Sexual Orientation Revealed

PERRIN REVEALS SEXUAL ORIENTATION

The photo of Carl Perrin and “Natashia” that came to light last week has led some people to raise questions about Perrin’s sexuality. In the photo, a mustachioed “Natashia”, smoking a cigar and wearing a dress, has an arm around Perrin’s shoulder. Perrin is wearing his reserve officer’s uniform. To some it hardly seems credible that Perrin, a Ph. D., didn’t even notice that “Natashia” had a mustache. “Anyway, we were just friends,” the candidate insisted.

For a long time under intense questioning by reporters, Perrin kept avoiding the issue of his sexual orientation. At last, he broke down and confessed that he is a heterosexual. “Not only am I a heterosexual,” he said, “but my sexual orientation is directly related to my having been married three times. At least with me, you won’t have to worry about my chasing male congressional pages around.”

While he was in a confessional mood, Perrin went on to reveal another shortcoming. He disclosed that he is a chocoholic. He admits that he has a chocolate bar “now and then,” but insists that he is able to keep his craving for chocolate under control. “I’m not going to go on a chocolate binge and send the army to invade Newfoundland or anything like that.”