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Retired English professor Dr. Carl Perrin is on a campaign to make the world safe for democracy by promoting good grammar.
He just published his grammar book SUBJECT MEETS VERB as a kindle book. He explains grammar in easy-to-understand terms and illustrates points of grammar through the romance of Aristotle Mongoose and Melody Moonbeam and the machinations of the Mandible Corporation. Just go to http://www.amazon.com/ and write SUBJECT MEETS VERB in the search box. The kindle book is yours for $0.99.
In another effort Perrin is bringing back his popular website, the Grammar Doctor. Right now it is still a work in process, but you can check the progress by going to http://grammardoctor.net/
Another favorite, Milwaukee’s Best, has declined even further, by 57 percent. Milwaukee’s Best, is “brewed for a man’s taste and is highly drinkable and highly affordable.”
Part of the decline is caused by a switch to light beer, but sales of Milwaukee’s Best Light, another of Perrin’s favorites, have fallen by 36 percent from 2006-2011.
In 2008 Perrin ran for the presidency of the U.S. on a platform of cheap beer. He stayed out of the 2012 election, but you can bet your boots he will be running in 2016. Someone has to stand up for cheap beer
In the book a retired general is the head of a federal agency, the FBI, the CIA or something. The married general has a fling with a married woman, who is twenty years younger than he. There is a second woman, also married, who seems to have her eye on the guy. Woman #1 sends her rival an anonymous email warning her to keep her hands off her general.
Woman #2 is friendly with an FBI agent, who once sent her a topless picture of himself, just as a joke. (Yeah, sure.) Anyway the agent checks #2’s computer and identifies #1 and the general. (Are you still with me?) But the agent also finds that #2 has been exchanging flirty emails with another general, who is also married. She likes to collect generals or something.
General #1 resigns his position. General #2 was in line for a promotion, but that is put on hold until the thing gets straightened out.
Perrin thought that with a plot like this, the book would be sure to become a best seller. He submitted his outline to dozens of literary agents. They all turned him down. Every one of them felt that the plot was too outlandish. “The plot has to be credible to catch the reader’s interest,” one of them wrote. “No one would believe that stuff like this could go on at the highest level of the U. S. government.”
The Republicans were so confident that they would win the election that the candidate bought $25,000 worth of fireworks to celebrate his victory. When the victory went to the other side, Republicans went into a panic mode. Karl Rove had a meltdown on television, insisting that Fox News had given up too soon. When it became absolutely clear that Barack Obama had been reelected, members of the GOP began pointing fingers at each—as well they should.
First of all, the Republicans fielded a bunch candidates who were hardly qualified to be dog catcher, to say nothing of President of the United States. Remember 999 and the buffoon who kept going back to the idiotic idea that Barack Obama had not been born in the United States? Or the woman who thought that global warming was a hoax and who thought that the president was anti-American and who contributed to the “death panel” lies? Or the holier-than-thou candidate who was not only against abortion but also against contraception? Mitt Romney, with all his limitations, was the best of a bad lot.
Then there were candidates for the senate, including the man who stated that legitimate rape (as opposed to illegitimate rape?) could not result in pregnancy and the candidate who thought that even in the case of rape, there should not be abortion because it was all part of God’s plan. (God planned the rape?)
There was the candidate himself, who refused to open his income tax for more than the two years required by law. Did he have something to hide? His plans for eliminating the nation’s deficit did not add up, and he refused to give any details about what income tax deduction he would eliminate. (Trust me, I’m a businessman.)
His finesse in international relations was remarkable. He went to England during the Olympics and insulted his hosts. He went to Israel and put down the President of the United States.
He insulted the people he wanted to vote for him. According to him 47 percent of the American people are mooching off the government. Hispanics, the largest growing segment of the population, should just self-deport themselves back to Mexico. What a way to win friends and influence people to vote for him!
The real surprise is not that the Republicans lost in that election. The real surprise is that anyone except fellow millionaires would vote for Romney. I wonder what you can do with $25,000 worth of fireworks. Maybe he can sell them on eBay.
“It would take me too long to go through all of the math,” Ryan explained. Anyway, 47 percent of the public wouldn’t understand it, so there was no point in trying to explain it to those people. You just have to take Ryan’s word for it. You can trust him, can’t you? He has an honest face. Perhaps you would like to buy a few shares of the Brooklyn Bridge from him.
Mr. Ryan is simultaneously running for the Vice Presidency and for Congressman from Wisconsin. If by chance he is not elected to either office, he can always get a job selling used cars. I would explain how that works, but it would be too complicated to go through it all.
