ELECTION CHAOS

    

 Things are getting really dicey. Just a couple of weeks to the Republican 

Convention, and huge numbers of GOP stalwarts are doing all they can to prevent Donald Trump from getting the nomination. The Bushes are not going to the convention. George Will has dropped out of the Republican Party. The Koch brothers are not contributing to Trump's campaign. Republican senators are saying that they might vote for Hillary! Republican leaders in both the House and Senate are criticizing some of The Donald's most outrageous Statements. Mitch McConnell refused to say whether Trump was qualified to be President. Polls show Hillary 12 points ahead of Donald.

    Meanwhile everything is not all sweetness and light with the Democrats. A tell-all book by a former Secret Serviceman is letting secrets out of the bag. According to this book, Hillary once threw a lamp at Bill. Pictures of the broken lamp are offered as proof. The Clinton White House was a wild, swinging times, filled with cocaine sniffing orgies. Oh My!

    Former Presidential candidate Carl Perrin has not escaped from all this calumny. Stories that came out during his 2008 campaign are rising to the surface again. According to these stories, he used federal funds to travel to Maine to see a woman young enough to be his daughter. This story was completely insidious because on the surface it is true, but the insinuation is not. The "federal funds" that Perrin used were his Social Security check. The woman "young enough to be his daughter" was in fact his daughter. Why would stories like this come out now? Perrin wasn't even in this election campaign. He found that all that politicking was interfering with his nap time. However, Hillary is looking for a vice presidential candidate to run with her. Naturally the former English professor's name came up.

Why would anyone object to Perrin's being named to the Democratic ticket? Two theories come up. Some politicians object to Perrin not because they have anything against him, but because they are promoting some other candidate for the job. Still others say that they object to Perrin because he is not qualified for the job! 

    When he was running for office in 2008, he didn't have a fully-planned platform, these people say. The only thing he promised was cheap beer. Nothing about taxes, defense, health care. Cheap beer is important, but there are other things that should concern the President.

    Perrin isn’t even sure he wants the job. Why should he settle for being vice president? He is already president of the LV Computer Club

An Interview with former Presidential Candidate Carl Perrin

Yes, I have a major regret, said Perrin, getting right to the point. I should have taken the campaign more seriously from the beginning. The problem with this presidential election is that there have been no good candidates on either side. Trump is a liar and a bully. He lacks the gravitas and the temperament to be president. He has no policy plans except his ego. In the beginning a lot of people thought that his campaign was a joke, but no one is laughing now.  It seems that he most likely will capture the Republican nomination.

Cruz is one of the most disliked politicians ever, and no one hates him more than his Republican colleagues. The former Republican Speaker of the House called Cruz a miserable son of a bitch, the devil in the flesh. Cruz has taken the unusual step of naming a running mate even though he cannot gain the nomination unless there is a brokered convention. His running mate, Carly Fiorina, isn’t much better liked than the Texas Senator. As CEO of HP computer company, she ran the business almost into the ground until she was booted. Before she was booted out, she cut thousands of jobs from HP.

Ohio governor John Kasich doesn’t seem too bad. He has political experience as congressman and governor. He is well liked in the Buckeye State. He looks especially good in comparison to Trump and Cruz. But he has garnered only a handful of delegates, compared to his two rivals, who each have hundreds.

Really, things don’t look much better on the Democratic side. Bernie Sanders has attracted an enthusiastic following. A lot of people like his ideas about taking more from the rich and creating benefits like free college for everyone. The problem is it seems more and more unlikely that he would ever be able to bring these ideas to fruition. Further, in interviews with the New York Post, he seemed unprepared, uninformed even about issues relating to the big banks that he would like to bring down.

There is no doubt that Hillary Clinton is the most competent and most qualified to do the job. However, while she is not as disliked at Trump or Cruz, a lot of people dislike her. She admits that she is not a natural politician, but she has a politician’s manner of evading painful questions. A lot of people just don’t trust her. Barack Obama was held in check by a Republican Congress who did everything they could to abort anything he tried. Congress seemed to have no regard to what would be good for the country. If Obama was for it, they would block it. If she is elected, Hillary can expect the same lack of cooperation from Republicans in Congress.

The upshot is, no matter which of these characters become the next president, a lot of people are going to be unhappy. Perrin feels sorry for the next president, no matter who it is. The country is going to be in a mess, trying to recover from the wounds that have been opened in this brutal election.

While Perrin regrets not getting into this year’s presidential campaign, there still is hope. At 90 Perrin will still be young enough to run for the presidency in 2020. After the disaster that the next president is sure to face, the voters of America will be happy to see a candidate who will bring common sense and mature judgment to the political scene.

   

PREDICTION

PREDICTION

The next president of the United States will be a Democrat, and for that the Democrats can thank Donald Trump. No matter how the political campaigns go over the next 11 months, Trump will play a major role in the Republican camp, and whatever the outcome for the GOP, the Democrats will come out ahead on Election Day.

Even though he has been held a strong lead in national polls for months, the Republican leadership is desperate to push him out of first place, resorting to a brokered convention if necessary. If the convention opens with Trump holding a plurality of the votes, the electors representing those ballots will be legally bound to vote for him on the first ballot only. On subsequent ballots the electors can vote for anyone they want. The situation opens itself up to three possible scenarios, all of which would lead to a Democratic victory in the general election.

SCENARIO ONE

Trump arrives at the convention with a majority of votes or is able to overcome opposition at the convention and become the Republican candidate. His support comes primarily from older white males with limited education. Twenty-six percent of Republicans have negative feelings about him. Many GOP leaders have said that Trump does not represent Republican or even American values. Most of them, no doubt, like Paul Ryan, will hold their noses and vote for him. However, the Donald will not gather enthusiastic support from the Republican party.

The reality show star cannot expect much support outside of his core followers. He has insulted each of his rivals for the Republican nomination. He has alienated huge groups with his put-downs and gratuitous insults. Fifty-nine percent of the American public has negative feelings about him. If he runs, the Democratic candidate will win the election and possibly win both the House and the Senate at the same time.

SCENARIO TWO

The Republican establishment is able to deny Trump the nomination. In revenge he runs as third-party candidate. In such a case Trump would get votes from people who would otherwise vote for the Republican candidate. Result: a win for the Democrats.

SCENARIO THREE

Trump does not win the nomination and for whatever reasons decides not to run as a third-party candidate. He has been in the leading position for so long that his core followers will still feel that he has been cheated of his rightful prize. Those mendacious Washington politicians, along with the lamestream media swindled the Donald. His core will not then vote for Democrats. Heaven forbid! They will just stay home on Election Day and throw the election to the Democratic candidate, whoever he or she is.

MICHELLE BACHMANN FOR PRESIDENT?

Michelle Bachmann went to New Hampshire to honor the state’s citizens because it was in Concord, New Hampshire, where the “shot heard round the world” was fired. Okay, so it was another Concord, the one in Massachusetts where that happened. The media jumped right on it. That should be no surprise because, as Bachmann said, "...as we know all 3,400 members of the mainstream media are part of the Obama press contingent." Whenever a Republican politician says something stupid, it must be blamed on what Sarah Palin calls the “lame stream media.”

The Congresswoman from Minnesota has also informed us that the founders of this country, "worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States." Evidently that doesn’t include men like Washington and Jefferson, who were slave owners. It also misses that fact that it was about four score and seven years later before slavery actually ended.

And what was Ms Bachmann doing in New Hampshire? What does any politician do in the Granite State the year before a presidential election? Yes, she is considering a run for the presidency. Perhaps Michelle and Sarah could run together. They would be a great pair, both darlings of the Tea Party. At least Michelle doesn’t claim she can see Russia from her front porch in Minnesota. Maybe she even knows the difference between North and South Korea, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

THEY’VE MADE A MONSTER OUT OF ROSIE

A lot of Rosie Thibideau’s friends are saying they don’t recognize her since Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin chose her to be his running mate in the upcoming election. She took a leave of absence from her job at Hank Danford’s garage. A lot of her customers are postponing work on their cars until after the election. They are planning to vote against her because they don’t know where they would take their cars and pickups for repairs if she got elected and moved out of town. “Rosie is the best,” one man said. “That’s why I don’t want to see her leave Madawaska.”

“Rosie don’t look the same no more,” according to store owner Orville Henderson. “She’s wearing lipstick.” One store patron added, “She ain’t worn lipstick since she was sixteen.”

“And what about them pants suits?” another asked. “When I saw her in a pants suit, handing out flyers, for a minute I thought it Hillary Clinton. I don’t think I’ve seen Rosie wear anything but jeans since she got married.”

“It’s a damned shame,” her boss Hank Danforth said. “Ever since that newspaper guy got her all mixed up about the state of Georgia and the country of Georgia, the Perrin campaign won’t let her talk to the press by herself. She’s home in her trailer right now, studying maps and things about different countries and stuff.”

PERRIN RESPONDS TO CRITICS

Followers of the two major parties are charging that Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin chose Rosie Thibideau as his running mate not for her qualifications but in an outrageous bid to win more votes. Having a woman on the ticket, they charge, is motivated solely to get more woman to vote for him in the upcoming election. Even more important than that, some say, is that Rosie Thibideau will gain him some credibility with conservatives. After all, until a few months ago, Perrin was running as a Democrat who was promising to hold down the price of beer. Finally, they say, Ms. Thibideau has no qualifications to serve as President of the U.S.

Perrin pooh poohs such allegations. “I didn’t even think of her as a woman,” he says. “People in Madawaska agree that she’s the best damned mechanic in town. She is a take-charge person. When Hank Danforth isn’t at the garage, she is in charge. She has executive experience. Furthermore, for the past dozen years she has single-handedly fought a battle against the secular humanists in the school system.” She is definitely a fighter, the kind of vice president, Perrin implies, that will help him turn Washington around.

There was some flap when she seemed to mistake Georgia in the Caucasus with the Peach State, but she later explained that the question took her by surprise. “Anyway,” she said, “if those Russkies try to attack the state of Georgia, we will whip their ass.”

IS PERRIN PLANNING TO RUN FOR CONGRESS—AS A REPUBLICAN?!

Inside sources tell us that Dr Carl Perrin is beginning to see that he has no hope of winning that Democratic nomination. He may even be thinking of dropping out of that race and entering another race—as a Republican!

This is a bad year for Republicans. Between the war and the economy, voters are blaming the GOP for everything that’s wrong with Washington and the country. The party is finding it difficult to find candidates to run for congressional seats.

According to what we hear, the Republican leadership is trying to recruit some erstwhile Democratic candidates to run as Republicans. "Once you get in office,” they say, “you can vote your conscience. We will help you get elected because we want to have some nominal Republicans elected, so we won’t look so bad in November.” Insiders tell us that Dr. Carl Perrin is one of those who has been approached by the GOP.

We have been told that Perrin is considering the offer. The job pays $169,300 a year. That’s a lot more than he ever made as a teacher. Beside that, there are a lot of benefits that he finds appealing.

Perrin denies that he is considering a run for Congress and insists that he is still in the running for the Democratic nomination .

WILL PERRIN BE VICE PRESIDENT?

The candidates are going at it hot and heavy. McCain suggests that Romney is “pandering for votes.” Edwards questions the leadership of the two Democratic senators, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, particularly in reference to the war in Iraq. Obama fires back by saying he was against the war from the beginning, while Edwards voted for the war when he was a senator. Edwards is hitting hard at the two Democratic front runners. If he is able to push them aside and become the Democratic candidate, who will be his running mate?

Speculation naturally falls on Dr. Carl Perrin as the vice presidential candidate, but Perrin says “fugetaboutit” to that. “If John Edwards and I run together,” Perrin says, “I should be the top half of the ticket. After all, I am older than John. We can see what happened the last time the vice president was older than the president. Cheney just took charge of everything.”

Anyway, Perrin is interested in the job only if he can still get his afternoon nap while the vice president does most of the work. Obviously that wouldn’t work if he were the veep.

Perrin concedes that Edwards is a fine young man, even though he spends too much on haircuts. Nevertheless, Perrin is not sure at this early stage whom he will name to be his running mate after he wins the nomination.