EXCITEMENT

Woman at left yawns with excitement at Perrin rally


Barack Obama has the charisma of a rock star. It is not unusual for people to faint from excitement at his rallies. It has become so routine that when someone keels over, the senator asks if there is an E.M.T. in the house to help the person who has fainted. “I think somebody got faint,” he will say. “They just need a little water and some juice.”

Democratic candidate Carl Perrin thought he was generating the same kind of excitement recently. He was giving a stirring talk about how important correct grammar is for effective government when a woman slumped to the floor from the chair where she had been sitting. None of the nine people at the rally was an E.M.T., but as it turned out, the “victim” didn’t need any medical assistance anyway. When someone asked her if she was all right, she sat up, grinned sheepishly, and said, “Sorry, I guess I just fell asleep.”

PERRIN DEMANDS RECOUNT

In the New Jersey Democratic primary, Hillary Clinton won 55 percent of the vote to Barack Obama’s 44 percent. Who got the other one percent? The mainstream media doesn’t even mention other candidates.

Democrat Carl Perrin learned recently that some of the people who live in his retirement village voted for him. There is no breakdown in the newspapers to show how many of the people who know Perrin well voted for him. He is charging discrimination. Did the Democratic establishment and the news just ignore those votes because they came from senior communities? “We’re going to get the AARP involved in this,” a grim-faced Perrin promised. “These people are going to learn that they can’t just ignore senior citizens.”

Even though Perrin has not yet picked up any delegates, and the news is focused on the battle between Clinton and Obama, the former English professor is encouraged by the fact that the people who know him best voted for him. Residents of his retirement community voted for him. Most of his relatives voted for him. (One brother-in-law didn’t vote for him, but that is because of a personal conflict.) Even some crossover Republican relatives voted for him.

If the people who know him the best consider him to be the most qualified candidate, all we have to do is get the word out. Click on the envelope icon on the bottom of this posting, and send this blog to people you know. Be especially sure to send it to residents of retirement communities. Once the word gets out, voters will know what a strong candidate they have in Dr. Carl Perrin.

SECRET INSIDE STUFF FROM McCAIN HEADQUARTERS

Even those Republicans who support John McCain and his positions on the issues wonder about his age. Political analysts speculate that the senator may seek a younger running mate whom voters would consider qualified to succeed him if he dies before the end of his term.

Our sources tell us something quite different. Instead of looking for a younger running mate, they are considering someone older than McCain, someone perhaps like Dr. Carl Perrin. Although such a choice seems counterintuitive, it makes sense when you look at it carefully. First of all, compared to Perrin, McCain will seem like a young man. Second, conservatives are still likely to sit out this election. Even though he has been cozying up to them lately, they still consider him too liberal. With Perrin as a vice presidential candidate, the campaign would attract enough cross-over Democrats to make up for the lost conservative votes.

From Perrin’s point of view, the proposal offers some advantages. Even though the former English professor has not conceded, his chance of gaining the nomination seems more remote every day. Running with McCain would give Perrin a chance to get into a position of power in Washington. Plus he would get that nice salary and the perks of the office. Also, if McCain and Perrin were elected and served two terms, Perrin as vice president would have a shot at the nomination in 2016. After all, Strom Thurmond served in the Senate until he was 100 years old. Why couldn’t Perrin run for the presidency at age 86?

PERRIN DENIES USE OF PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS

Over 80 current and former major league baseball players have been accused of using performance enhancing drugs to boost their playing ability. Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens testified, unconvincingly that he has been unjustly accusing of being one of those who had used steroids or human growth hormones.

It is not surprising that suspicions soon turned to the presidential candidates. And who looks more suspicious than Carl Perrin, a 77-year-old with the stamina of a much younger man. People who know him say he has as much energy as a guy in his late sixties.

Perrin, however, insists that he has never used any performance-enhancing drugs, other than cheap beer. “My physical and intellectual prowess are just a natural gift,” Perrin said modestly.

NADER TO TRY AGAIN

Saying that he has not done enough damage to the country, former Green Party candidate Ralph Nader is forming a committee to explore another run for the presidency.

In the 2000 election Nader drew enough votes from Democratic candidate Al Gore to give the election to George Bush. Nader refuses to accept responsibility for the election outlook, saying the Democrats are responsible for their own losing campaign. According to him, Gore was weak on environmental issues. “If the Democrats had run a strong environmental candidate,” he says, “I wouldn’t have been in the race.”

Some Democrats blame Nader for Gore’s losing the Florida race, which in turn lost the election. Nader denies that. Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris (who was also chair of Bush’s Florida campaign) made rulings that disenfranchised a lot of Democrats. That helped, and so did the right wing Supreme Court.

So without Nader’s egomaniacal run for the presidency, we wouldn’t have had the disastrous George W. Bush presidency. Is that what he wanted? How can he possibly think there was no difference between Al Gore and George Bush?

You’ve caused enough trouble, Ralph. Go find another hobby, one that won’t be so damaging to the country.

THE NEW YORK TIMES GIVETH, AND THE TIMES TAKETH AWAY

A month ago the New York Times endorsed Senator John McCain for the Republican nomination for president. This endorsement, along with dozens of others, probably helped McCain jump over his rivals to become the presumed candidate. Yesterday the Times published an article that suggested that the Arizona senator may have had an improper relationship with Vicki Iseman, a lobbyist. The article was pretty vague about how the relationship was improper, whether it was romantic or political.

After McCain’s rivals one by one dropped out of the race, the Republican right wing was less than thrilled by his ascendancy. They considered him too liberal. Rush Windbag said that if McCain became the Republican candidate, it would do irreparable harm to the party. With the Times’ article about McCain’s possibly "improper relationship" with Vicki Iseman, conservatives rushed to the senator’s defense. To them, a negative article in the Times was a "badge of honor." Even Rusho defended McCain against the New York Times. McCain denied having an improper relationship of any kind with the lobbyist, saying she was a friend.

The likely source of the story was present or former members of the senator’s campaign staff. Hey, wait a minute! You don’t suppose??? Did someone from McCain’s staff deliberately plant a false story with the New York Times in order to create sympathy for the senator among conservatives? Stranger things have happened.

IS PERRIN TOO OLD TO BE PRESIDENT?

One of the questions that voters have about Senator John McCain is about whether at age 71, he too old to be president. At that age, after all, he could just suddenly keel over. He counters that question by his vigorous style of campaigning.

If by some remote chance, Carl Perrin is able to secure the Democratic nomination, what an election that would be: a Republican geezer against a Democratic super-geezer!

Naturally people have the same question about Perrin, who will be 78 by Election Day. Does a man that age have the stamina and energy to serve as the nation’s chief executive? Perrin pooh-poohs the thought. As long as he gets his nap every afternoon and gets to bed by a decent hour (9:00 p.m.), he is fine. He keeps up his energy by a daily dose of chocolate and a couple of cheap beers every evening. His memory is great—as long he writes everything down and doesn’t forget where he put those notes to himself.

Not only that, but Perrin comes from a long-lived family. One of his parents and two of his grandparents were still in good health in their nineties. Perrin knows how to limit himself. You don’t see him working his ass off campaigning. He takes it easy and lets the others do the heavy lifting.

Voters can be confident that Perrin will not keel over in the next four years. Furthermore, in 2012, he will be ready to start his campaign for his second term.

ALL IN FAVOR OF TORTURE SAY, “AYE”

You have to feel sorry for George Bush. The Democrats in the Senate keep coming up with petty things to try to keep the president from doing his job.

Senate sneaks just sent a bill to the White House, which would require that the CIA follow the US Army Field Manual in its techniques of interrogation. The field manual forbids water boarding.

George Bush, naturally, is going to veto the bill. “What’s the point of being president,” he asked, ‘if you can’t authorize a little water boarding now and then?”

Senator John McCain, a former POW, voted against the bill, insisting that the vote was consistent with his position against torture. He went on to explain: “We always supported allowing the CIA to use extra measures. I believe waterboarding is illegal and should be banned.”

Huh? Where’s the straight talk express on this issue, John?

ANOTHER WIN FOR OBAMA

Barack Obama came out ahead of Hillary Clinton in yesterday’s contests for the Democratic nomination. What the national news media seem to overlook is the fact that Carl Perrin is still in the race. Sure he didn’t do well in the Mid-Atlantic states, but he didn’t even campaign there. He is putting all his effort into the Ohio primary. He lived in the state for nine years, taught at Defiance College, and earned his Ph.D. at Ohio State University. All that should count for something.

In the meantime, although the campaign in Maine is over, Perrin still has a strong organization there. He is calling on his supporters in the Pine Tree State to collect more returnable cans and bottles to help his campaign treasury. He recognizes that if his campaign is to come from behind, he is going to have to start advertising. He is putting out the call not just in Maine, but to his supporters all around the country to make a contribution to his fight for the nomination.

The country is calling for change, and this is a historic opportunity—to elect a really old guy to the presidency, someone who has been around even longer than John McCain.

PERRIN CONGRATULATES OBAMA

Democratic candidate Carl Perrin congratulated Barack Obama for winning the most delegates in Maine’s caucuses Sunday. He won 15 of the state’s delegates to Hillary Clinton’s nine. Perrin didn’t pick up a single delegate.

Perrin’s campaign has been beset with problems from the beginning. He had hoped to do well in New Hampshire, the state where he grew up. Next he thought a lot of citizens from South Carolina would support him because he spent the first half of his army career at Fort Jackson. After that he pinned his hopes on getting a lot of votes from his friends in West Palm Beach, Florida. He assumed that New Jersey Democrats would give him the nod because that’s where he lives now. As everyone knows, Perrin went down in all four states.

Losing in Maine, however, was a bitter disappointment to Perrin. He lived in the Pine Tree State for 26 years, and he had an active organization going for him there. They raised hundreds of dollars for his campaign by collecting returnable cans and bottles. Perrin’s supporters, however, did not have to strength to overcome Obama’s organization and money.

Some political analysts think the Perrin campaign is doomed, but Perrin vows never to give up. “A lot of things can happen between now and November,” he says. “I’ll be in it to the bitter end.”

PEACE AND PROSPERITY

Speaking to the Conservative Political Action Conference Friday, President Bush said, "The stakes in November are high. This is an important election. Prosperity and peace are in the balance.” That is true, but not in the way he means it. We can’t help but wonder what kind of Orwellian logic leads him to suggest his party is offering peace and prosperity.

The country is on the brink of a recession. Perhaps the major cause of the impending recession is the implosion created by sub-prime mortgages, which has caused thousands upon thousands of foreclosures, a credit crisis, a falling stock market, and a loss of jobs. The mortgage industry needed some supervision, which the Republican administration was unwilling to give, because that would have been an interference in the market.

And peace! How dare he talk about peace? The country went to war in Afghanistan to try to take out the people who were responsible for the attack on the World Trade Center. But then, instead of pursuing that war with the intensity it deserved, the Bush administration opened another war, an unjustified war that they tried to justify with lies. That war has been an unmitigated disaster for the United States in countless way. George Bush should be ashamed to talk about peace!

THE COST OF BIOFUEL

Some people think our campaign for cheap beer is just a joke, but we are dead serious about this. Why has the cost of beer been going up for the past couple of years? It is because the farmers who used to grow barley are now growing corn. Barley is used to make beer. As the supply of barley decreases, the price goes up. The cost is then passed on to the nation’s beer drinkers.

Why are farmers growing corn? Because corn will be processed into ethanol. The more ethanol we use, the less petroleum. The less petroleum, the less damage to the atmosphere. At least that’s the theory. But according to a recent study, it might not work that way. As more and more land is cleared to make way for biofuels, greenhouse gases are released into the atmosphere. This happens when vegetation that has been cut down is burned. It gets worse. The new crops do not absorb as much carbon dioxide as the trees they replaced. The end result is that biofuels ultimately create more greenhouse gases than do conventional fuels.

Another adverse result is that vegetable oil once used in cooking is now being converted in diesel fuel. The result is that the cost of food has gone up. This is particularly painful in the poorer countries.

We’re all for protecting the atmosphere, but we wonder if biofuels are the way to go, particularly if they don’t really cut down on greenhouse gases, make food more expensive for the world’s poor, and increase the cost of beer.

WHO’S ON FIRST?

Every day brings news surprises as the candidates race to the conventions next summer. Mitt Romney has stopped campaigning, leaving John McCain as the presumed Republican nominee.

On the Democratic side, things are not so clear cut. Clinton has 1045 delegates to Obama’s 960. That gives a slight edge to Hillary, but not so fast. He has raised a pile more money than she has. In January he raised $32 million to her $13.5. Since Super Tuesday he has raised $7.2 million, while she raised $4 million. That puts him in a position to spend a lot more in the primary races ahead.

In an attempt to catch up with Obama, Clinton has lent $5 million of her own money to the campaign, and some of her senior staff have voluntarily given up their pay checks in the race toward the finish. That doesn’t sound good. Remember what happened when Rudy’s senior staff did the same thing.

WHO WILL BE VICE PRESIDENT?

After yesterday’s primary elections, John McCain is definitely out front. People are beginning to wonder, if he wins the nomination, whom will he pick as running mate? He and Romney have a clear dislike for each other, so that doesn’t seem a likely combination. What about Mike Huckabee? The former Arkansas governor and Baptist minister would appeal to some of the social conservatives that have doubts about McCain. As governor, however, Huckabee seemed pretty moderate. Conservatives who consider McCain too liberal would probably think the same of Huckabee.

On the Democratic side, the race is still open. Neither Obama nor Clinton has a clear advantage here. The question still remains. No matter which of them wins the nomination, whom would he or she choose as a running mate? The New York Times ran a list of possible running mates for all the candidates still left in the race. For the most part, the people mentioned in the article were not well known. It is hard to see how most of them would bring many votes to the presidential candidate in the general election.

This is why Hillary Clinton and John McCain have come up with a daring strategy. All of this is very hush hush, but we have reason to believe it is true. Just yesterday, as we reported in this blog, Clinton and McCain both switched parties. The news strategy is for both of them to switch parties again! They will run together as Independents. The plan makes sense because the two have long been friends. Clinton could still get the Democratic nomination, but she could lose it. If Obama wins, it doesn’t seem likely that he will offer her the second spot on the ticket. Some conservatives, like Ann Coulter, have said that they would vote and campaign for Clinton if McCain is the Republican nominee. Clinton will pick up the ultra-conservative vote, while McCain will appeal to Independents and Democrats who don’t like Hillary. It will truly be a dream team.

Which one will run as president, and which will be the vice presidential candidate? That hasn’t been decided yet. They will work that out after they find out who has the most delegates.

CLINTON AND McCAIN SWITCH PARTIES!

In a stunning turnaround, Senators Clinton and McCain switched political parties! It all started last week when ultra-conservative writer Ann Coulter stated on “Hannity and Colmes” that she would support Clinton over McCain. She even said that she would campaign for the New York Senator if McCain won the Republican nomination.

Yesterday conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh said, "McCain will kill conservatism as a dominant force in the Republican Party." Other conservatives got into the act. James Dobson, founder of the Colorado Springs-based Focus on the Family, said, "Speaking as a private individual, I would not vote for John McCain under any circumstances." Other conservatives have spoken out against the Arizona senator as well.

Conservatives say that McCain is not a true Republican. He voted against the Bush tax bill in 2001 and 2003. He also supported campaign finance reform and a immigration bill that would allow illegal aliens to become citizens.

Independents and even Democrats, on the other hand, love the Vietnam veteran. Even moderates and liberals who disagree with him on the issues, admire him as a man and think he would be a great leader. To insiders, then, it comes as no great surprise that John McCain said to Republicans, “If you don’t like me, to hell with you. I’m going to run as a Democrat.”

Where most people, even liberals, like John McCain, few people like Hillary Clinton, the person. Most Democrats admire her and respect her ability, but they don’t really like her. They don’t think she is authentic. Where McCain is known for his straight talk, Clinton is not completely trusted.

She speaks of her experience, but some people wonder if she learned the right lesson from that experience. Her biggest defeat was her healthcare plan back during her husband’s first term in office. Was she too secretive, too insular in that battle? Might the health care plan been a triumph if she had managed it better? Some Democrats are leery of her, especially now that Ann Coulter has promised her support. Can you blame Mrs. Clinton for considering a switch to the Republican party?

VOTE FOR PERRIN

If you live in one of the states that will be holding a primary tomorrow, you have a wonderful opportunity to vote for Carl Perrin, a man of the people. While Perrin’s name will not appear on the ballot in any of these states, nothing will stop you from writing his name in.

We understand that both Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh are endorsing and campaigning for Hillary Clinton. Are there any right-wing nuts who have not yet endorsed a Democratic candidate? What about Pat Robertson? He endorsed Rudy, but Rudy is out of the race now. Carl Perrin shares with Rudy Giuliani the distinction of three marriages. That should count for something. Sean Hannity? Imus? Anyone? Perrin knows he is a come-from-behind candidate, and he will welcome an endorsement from anyone.

When you go to the voting place tomorrow, you Democrats, don’t forget to write “Carl Perrin” in the space for write-ins. If you have some influence, the Perrin campaign could use the boost of an endorsement from a celebrity. (Not Britney Spears or Paris Hilton—We draw the line somewhere.) Finally, don’t forget, a vote for Perrin is a vote for cheap beer.

ANN COULTER TO CAMPAIGN FOR HILLARY

Ann Coulter doesn’t think the John McCain is conservative enough. On Hannity & Colmes Friday night she said if the election is between John McCain and Hillary Clinton, she will not only vote for Hillary; she will campaign for her, saying that Clinton is more conservative than McCain. She is particularly incensed that McCain against torturing enemy captives, stating that she is in favor of torture.

She went on to say that Mrs. Clinton lies less than Mr. McCain, and she’s smarter than he is. “He is very, very bad for the country,” she added.

Will conservative stop at nothing? Maybe they will have George Bush or even Dick Cheney himself endorse the Democratic candidate.

MITT ROMNEY, ANOTHER GEORGE BUSH?

Mitt Romney claims he is the candidate most like President George Bush. Both men have a Harvard MBA. Bush sat out the Vietnam War in the Air National Guard, while Romney didn’t serve in the military at all.

Like Bush, Romney wants to bring his businessman’s acumen to the White House. Like Bush, Romney wants to help American businesses—even if it is at a cost to working people. One of Bush’s strokes of genius was his Medicare drug plan. The plan had some minor inconveniences for seniors, like the donut hole. If seniors don’t take care of themselves and became really sick, they have to foot the entire cost of their prescriptions once the cost reached a certain point. That would be an incentive to seniors to take better care of themselves.

The drug plan was a boon to the pharmaceutical industry. The government would not negotiate with drug companies to hold down the price of drugs under plan because that would be an interference with private enterprise. At the same time the Bush administration put a stop to sneaky seniors who were getting their prescriptions filled in Canada. After all, the FDA couldn’t guarantee the safety of those Canadian drugs.

At the same time the government under George Bush made it easier for pharmaceutical companies to buy stuff from China, a place known for the safety of its products. Well, there was that little thing about cancer patients who became paralyzed after taking drugs for leukemia manufactured by Shanghai Hualian. But no one is perfect, and business is business.

Mitt Romney insists he will provide the same kind of pro-business government that we have seen in the present administration.

In other news, President Bush is proposing major cuts in the Medicare program.

Meanwhile drug company Wyeth reported that during the fourth quarter of last year, earnings rose 17 percent, from $855 million to $1.02 billion.