PERRIN WITHDRAWS FROM THE RACE

In a stunning eleventh hour development, Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has withdrawn from the presidential election.

Perrin admitted that he had known for a long time that he didn’t have much chance to win the election. Why, then, bother even to withdraw at this late date?

“Although I knew I couldn’t win,” the candidate told our reporter, “I do have a big following. I was afraid that my supporters would draw votes away from Obama and throw the election to McCain and the moose lady.” I didn’t want to the American people what Ralph Nader did in 2000. I didn’t want to have that on my conscience.

“I want to thank all the people who supported my campaign, especially all those Mainers who raised money for me by picking up returnable cans and bottles. I hope I will be able to work with President Obama to keep cheap beer flowing to American men and women.

“I wish Obama well, and I have confidence that he will be an outstanding president. But if I am disappointed, I will be around for the next election. I will be only 82 in 2012. Don’t forget Konrad Adenauer was Chancellor of Germany until the age 87.”