Dr. Carl Perrin spent a half a century trying to save Western Civilzation by teaching thousands of college freshmen important stuff, like the difference between its and it's. Now he is ready to go on to bigger and better things.
Thursday, December 12, 2019
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
Electronic People
Dmitry
Ikskov is a Russian billionaire. He is the founder of the 2045
Initiative. The goal of the project is
"to create technologies enabling the transfer of an individual’s
personality to a more advanced non-biological carrier, and extending
life, including to the point of immortality. We devote particular
attention to enabling the fullest possible dialogue between the
world’s major spiritual traditions, science and society." In
other words, the goal is to allow people to live forever.
It
sounds wonderful, too good to be true. With this technology you can
go on enjoying life forever. When an electronic copy of your brain is
placed in some sort of robotic body, you no longer have to worry
about the slings and arrows that flesh is heir to. Instead of leaving
your money to some ungrateful heirs, you can continue to enjoy it.
You'll be able to eat rich food, drink champagne, make love to
beautiful people.
Wait!
Robots can't eat or drink—anything. And love? Only in the platonic
sense. Will your money last for centuries? If you don't have a pile
of money when you pass on, how will you maintain yourself in this
life after life? Have you thought about those things?
Before
you sign up to have an electronic copy of your brain made to be put
into some kind of robotic body, you need to ask yourself a lot of
questions. First of all, will this procedure be available to
everyone? Obviously, it will not. The process will take a lot of time
and will cost a lot of money. Many people already are resentful of
the privileges that are available only to the affluent. It will not
seem fair that well-to-do people, who already have so much, will add
extended or even eternal life.
If
the practice becomes widespread, what will we do with all these
electronic people? How will they support themselves? Will they keep
biological people from the best jobs? Will they want to continue
working? How will ordinary people react to them? If ePeople continue
to work, they will hold most of the senior positions in their field
by virtue of their seniority. Do we want our businesses and
institutions run by people whose thinking is decades out of date? Do
we want to keep our talented younger workers from moving into
leadership positions?
If
these electronic people choose not work, what will they do with their
time? Will they just sit back and complain about what a mess the
younger people are making of things?
Where
will they live? Will the typical family include the robotic parents
of both husband and wife? And in time, maybe the parents' parents?
Or since their needs will not be the same as those of biological
people, maybe the ePeople will live in special housing units or even
special communities, like those that exist now for senior citizens.
Most
retired people live on a combination of Social Security and a
pension. Will these income sources dry up after people cease to be
alive biologically? Will the people who run Social Security and other
pensions say, “Sorry, you have died. You can't expect this money to
be coming to for eternity”? If pension plans continue to pay out,
they will eventually run out of money. If they don't continue to
support ePeople, how will they pay for their needs? If they continue
working they will take away the earning of biologic prople.
Will
ePeople be accepted by biological people, or will they be regarded as
some grotesque Frankenstein monsters by real people? How will
electronic people respond to seeing most of their friends pass away?
Will
the ePeople still be considered citizens? Will it be legal for them
to vote or run for office?
Will
this extension of the natural life be pleasant, or will it be a
burden to the electronic people as well as to the biological people
around them?
According
the Psalm 10:90, The
days of our years are
three
score years and ten; and if by reason of strength they
be fourscore
years, yet
is their
strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.
Maybe
there are some things that people should not fool around with.
Monday, October 14, 2019
Open letter to GOP Members of Congress
Despite his lies, his incompetence, his corruption, his lack
of class, his destruction of previously forged agreements with other countries,
you have gone along with President Trump. You have done this presumably because
he has delivered many long-time conservative goals. Under his watch Congress
passed a huge tax cut. He has appointed scores of conservative judges to
federal posts. He has made it much more difficult for the huddled masses yearning to breathe free to enter the United
States .
Let me ask you:
Was it worth it? Was it worth it to have this unprincipled, weak,
authoritarian, impulsive man make uninformed decisions over twitter rather than
heeding the advice of military and foreign policy experts? Was it worth it to
have this crude, low-class ignoramus litter the news with his tweets, his
outrageous charges, his scurrilous attacks against his critics? Was it all worth it?
In his latest
betrayal, he has deserted the Kurds in northwest Syria ,
the fighters who bore the brunt of the battle against ISIS .
He stood back to allow Turkey to attack these people even as they prevented ISIS from rising
again, even as they guarded 10,000 ISIS POWs. He said he pulled American troops
back to get us out of endless wars. Instead his actions have unleashed more war
with even more participants involved.
Do America ’s
promises mean nothing? Can they be cast aside on whim? America was
once the hope of the free world. Now our allies have no faith in our word. We
once saw ourselves and we were seen by others as a shining city upon a hill.
That is no longer true.
Tell me, what
will it take for Republican members of Congress to help cut this cancer out of
the heart of America ?
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
An Open Letter to Nancy Pelosi
Dear Speaker Pelosi:
Every day brings new lies and new outrages. By his own
admission, the President of the United
States put pressure on the head of a foreign
country to find some dirt on Joe Biden, who is one of the leading candidates
for the Democratic nomination. What does this man have to do before the House
of Representatives takes action to impeach him?
Some may feel that impeachment is a futile action because
the craven Republicans in the Senate will not uphold the impeachment. That is
probably true. Mr. Trump will likely be able to hold onto his office until the
end of his term. However, there is a matter of principle involved. The
legislative branch has a responsibility to say, “No more! The kind of things
Mr. Trump has been doing and saying are not acceptable in a President of the United States .”
In the last election We the People elected a majority of
Democrats to the House because we wanted someone to stop Mr. Trump before he
can do any more damage. If the Republicans in the Senate do not vote to sustain
the impeachment, their failure will be remembered in the next election. We the
People will also remember the Democrats who failed to rein in a president who
is so unfit for his job.
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
The Internet of Things
I’m
writing this from Motel Six, where I have been staying for the last three
weeks. I have a nice little house in the suburbs, but my wife Stella won‘t let
me back home.
Stella
is a good woman, but she’s stuck in the last century. She still has a flip
phone, and she won’t have anything to do with a computer. A couple of months
ago I came home with an Amazon Echo. While I was setting it up, she kept
complaining, “Those things can spy on you.”
God!
She’s so paranoid. Have you ever seen an Amazon Echo? You can do anything with
it. You can turn lights on or off, adjust the thermostat, play music, check the
weather or your calendar. You can get the news or ask it a question. It can
answer almost anything you care to ask it. More stuff is coming. In a few
months you’ll be able to order pizza or any takeout and have it delivered to
your house. It’s voice activated. All you do is talk to it, and it will do what
you want.
Stella
wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to show her how it worked. But when her
sister Mavis came over and showed her how she could do things like control the
television or check on the traffic in her morning commute, she became
enthusiastic about it. She would turn the thermostat down to 65°, and I’d be
freezing. I would turn it up to a normal temperature, and then we would be
squabbling. Or I would be watching a game on television, and she would turn it
to some damn cooking show. I suppose we should have just got another TV, but we
were both too stubborn to give in.
Then
we had a big blow-out three weeks ago. I came home after a bad day at work, and
there was some classical music playing on the device. I was in no mood to
listen to that, so I changed it to some soft jazz. She came screaming into the
room, saying, “I was listening to the choral movement of Beethoven’s Ninth
Symphony.”
I
tried to apologize, but she was too angry to listen. I fixed myself a scotch
and soda, and Stella told me I was drinking too much. The arguments went on all
evening.
The
next morning Stella had an early shift at the hospital. I was sitting there,
drinking my second cup of coffee, when there was a knock on the door. It was
Jeanne, the cute redhead next door. The postman had left a letter addressed to
me at her house by mistake.
“You’re
looking awfully glum today,” she said.
I
said it was nothing, but she kept digging, and pretty soon I told her the whole
story.
“It’s
too bad she treats you the way she does. If I had someone like you, I would
know how to take care of you.”
I
tried to protest, but she moved closer and kissed me. And then we were rolling
on the couch, taking each other’s clothes off.
Afterwards
I felt guilty, and promised myself that what had happened would never be
repeated. I would try to be better to Stella and try to rekindle the romance
that had faded away.
On
the way home from work that afternoon I bought some flowers for Stella. At
first I didn’t notice the suitcase parked near the door. Then I heard it, the
dialog between Jeanne and me that morning.
“I
told that thing to record anything that was said this morning. I never dreamed
it would pick up something like this. Your suitcase is all packed. I want you
out of here right now.” She glared at me.
“But,
Stella, where can I go?”
“That’s
for you to figure out. Maybe you could ask that thing for advice, except it’s
too late.”
So
here I am at Motel Six. Stella won’t take my calls, but I have talked to Mavis
a couple of times. Mavis says Stella might take me back, but there are going to
have to be some changes.
“Whatever
she wants,” I told Mavis. “I’ll even take down the Amazon Echo if she wants.”
“Oh,
no. She wants to keep it. We have been learning a lot about computers. She’s
going to get an iPhone and take some computer classes at the local night
school.”
This story first appeared in Mad Swirl
Friday, June 28, 2019
A Robot’s Ransom
I
heard a strange noise in the kitchen. Mr. Fitz told me later that a human being
would have gone to investigate. But I was not programmed to do that so I just
stayed where I was, sitting on a chair in the bedroom.
I
heard footsteps coming through the living room and a rough, gravelly voice
says, “There ain’t nothin’ here worth takin’. That TV is a piece of junk.”
A
high-pitched male voice answered, “We might as well check out the bedroom
before we go.”
The
two of them walked in. First a short, hunched-shouldered man with practically
no neck. His hair was cut close to his skull. He looked like a gnome. The other
man seemed tall at first, but I realized that he was so thin that he looked
taller than he was. He had a scar down his right cheek.
Scarface
looked at me and said, “This must be Old Man Fitzpatrick’s robot companion.”
“I
don’t think that’s gonna do us no good,” the gnome said.
“That’s cause you don’t use your head, dummy.
We can hold it for ransom.”
“We
can’t get much ransom from Old Man Fitzpatrick, can we?”
“We
can get some. These old guys love their robot companions.”
The
gnome shrugged. “I don’t know, Francis.”
Scarface
turned on him. “I told you not to call
me that!” he snapped.
“Sorry,
Frank. I slipped.”
“Well,
grab his feet. I’ll take his shoulders. We better get out of her before Old Man
Fitzpatrick gets back.”
So
they picked me up and headed out the back door. Of course I could have stopped
them, but I hadn’t been programmed to do that. And one of the first things a
robot learns when he is registered is the golden rule: never hurt a human
being.
I’m
not that heavy, but they were moving awkwardly as they moved from the back yard
to the alley. “You don’t have to carry me,” I said. “I can walk.”
The
gnome went, “Yikes!” and dropped my feet. “The thing talked!”
Francis
let go of my shoulders and I stood up. “Yes, I can walk and I can talk. So
where are you taking me?”
“Oh,
ah, we’re just taking you on a little vacation. It must be about time you had a
vacation, isn’t it?” Francis tried to smile, but you could tell he didn’t mean
it. “Don’t pay any attention to the dummy here.” He gestured at the gnome.
“He’s afraid of his own shadow.”
In
a few minutes we crossed a lawn littered with trash to enter a frame apartment
building. On the second floor Francis unlocked the door to let us in. Francis
invited me to sit with them at plastic table in the small kitchen. The gnome
said, “I’ll find some paper to write a ransom note.”
Francis
turned to the gnome and said, “Geeze, you’re even dumber than I thought you
were. You don’t write a ransom note.”
“Well,
how do you let them know about the ransom and stuff?” The gnome’s face twisted
in despair.
“You
cut the words out of a newspaper and paste them into the note. That way the
cops can’t analyze your handwriting and prove that you wrote the note.”
For
the next hour they toiled with the message, cutting words out of an old
magazine and pasting them onto the paper. When they were finished, Francis said
to me, “I’m going to have to chain you to something. I’m afraid you’d get lost
if you went out by yourself.” We went into the bedroom, and he chained me by
the ankle to a heavy chest. I didn’t tell him that I wouldn’t be likely to get
lost because I had a built-in GPS. The two men left, and I sat on the floor by
the chest.
About
a half an hour later I heard a sharp knock on the door, and a loud voice
called, “Open up! Police!”
“I’ll be right
with you,” I yelled back. I lifted the chest so I could free my ankle. Before I
could do anything else, the police crashed through the door with raised
pistols. “Where are they?” one of the
policemen asked.
“They’ve gone to
deliver the ransom note,” I answered.
The other cop went
back into the hallway. “It’s okay. You can come in.”
Mr. Fitz ran into
the room and put his arms around me. “My dear friend, Rupert,” he said. “I’m so
happy to see that you’re all right. They didn’t hurt you, did they?”
“No, I’m fine.
It’s a good thing they didn’t know I could send you an email just by talking
and give you the coordinates of this place for the police.”
A few minutes
later Francis and the gnome came back to find the police waiting for them. They
both seemed quite puzzled by the turn of events.
Sunday, May 26, 2019
BURYING AMBROSE
Carl Perrin
“What’s
that hole in your back yard for?” Raymond asked.
“To
bury Ambrose.”
“You
can’t bury Ambrose in your back yard.”
“Why
not?”
“Because
he’s a robot. That’s why not, Frederick .”
“Of
course it ain’t against the law. It just don’t make sense. That’s all.”
“It
makes sense to me. He’s been my closest companion since Becky died. He’s like a
member of the family.”
Raymond
pulled out one of those stinky cigars and lit it, moving the match around so
the fire touched every bit of the glowing end. He took a puff and blew out the
smoke.
He
shook his head and said, “Frederick ,
you’re my brother, but sometimes I don’t understand you.”
“I don’t suppose you’re going to have a
funeral for him,” Raymond said grinning.
“Don’t
get all sarcastic with me, Raymond Merryweather. I did want to have a regular
funeral for him, but the hypocritical minister wouldn’t have anything to do
with it.”
“I
thought you didn’t believe in that stuff anyway.”
“I
don’t, but it don’t do no harm to buy a little insurance.”
He
sighed and got up to get the coffee pot and offered it to Raymond. Raymond held
up his cup for a refill. Frederick
refilled his own cup and sat back down.
“Don’t
give me that, Raymond. You made a big to-do when your cat Muggins died.”
“No,
hear me out. I was just going to say, machinery can be repaired.”
“That’s
only true up to a point. I’ve had to take Ambrose back to the shop a dozen
times in the last couple of months.”
“So
why can’t they fix it so it stays fixed?”
“It’s
a hardware problem. They can’t put a new operating system in because the
hardware does not have enough resources to support a more up-to-date system.”
“So,
why does it have to have the latest and greatest? What difference does it
make?”
“The
manufacturer no longer supports the operating system with updates, so it is
vulnerable to viruses from the internet. Since you communicate with robots
through the internet, it was always vulnerable. It reached a point where I
could not longer afford to keep getting it repaired.”
“I’ve
never heard of anyone burying a robot before. You could at least take him to
the recycle center. There must be parts that could be reused.”
“Would
you have sold Muggins for spare parts?”
Raymond
got up and hugged his brother. “I’m so sorry that you lost Ambrose. Anyway,
I’ll be here for the funeral.”
There
weren’t many people for Ambrose’s funeral, Raymond and his wife, one of the
neighbors, and a couple of guys who worked with Frederick . An old friend, Jack Stillings,
said a few words over the deceased.
“Ambrose,
you were a loyal servant and companion to Frederick .
You will be sorely missed. Here are some words from Genesis 19 in remembrance: Behold now, thy servant hath found grace in thy sight, and thou
hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewed unto me.
After
they shoveled dirt over the Ambrose’s body, they went inside. Raymond’s wife,
Lucille, had set up some light refreshments. In less than an hour everyone
except Raymond and Lucille had left.
Raymond
took his brother by the arm. “Come on,” he said. “I have something to show
you.”
They
went into the spare bedroom where a robot was lying on the bed that used to be
Ambrose’s.
“I
know you depended on Ambrose for lots of things. I’m getting a new robot assistant.
This is my old one, Fosdick. I’m giving him to you. He’s not Ambrose, but at
least he has an up-to-date operating system.”
Fosdick
looked up at Raymond.
“Come
on, Fosdick, get up and say hello to your new owner.”
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