CELEBRITY SPONSORS

If you’re a celebrity, you make millions of bucks for playing sports or being in movies, etc. Then, just so you won’t run out of spending money, big companies pay you even more to be spokespersons for their products.

The problem is, a lot of celebrities are super jerks. They really screw up, and it doesn’t look good for the product being sponsored. Tiger Woods had these little flings with dozens of women, and this upset his wife so much that she took after him with a golf club. Before you know it, companies that were paying him millions of dollars for sponsoring their products are saying they don’t want him any more.

Then Charlie Sheen celebrated Christmas by attacking his wife. She called the cops to protect her from good old Charlie. Wouldn’t you know, Hanesbrands had been using Sheen in an advertising campaign. The underwear company decided it wouldn’t be good for them to be sponsoring someone who tried to beat up his wife on Christmas Day, so they dropped him.

Leisure Village celebrity feels bad for those companies. He volunteered to pick up some of the slack in the companies that had sponsored Tiger Woods. Hard as it is to believe, none of those companies responded to Perrin’s generous offer.

Now Perrin has a proposal that Hanesbrands will not be able to overlook. They can use 79-year-old stud muffin Carl Perrin as their representative. Perrin is willing to pose wearing Hanes underwear. When women see him in his Hanes, they will rush out to buy Hanes for their husbands.

PERSON OF THE YEAR

By now former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin is used to being snubbed by Time magazine. Once again the magazine overlooked him when they named Ben Bernanke Person of the Year. Perrin wasn’t even among the also-rans, which included General McChrystal, “The Chinese Worker,” Nancy Pelosi, and some runner guy from Jamaica.

The online version of Time listed a bunch of “People Who Mattered” in 2009. The list included Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, and Joe (You Lie) Wilson. Evidently it doesn’t matter whether you tell the truth or not as long as what you say is outrageous enough. Olympia Snowe was on the list. We have to admit, she is one of the few semi-sane Republican members of Congress.

Jon and Kate Gosselin made the list. What did they do? Have a bunch of kids and then get divorced. Hey, Perrin says, Been there, did that. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart of “Twilight” were chosen. Perrin was writing vampire stories before they were even born. That clean-cut American athlete, Tiger Woods was on the list.

Dr Carl Perrin was a candidate for the presidency in 2007 and 2008. Has that been forgotten already? Time magazine can go to hell. Perrin has his own little media empire. He publishes the monthly journal, Leisure Times. He maintains the web site, The Leisure Village Voice, and he has his blog, Grammaticus. Through this media empire, he reaches a lot of people. Perhaps Time magazine won’t find it so easy to ignore him next year when they pick the Person of the Year.

LOOKING FOR A SPOKESMAN?

What do AT&T, Gillette, Tag Heuer, Gatorade, Nike, and Accenture have in common? They are all—or until recently--were sponsors of Tiger Woods. In fact Woods makes—or until recently--made over $100 million a year as a spokesman for various products. Since word of Woods’ extra-marital activities have come out, many of these companies are cutting back on commercials with him or entirely ending their relationship with him. As Accenture said, he is "no longer the right representative" of the company's values.

As these companies drop the famous golfer, they must be in need of a public figure to represent them, someone who is highly respected and good looking. Who could fit that description better than former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin? When people know that Perrin uses these products, they will know that they must be good. There may be an ethical problem in sponsoring Gillette shavers. Perrin uses an electric razor. (If the makers of that razor want Perrin to mention it in his blog, they can contact him.)

You can see pictures of two of the products at the top of this page. This plug is free, but if Gillette and Tag Heuer want him to continue publicizing their products, they know how to get in touch with him.

P. S. Perrin is notoriously cheap. You wouldn’t have to pay him $100 million to endorse a bunch of stuff.