Monday, June 13, 2011


Last Thursday former presidential candidate Dr Carl Perrin called a press conference. Everyone assumed that he was going to announce his candidacy for the upcoming election. Alas, media representatives were disappointed. Perrin was not ready to declare whether or not he would be running again.

Instead he served up a policy statement. It all boiled down to his opinion that cheap beer is good for the country. According to him cheap beer will solve all the country’s problems.

Unemployment and business problems would all be solved if more people drank cheap beer. Rather than drinking that expensive imported beer, if Americans spent more money on cheap domestic beer, more people would be put to work brewing, distributing, and selling beer. Obviously that would be good for working people and for businesses. As more people were put to work getting beer out to the public, the overcall business climate would improve. That would be good for the federal deficit because as more people entered the work force, income tax collection would improve. Improvement in business would further contribute to revenue for the federal government. Finally, Perrin said, if more people drank cheap beer, everyone would be happier. The happy feeling would help lift the nation out of the doldrums and bring back that good old American can-do spirit.

Reporters naturally wanted to know whether Perrin had decided whether to run for election again. Refusing to respond to the question, he ended the press conference.


Walt Giersbach said...

So happy to read your explications on beer and chocolate. However, you should warn voters that these two carbohydrates will make your feet grow SMALLER! It's a little known fact that ingesting and imbibing may make someone think they're getting fat, but in reality their feet are shrinking.

grammaticus1 said...

I wondered why my feet were growing smaller!