RAPE IS PART OF GOD'S PLAN

Sharron Angle is the Tea Party/Republican candidate for the Senate, running against Senate Majority Leader Harry H Reid. She has learned from the mistakes of other extreme candidates that the best publicity comes from avoiding the press, except of course right wing media like Fox News.

Sarah Palin revealed her insights into world events when she confused the state of Georgia with the Georgia, the former member of the USSR, when she couldn’t think of a single Supreme Court decision that she favored, when she referred to Africa as a country rather than a continent. John McCain’s staff soon kept the press away from her, hoping to teach her in a few weeks what she had failed to learn in the previous 40 years. Rand Paul, another Tea Party favorite, revealed that he wanted to go back to the good old days of segregated lunch counters. While there are probably some benighted people would like to do that, most voters find the thought repulsive.

Angle would like to eliminate the Environmental Protection Agency and “transition out” Social Security, whatever that means. She is against abortions, even in cases of rape or incest. Right wingnuts might eat up that kind of talk, but a lot of voters find it pretty scary. So instead of seeking the media to report her views, she has started to avoid them, answering “no comment” to their questions, and steering clear of interviews. The Tea Party tactic evidently is to keep their ideas secret. Rational citizens will not vote for these people if they know what they really think.

MORE POLITICS

Nikki Haley came out ahead in the Republican primary for governor of South Carolina. It will be hard for her to live up to the newsworthiness of Mark Sanford, current Republican governor of the state. You will recall that a year ago Sanford told everyone that he was hiking the Appalachian Trail, when in fact he slipped off to rendezvous with his “soul mate” in South America. Nevertheless, two men have claimed that they had “inappropriate relationships” with the married Haley.

Perennial candidate Dr. Carl Perrin insists that he has not had any relationship, inappropriate or not, with Ms. Haley. He has never even seen her. He did spend a year and half in South Carolina, but that was during the Korean War, before Nikki Haley was born.

Meanwhile on the West Coast Carly Fiorina has maligned the hair of Barbara Boxer, who will be her opponent for the California senate seat in November. Criticizing another politician’s hair is considered a low blow, but characteristic of Ms. Fiorina, who was considered an “unpleasant person” before she was pushed out of her job at HP with a multimillion dollar golden parachute.

Carl Perrin is sensitive to jabs about hair since he has so little of it. If politicians are going to stoop to making fun of other’s physical attributes, we are worse off than anyone thought.

CAMPAIGN FINANCING

Although it has been over a year and a half since the presidential election, Family Values candidate Carl Perrin is still smarting over his bitter loss at the polls. He considered himself so perfect for the job that he wonders why any rational person would vote for anyone else. He has always found some comfort in the thought that many of the voters were obviously irrational.

The recent primary elections have shown another reason why less qualified people were voted into office while Perrin was left out in the cold. Former eBay CEO Meg Whitman spent $71 million of her own money to win the Republican nomination for governor of California. Another former CEO, Carly Fiorina, spent $25 million of her own money to win the Republican nomination to run against California Democrat Barbara Boxer. Billionaire Democrat-Republican-Independent Michael Bloomberg spent mega-millions to secure the job of New York City mayor three times. Jon Corzine spent a fortune to win a senate seat and then the governorship of New Jersey.

It’s no wonder that Perrin never won an election. How could he compete against that kind of money? For his entire year-and-a-half campaign Perrin spent just a few hundred dollars. Most of that was for coffee and jelly doughnuts to get himself going in the morning and cheap beer to relax after a day of campaigning.

Perrin is not actively seeking public office at this moment, but he is always looking for opportunities to get a soft job at taxpayers’ expense. You can help Dr. Carl Perrin win the next election—whatever it may be. Send your contribution to Elect Carl Perrin to Office now. You’ll be glad you did it.

DEBAHLEE AND CARL: TOO GOOD LOOKING?

Debrahlee Lorenzana claims she was fired from her job at Citibank because she was too good looking, too sexy. Because of the way she looked, male colleagues were paying attention to her appearance rather than concentrating on their job.

Perennial political candidate Dr. Carl Perrin says, “I feel her pain.” Although, as far as he knows, Perrin was never fired from any position because he was too sexy, but he is sure that his good looks have kept him back from promotions. If you’re good looking, he says, people wonder if you were hired for your looks rather than for your ability in the first place.

People who know Perrin argue about whether he is a real cool dude or just hot. When asked about the debate, Perrin responded, “Can you be both?”