HE DID IT FOR HIS COUNTRY

Our hats are off to Newt Gingrich. While he was attacking Bill Clinton for his little fling with the Lewinsky Bimbo, Newt was having a little fling of his own. Yes, the Speaker of the House was having his own affair with Callista, a former congressional aide, while he was still married to the second Mrs. Newt Gingrich.
However, Newt had a good reason to fall from grace. It was caused by his passion for his country. "There's no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate," he said. Unlike Clinton, who was evidently just randy, Gingrich did it for his country. You have to admire that kind of reasoning.

And everything turned out just fine. Callista became the third Mrs. Newt Gingrich. They now have a great marriage. Newt has asked for God’s forgiveness for mistakes in his past.

While he was Speaker, Gingrich managed to shut down the government and attack Clinton for doing the same thing he was doing. He told his second wife that he wanted a divorce while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer. But what the hell—no one is perfect. At least he’s smarter than Sarah Palin or Mike Huckabee.

A SLIP OF THE TONGUE

Mike Huckabee criticized President Obama, stating that experiences in his youth led him to resent the West. "One thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya, his view of the Brits, for example, (is) very different than the average American," Huckabee said. Huckabee’s geography was a little off, since Indonesia, where Obama did spent part of his boyhood, is halfway around the globe from Kenya.

When news media pointed out this little gaff, Huckabee became indignant, saying that he was “not surprised the NY Times chose to sensationalize this story. In fact, the New York Times, the AP, and other news organizations ran with the "sensationalized story." It was a “simple slip of the tongue,” he added.

That is understandable. People are always saying “Kenya” when they mean to say “Indonesia.” And the Brits in Indonesia? Maybe he was thinking of something else. The Brits have been in so many places, it is hard to keep track of them.

Perhaps we should be grateful that this man, this presidential candidate, did not claim that he could see Russia from his front porch in Arkansas.

SARAH'S SOLUTION

When a journalist asked Sarah Palin how she believed the president has handled the situation in Egypt, she replied, “And nobody yet has, nobody yet has explained to the American public what they know, and surely they know more than the rest of us know who it is who will be taking the place of Mubarak and no, not, not real enthused about what it is that that’s being done on a national level and from D.C. in regards to understanding all the situation there in Egypt.”

You have to admire her ability to put so many words in a single sentence that defies interpretation. It seems to suggest that some unnamed person or persons in Washington through some feat of black magic know who will be taking Mubarak’s place, and these fortune tellers are not going to share their information with anyone. So naturally, some unnamed person (Sarah?) is not real enthused (You ought to check your grammar on those two words, Sarah) about what’s being done on a national level and from D.C. (Where is Wikileaks when we need them?)

Her solution seems to be that the administration just needs to let everyone know what is going to happen in the future. Why didn’t we think of that?

A HEX ON TAXES

Like other Western governments, the government of Romania is feeling the pinch financially. They tried to increase revenue by putting an income tax on self-employed people—like astrologers, fortune tellers, and witches. Big Mistake. The witches in particular are incensed. They are casting spells on the government that initiated the tax on their businesses.

An especially powerful group, the Violet Flame, practices on Thursday. To protect themselves, members of the government wear mauve every Thursday because that protects them against the evil attacks.

Meanwhile, back in the U S, former Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell still insists she is not a witch. Nevertheless, she is unhappy about the IRS because it is investigating what has been called a misuse of campaign funds for her personal use.

Former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin takes Ms. O’Donnell at her word when she says she is not a witch. However, Perrin has questioned O’Donnell’s qualification for the Senate. He has taken to wearing mauve every Thursday. He doesn’t believe in any of that witchcraft stuff, but why take a chance. You never can tell.

LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK

Some people laughed at Christine O’Donnell’s when she ran for the U. S. Senate from Delaware. She surprised everyone when she won the Republican primary in that state after getting an endorsement from right wing sweetheart Sarah Palin, but in the general election the public laughed at her statements about witchcraft and masturbation. The election wasn’t even close.

Now we learn that she has inked a book deal with St. Martin’s Press. She announced, "The 2010 midterm elections were just the beginning -- the first rumblings of a revolution that has not fully erupted. I plan on making my book one of the revolution's catalysts." The publication is planned for August.

People also laughed when former English professor Dr. Carl Perrin ran for the presidency. They didn’t take it seriously when he came out in favor of cheap beer. Perhaps they won’t consider him so ridiculous if he too gets a book deal. He recognizes that in order to get a publisher to consider him, he needs more name recognition. Perhaps if he not only runs, but gets nominated for something in the next election, he will have a chance.

O’Donnell became a challenger after Sarah Palin endorsed her. Maybe Perrin could get the former governor of Alaska to put in a good word for him. It doesn’t seem likely that Sarah would endorse a liberal like Perrin, but stranger things have happened.

GLAD HE'S NOT RUNNING

Former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin is glad he is not running for office in this election. Politicians are pulling out all stops in their effort to dredge up any dirt about their opponents.

Republican Senate candidate Sharron Angle of Nevada criticized mainstream Republicans in these words. “"The Republicans have lost their standards, they've lost their principles ... really that's why the machine in the Republican Party is fighting against me.” Her opponent, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, is using her words against her.

In Connecticut Democratic candidate for the Senate Richard Blumenthal seems to have been mixed up about whether or not he served in Vietnam. (He didn’t.) His opponent Linda McMahon questions his veracity. “If he lied about Vietnam,” she asks, “what else is he lying about?”

It turns out that Republican candidate for governor of California, Meg Whitman, for nine years had a maid who was an illegal alien. This despite her strong stand about illegal aliens.

And then there is Christine O’Donnell, Republican candidate for Joe Biden’s old seat in the Senate. Every day new dirt about her appears. She used campaign money for personal expenses, she dabbled in witchcraft, she lied about having a college degree, etc., etc.

Carl Perrin’s heart goes out to these candidates. He knows what it is like to have mud flung at him from all directions. When he was running for the presidency, someone dug up the story about his failure to pay the fine on an overdue library book at the Portland Public Library back in the eighties. Even worse, some mud slinger dredged up the story about his having had contacts with “Natashia,” who may or may not have been a Russian agent.

If he were running in this election, Perrin knows, someone would be digging up a story about his addiction to chocolate or something. He has not decided whether to run for office in 2012, but all the digging and mud slinging gives him pause.

CHRISTINE O'DONNELL FOR THE SENATE?

Christine O’Donnell is running for the Delaware senate seat once held by Joe Biden. She has reported earnings of only $5800 in the last year. She has no steady income. She even defaulted on her mortgage. A former aide charged that O’Donnell used campaign funds for rent and living expenses. For years she has been telling people that she graduated from Fairleigh Dickinson University, but in fact she earned her degree only in the last month.

She founded an organization called the Savior’s Alliance for Lifting the Truth. The organization focused on sexual purity and claimed scientific evidence that God created the earth in six 24-hour periods. On the other hand, she once told Bill Maher that she had “dabbled in witchcraft” and once went on a date with a witch. The date ended with a midnight picnic on a satanic altar.

Clearly, Ms. O’Donnell is just the kind of person we need in the United States Senate—even though some prominent Republicans have doubts about her. Karl Rove said, “There’s just a lot of nutty things she’s been saying that just simply don’t add up. I’m for the Republican, but I’ve got to tell you, we were looking at eight to nine seats in the Senate. We’re now looking at seven to eight. In my opinion, this is not a race we’re going to be able to win.”

This woman won the primary with the help of the Tea Party. What we need is a coffee party to help us wake up. At the very least we need to go to Washington on October 30 for Jon Stewart’s Rally to Restore Sanity.