Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Critics of conservative Family Values candidate Dr. Carl Perrin are questioning his qualification to be president. He doesn’t have any experience in foreign relations. He’s never even been out of the United States, they charge. He calls himself a Korean War veteran, but he was never in Korea at all.

Perrin spokesman Aristotle Mongoose says that these charges are unfounded. “Dr. Perrin,” he says, “has traveled to Canada several times. He even speaks French a little. The army didn’t send him to Korea, but they did send him to South Carolina and assigned him, a New England Yankee, to the Dixie Division. He managed to get along with them good ole boys from the South and even learned to drink that white lightning.

“Furthermore,” Mongoose points out, “Although Perrin never visited any foreign countries except Canada and South Carolina, lots of foreign students came to him. In his teaching career he has had students from all over the world.”

Unfortunately, mention of alcoholic beverages opens Perrin to another charge. He tries to present himself as a champion of cheap beer, they say, but we have pictures of him holding a martini glass, and we understand he is brewing home-made wine.

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