PENGUIN ATTACKS NEWT

Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich (Is he still running?) was in St. Louis to speak to the National Rifle Association. Before his speech he went to the St. Louis Zoo where he was attacked by a penguin. The penguin pecked at Newt’s hand, after which the candidate required medical attention (a Band-Aid).
Former Independent presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin once lived in St. Louis. At that time he visited the zoo occasionally. Never was Perrin attacked by a penguin or any other creature at the zoo.

What is the difference? Did the St. Louis penguins just recognize Perrin as a good guy and take a liking to him while they knew that Gingrich was up to no good? Maybe the zoo keeper was a Democrat and trained the penguin to attack Republicans. Possibly the attack was not on Gingrich personally but on the fact that he was going to speak to the NRA.

A Gingrich spokesman says that the penguin attack will not deter the candidate from visiting zoos. "Newt is a zoo fan. He will be back," spokesman R. C. Hammond said. He may be back, but you can bet your ass, he’ll be careful around the penguins.

GINGRICH HELPS WITH TAXES

Good old Newt Gingrich. He was going to do all he could to help small businesses. He promised to help owners of small businesses reduce their tax burden. Even though the former speaker has dropped out of the presidential race, he is still doing his bit for tax reduction.

As his campaign ground to a halt, his flow of money dried up. Political campaigns cost a lot of money. All those signs and posters, the travel, hotels, pizzas: they add up. And the campaign doesn’t have enough money to pay all of them. Some venders who supplied material for the campaign have been waiting weeks or even months for their money. Those who tried to collect have been given the runaround by campaign officials.

A former staffer who declined to be identified explained that the situation will be to the vendors’ advantage when they come to pay their income taxes. The money they could not collect can be listed as a bad debt on their taxes. The bad debt will be deducted from income, thus lowering their taxable income. It’s a win-win for everyone, the former staffer insisted.

A BEAUTIFUL MAN

British columnist Samantha Brick wrote about the perils of being beautiful. She writes, "I'm tall, slim, blonde and, so I'm often told, a good-looking woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being pretty, the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks."

Some people have started making fun of Ms Brick for her perceived vanity. Lakewood, NJ, resident Carl Perrin, however, was never one to make fun of other people. He feels her pain. He knows just how she feels.

When he was in his forties, one woman he knew used to call him a “beautiful man.” She was not the only woman who used the word “beautiful” to describe him. Perrin has had a long and successful career as a teacher, a writer, and other stuff. How much of his success, he sometimes wonders, is due to his good looks rather than his many talents.

Even now, in his eighties, people want him to serve on committees, commissions, boards, etc., even though he’s so deaf he can’t hear what the hell is going on. In his heart of hearts he knows they just want him because he’s a pretty face.