CONSPIRACY

This summer about 1200 special operations military personnel, including green berets and Navy Seals, will be participating in a training operation in the Southwest. The operation, called Jade Helm 15, has Texas Governor Greg Allen worried. He is so worried that he has asked the State Guard to monitor the exercise so "that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed."

It is clear to some people that the exercise is nothing more than a cover for the implementation of martial law. Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones says, "I've hardly ever heard of something joint like this unless they're planning an invasion."

A blog called Freedom Fighters Reports linked the exercise to leaked DOJ memo "calling for an all out gun confiscation and outlawing of firearms." It went on to list various gun control initiatives, including buybacks and background checks.

An unnamed “Texas Ranger,” claimed that there were "trains moving throughout Texas that have shackles inside some of the cars" ahead of the training exercise. He speculated that those trains would be used to transport political prisoners.

WalMart is in on it. The huge retailer recently closed five stores, including one in Texas, without warning. All News Pipeline connected the store closings to Jade Helm 15, claiming that the stores would "be used as 'food distribution centers' and to house the headquarters of invading troops from China, here to disarm Americans one by one."

It’s all very clear to Before It’s News Website. Enemies will hack into banks, causing a financial collapse. This will allow the military to implement martial law.

Former GOP member of the Texas legislator Todd Smith complained about the governor’s “willingness to pander to idiots.” But Texas Senator Ted Cruz supported the governor, saying, “I have a great deal of faith and confidence in Governor Abbott. He is a long-time friend and mentor of mine.”


In a speech in South Carolina, Cruz said, “Just because you’re paranoid … doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.”

IS PERRIN TOO SANE?

Republican presidential hopefuls are falling all over themselves in trying to court conservative Christians in Iowa. Ted Cruz said, there is, “no room for Christians in today's Democratic party,” and added, “There is a liberal fascism that is dedicated to going after believing Christians who follow the biblical teaching on marriage."

Mike Huckabee told a group of conservative preachers that, "We are moving rapidly toward the criminalization of Christianity.”

Noting that bills that both Indiana and Arkansas backed off of “protecting religious liberty” when several large corporations protested that the laws would in fact allow discrimination against gays and lesbians , Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal said, "We've got legislation in Louisiana to protect people of faith and of conscience. Corporate America is not going to bully the governor of Louisiana."

Of course the First Prize for nutcase goes to former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann, who assured us that the Rapture was coming because of Obama’s deal with Iran and marriage equality.

All of these nutcases made us wonder about Carl Perrin. We presented the question to Perrin’s former campaign manager, Aristotle Mongoose: “Is Perrin too sane to be a candidate for the presidency?

Mongoose closed the news conference. “Let me get back to you on that,” he said.

BLAME IT ON OBAMA

The rapture is coming, thanks to Barack Obama. Don’t take my word for it. This comes from Michele Bachmann. The former congresswoman and presidential candidate said we can see the destruction coming, and it’s caused by Obama’s policies on Iran’s nuclear program. Not only that, but on marriage equality. Wow! I didn’t realize that until I read Ms Bachmann’s words. What a revelation!

It gets worse: Obama’s number one goal is to ensure that Iran has a nuclear weapon, Bachmann tells us. Of course! It all becomes clear. I’m surprised that I didn’t see it before. All this stuff about Obama Care and getting Congress to approve his attorney general nominee or even trying to get Congress to do its job has just been a cover up. All the while he must have been working behind the scenes to help Iran get the bomb.

We heard from a “reliable source” that some of the extremists who are vying for the Republican nomination for president have been urging Bachmann to make her views on these issues known. The reason, we are told, is that by comparison it will make them sound almost sane. This is what we heard, but of course don’t believe it.

Not only is Obama's number one goal to ensure that Iran gets a nuclear weapon, but he is an unmitigated socialist. We know that because Ted Cruz said it.

DON'T LET HILLARY TAKE IT WITHOUT A FIGHT

Huge numbers of supporters reacted with shock when Carl Perrin withdrew from the presidential race. “Four or five people have urged me to back in the race,” Perrin told our reporter.

“It’s at least six,” his wife Janet corrected him. “Don’t forget your cousin Tom.”

Since Perrin announced his withdrawal, two Tea Party favorites, Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, have announced their candidacy. Marc Rubio is set to throw his hat in the ring, and Hillary is getting ready to make it official. For a long time she has been the only Democrat with enough power to challenge the Republicans. And now she is dropping in the polls when matched against possible Republican candidates. Perrin supporters have been urging him to enter the contest so that Democrats will have a choice. “Don’t let Hillary take it without a fight,” they keep saying.  

To the great joy of those who want to see a sane and reasonable person in the White House, Dr. Carl Perrin has formed an exploratory committee to consider whether he has a chance to win against all those professional politicians. You can support his candidacy by contributing to his PayPal account.

After Indiana Republicans passed a license to discriminate law, a restaurant called Memories Pizza in the Hoosier town of Walkerton stepped up last week to make sure potential customers knew its religious rules: “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Certification of Heterosexuality, No Service.”

It seems pretty clear cut. Former presidential candidate Carl Perrin spent some time in Indiana. He was stationed there in the army and he went to graduate school at Indiana University. He has no plans to return to the Hoosier State, but he wonders, would he get served now if he ordered a slice at Memory Pizza? The shoes and shirt would be no problem, but where do you get a certificate of heterosexuality? He has been married three times, each time to a woman. Would that be enough, or would he have to get official certificate some place? Would the Memory Pizza people take his word for it that he is 100 percent heterosexual, or would he have to offer some proof, like making a pass at a female employee? If people are going to make rules about things like certificates of heterosexuality, they should make it clear how one get such a certificate.

Please do not take this as a criticism of the right of people to defend their religious beliefs. If I remember correctly, one of the Ten Commandments is “Thou shalt not sell pizza to homosexuals.”

ARE THERE ANY CHALLENGERS TO HILLARY?

Is Hillary Clinton’s nomination as the Democratic candidate for the presidency a foregone conclusion? We certainly don’t hear much about other candidates. Let’s look at some who have been mentioned but have not received much attention.

Jerry Brown. Are you kidding? Didn’t he try that that several decades ago? Four decades ago he was called “Moonbeam.” That should tell you something.

Bill De Blasio? He couldn’t even get elected in New York City.

Eric Holder? A good man, but he has low approval rating.

Rahm Emanuel? Another Obama alumnus, he has the same problem as Holder.

Joe Biden? Does anyone take him seriously?

Brian Schweitzer? Raise your hand if you know who he is. I thought so.

Elizabeth Warren? A lot of people would like to see her run, but she has said, No. No. No.

Carl Perrin? We asked Perrin directly if he is in the running. There is a man who is highly qualified to serve as President of the United States. Therefore we were flabbergasted with his answer when we asked him when he was going to announce his candidacy.

“Everything is such a mess in politics,” he said, “that I don’t want to get in involved in it this time. Maybe in 2020 I will see things differently.”

When we got over our surprise, we asked the retired English professor, “Are you saying, like General Sherman, that if you are nominated, you will not run. If you are elected, you will not serve?”

“No comment,” Perrin replied.

BORN IN THE U.S.A But...

Ted Cruz was born in Canada. He claims he is still eligible to be President of the United States because his parents were American citizens at the time of his birth. They were in Canada because his father was working there.

Here is the real shocker: Carl Perrin may not be a natural-born American. It was recently learned that at the time that Perrin was born in the United States, his parents were still Canadian citizens. If Cruz is an American because of his parents' citizenship, then maybe...?

If Perrin runs for the presidency of the U.S. again, surely some of his opponents are going to bring up the question of his nationality. As one of his detractors said, "If he wants to run for office, let him run for Prime Minister of Canada."