PERRIN AND EDWARDS TO ACCEPT PUBLIC FINANCING FOR DEMOCRATIC PRIMARIES

Two major Democratic candidates announced that they would accept public funding for their campaigns. Former North Carolina senator John Edwards said that he had made that decision not because of a shortage of funds but to make a distinction between himself and Senator Hillary Clinton. Edwards has charged that Clinton has accepted money from tainted sources that would make her beholden to them if she is elected. Edwards’ statement also reminded people that Senator Clinton had to return almost $1 million collected by fugitive from justice Norman Hsu.

Former English professor Dr. Carl Perrin also says that he has plenty of funds. His loyal supporters in Maine keep collecting those returnable cans and bottles and cashing them in at recycling centers. Perrin campaign manager Aristotle Mongoose says there is almost $500 in the campaign treasury.

Accepting public funding puts some limits on the campaign. For example, a candidate who accepts public financing cannot spend more than $800,000 in New Hampshire. “Shucks,” Perrin said, “I wasn’t planning to spend anything like that much in New Hampshire. After all, I grew up in the state. That should lead a lot of New Hampshire people to vote for me because I understand the state.”

ELECTION CAMPAIGN

Like the other major candidates for the Democratic nomination for the presidency, Dr. Carl Perrin is gearing up for a final push as the primaries get closer. Perrin’s campaign manager Aristotle Mongoose tells us that a big media blitz will be coming out in the next few months. Perrin will not be advertising on television because he believes that television is an invention of the devil, but you can expect to see “Perrin for President” ads in newspapers.

The Perrin campaign will bypass the big city newspapers like the New York Times and the Washington Post. Instead his ads will appear in small town papers like the Milford Cabinet in New Hampshire, the Westbrook American Journal in Maine, and Leisure Times in New Jersey. Perrin’s ads will be aimed toward the little people, the everyday average American. Once these ads come out, the American public will see why they should vote for Perrin.

In the meantime Democratic candidates are all hoping for the endorsement of the Service Employees International Union. Aristotle Mongoose says they might as well forget it. The union is going to endorse Dr. Carl Perrin, the only candidate who actually belonged to a union.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH

At one time Dr Carl Perrin worked in a crisis unit for people with mental illness. Sometimes when these people were having a problem, they would stay in the unit for a few days as an alternative to going back to the hospital. Needless to say, Perrin met some very interesting people there. Perrin has a kind face, and often these people opened up and told them secrets that they said they wouldn’t tell anyone else.

One man confided to Perrin that he had been getting signals from Russia for years. The Russians were sending electromagnetic waves to his brain. He said he hadn’t told this to many people, but he told Perrin a half an hour after he met him because he felt he could trust Perrin.

On another occasion a woman told Perrin that the government was “out to get her” because she “knew too much.” It was Perrin’s kind and honest face that led her to tell Perrin her secret shortly after she met him. After a few days the woman went home to her apartment in Portland, Maine. A couple of months later the woman realized that “the government was pumping poison gas into her apartment.” To counteract the poison gas, she turned on her gas-burning stove, which started a fire. This time the woman didn’t stop at the crisis unit. She was taken back to the hospital.

Columbia University invited one of the big-time wackos to speak yesterday, a man who denied the Holocaust and asserted that there were no homosexuals in Iran, etc. Columbia did this in the name of free speech. Come on, if Columbia really believed in free speech, they would have a forum for the unfortunate people Perrin worked with. I bet that woman would love an opportunity to tell an audience about how the “government was out to get her.”

NEWS ITEMS

GUILIANI AND THE NRA
Rudy Guiliani cozied up to the NRA, telling them that his views on gun control were now similar to theirs. Sure, he admitted, as New York City mayor he had joined a lawsuit against the gun industry, charging that they made it too easy for crooks to get guns. Now he has changed his mind. He thinks that crooks should not have to go through a big hassle when they want to get a gun.

ROMNEY: LIFETIME MEMBER OF THE NRA
Mitt Romney has also converted. As Massachusetts governor, he supported gun control. Now he doesn’t think guns should be controlled. For the past year and a half Romney has been a lifetime member of the NRA. He became a member when he started his run for the presidency.

ROMNEY ON HEALTH CARE
As Massachusetts governor, Romney signed into law a bill to create medical coverage for everyone in the state. The bill had a lot in common with Hillary Clinton’s proposal for medical coverage. Now Romney doesn’t believe that sort of coverage is a good thing. “If people can’t afford medical insurance,” he said, “ the government shouldn’t hand it to them.”

DYING IN MOSCOW
Moscow cemeteries are running out of space to bury their dead. To deal with the problem, it has become illegal to die in Moscow. Anyone who dies in Moscow without permission will be fined 60 rubles ($2.34).

ANOTHER VICTORY FOR BUSH

President Bush adds another victory to his string of successes. Citing the success of his surge strategy in Iraq, the president stated that by Christmas he can begin bringing home the extra troops he sent to Iraq at the beginning of the year. “By next summer, he said, “we should be back to the level we were two years ago.”

Mr. Bush’s stunning success in Iraq has been equaled in other areas. Sure, even though Bush’s FEMA director did a heck of a job after Hurricane Katrina, there was some damage inflicted on New Orleans, but you have to look at the good side: A lot of undesirables moved away, leaving it with a smaller population.

And Bush’s attorney general really cleaned up the Justice Department. He got rid of a lot of closet Democrats and others who didn’t show appropriate party loyalty. The department is a lot different from what it was six years ago.

One of the great milestones of the Bush administration has been the Orwellian Medicare prescription drug program with its irrational “donut hole” and its penalty to seniors who do not sign up for the program as soon as they’re eligible.

His one big failure was the attempt to take Social Security into some kind of private enterprise program. But you can’t say he didn’t try. If those Democrats hadn’t fought him tooth and nail, he might have succeeded even there.

As of today Bush has 496 days to occupy the White House. We hope he doesn’t have too many more successes like the ones he has had so far.

RETURN TO SENDER

Campaign funds returned by Senator Clinton: $850,000.

Campaign funds returned by Dr. Perrin: $0.

First Senator Hillary Clinton decided to give to charity the $23,000 that fugitive from justice Norman Hsu had donated directly to her campaign. Then she decided that she should also return the $850,000 that Hsu had raised for her from other people. Hsu, a fugitive from justice on a fraud charge dating back to 1992, liked to make generous contributions to political campaigns. When his legal status became known, Mrs. Clinton gave away the $23,000 he had contributed to her. Then when he tried to dodge a new court date, the Clinton campaign figured they had better give back the $850,000 Hsu had gathered from other contributors and passed along to her campaign fund.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has had no such trouble. He has not and will not have to return any campaign contributions. He is not beholden to any special interests, shady or squeaky clean. Most of Perrin’s campaign funds have come from returnable cans and bottles. It is not the big money or the special interests who have supported Perrin. It is the little people, collecting returnables one bottle or one can at a time. When Perrin is elected, it is the little people for whom he will be working, not the big money people.

THANK GOD THE SCHOOL WAS VIGILANT

TEENAGER STIRRING UP TROUBLE

Merrimack, New Hampshire, high school student Melissa Morin tried to create a major problem for her high school when she submitted a senior picture with her sitting on a trunk and holding a red flower. It is easy to understand why school officials would be upset by such an outrageous act of defiance.

A couple of years ago a student in another school district submitted a senior picture of himself wearing hunting clothes and holding a shot gun over his shoulder. Merrimack High School officials then instituted a policy that that banned all props in senior pictures. Not guns, not weapons, but all props. Those teenagers are always thinking about things they can do to get adults all upset.

But Melissa Morin just ignored the rule and posed for a picture of herself holding a flower. If they let her get away with holding a flower, pretty soon students would be submitting pictures of themselves with their cats and dogs or holding cell phones or sitting at computers. There’s no telling where it would have ended if the school authorities hadn’t acted promptly.

HSU TWO

Moneyman and political donor Norman Hsu has been arrested in Grand Junction, Colorado. Hsu has been a fugitive from justice since conviction on a fraud charge in California in 1992, when he failed to appear in court for sentencing. In the meantime Mr. Hsu has gone on making money and contributing to political candidates. Unfortunately, the donations to big-name candidates brought him to the attention of the San Mateo, California, court, where he was supposed to have appeared fifteen years ago.

He went back to court and posted a $2 million bail and was scheduled to go back Wednesday, September 5. True to form, he just took off again, hoping perhaps to get another fifteen years before they caught up with him again. He became sick on an Amtrack train en route to Denver, Colorado, and was taken to the hospital, where he was arrested by the FBI. Mr. Hsu appeared surprised. “September 5? Oh, I thought I was supposed to be back in court on October 5.” The FBI was having none of it; they will be taking him back to California.

The fugitive gave over $1.2 million to political candidates in the past few years, including presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin never accepted any money from Hsu. Perhaps Hsu hoped that President Hillary Clinton would grant him a pardon in return for the $23,000 he donated to her campaign, just as President Bill Clinton pardoned a bunch of bozos in his last days in office. Mrs. Clinton, however, seems unlikely to pardon Hsu. She donated the $23,000 to charity.

NO-SHOW HSU

Hillary Clinton gave to charity that money donated by Democratic fund raiser Norman Hsu. Mr. Hsu turned out to be a fugitive from justice. In 1991 he pleaded no contest to a charge of grand theft after he admitted that he had defrauded investors of $1 million. Then he just never showed for his sentenced. Instead he kept on making money and donating to political campaigns, including Mrs. Clinton’s.

His political donations brought him publicity and the notice of the San Mateo, California, Superior Court. He was scheduled to appear in court on September 5, but guess what? He never showed up. He was also supposed to turn in his passport, but he didn’t do that either.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin is glad that Mr. Hsu never donated any money to his campaign. He would hate to have to give it back.

POOP BAGS

Taking a hike in the woods isn’t what it used to be. First of all, if you’re way out in the boonies, you might want to take a GPS with you. If you get lost, it will help rescuers find you. Of course you need to take your cell phone with you too. It’s not like you’re going to surf the net with the cell phone or play video games, or check your email, nothing like that. But what if someone falls and breaks a limb? A cell phone can literally be a lifesaver in an emergency.

But the latest modern innovation is wag bags or poop bags. In a lot of national forests and parks, particularly in out-of-the-way places, rangers are taking down outhouses and handing visitors plastic bags. Hikers can poop into the bags and carry the waste back out with them, thus eliminating the need to clean out privies in places like Mount Whitney.

It sure isn't like it was in the old days.

EXPERIENCE VS CHANGE

Senator Clinton says that Senator Obama doesn’t have enough experience. Obama says that Clinton is a Washington insider who will bring the same old cynical politics as usual to the job of president. He promises to bring a change to the way things are done in Washington.

The fact is, they both have a point. The country wants a president who knows what he or she is doing, someone who has the experience to deal with all kinds of people. Voters are tired of the same old way of doing things in Washington, the inside deals, the double talk, the infighting and back-stabbing, the political bloviating.

What if there were a candidate who could bring experience and change, a candidate who could reach out to all the people (well, almost all), a candidate who can be trusted?

Happily Dr. Carl Perrin is just such a candidate. He grew up on a New Hampshire farm, but he has lived in a big city (St. Louis). He is a New England Yankee, but he served in the Dixie Division during the Korean War. As an English professor, he has worked with people from all over the country and all over the world.

Although Perrin is a good-looking guy, he is not just another pretty face. He has a Ph.D. from Ohio State University, and he’s the author of half a dozen published books. With this kind of background, Perrin is bound to bring a new way of looking at things to Washington politics.

You can’t go wrong with a vote for Perrin. With him you get the best of both worlds.

TRADE UNIONS BACK CANDIDATES

The International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers endorsed two presidential candidates, one Democrat and one Republican. The union endorsed Senator Hillary Clinton because of her focus on jobs, health care, education, and trade. Since a third of the membership are Republicans, the union also endorsed Republican candidate Mike Huckabee. They liked Huckabee because he was “the only Republican candidate with the guts to meet with our members.”

In the meantime the carpenters’ union endorsed John Edwards because of his “outspoken support for all of organized labor and his focus on America’s working families.” The Association of Fire Fighters endorsed Democratic Senator Chris Dodd. Edwards , Barack Obama, and Joe Biden all have walked in picket lines with union members.

To all of this Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin says, “Well, la-ti-da!” Did any of these characters ever actually belong to a union? Well, Dr. Perrin still has his AFT (American Federal of Teachers) lapel button. He wore it while he was in a picket line marching around the Board of Education in St. Louis, MO. He also belonged to the NEA (National Education Association) and the AAUP (American Association of University Professors).

When all these educational unions kick in with their endorsements, the Perrin campaign will be on a roll.