hearts that it is a sham. Which it is. I have not voted since becoming a wealthy industrialist, having figured out some time ago that it is much wiser to employ the organ grinder than vote for the monkey. Still, I hope this special section is of some amusement to all. I understand that one of the candidates is campaigning in a dress this year, and yet another in a minstrel's blackface, which I must say was unexpected; but as long as there are no Catholics on the ballot, I see no reason to summon the marksmen.

Now get back to work!