DEBAHLEE AND CARL: TOO GOOD LOOKING?

Debrahlee Lorenzana claims she was fired from her job at Citibank because she was too good looking, too sexy. Because of the way she looked, male colleagues were paying attention to her appearance rather than concentrating on their job.

Perennial political candidate Dr. Carl Perrin says, “I feel her pain.” Although, as far as he knows, Perrin was never fired from any position because he was too sexy, but he is sure that his good looks have kept him back from promotions. If you’re good looking, he says, people wonder if you were hired for your looks rather than for your ability in the first place.

People who know Perrin argue about whether he is a real cool dude or just hot. When asked about the debate, Perrin responded, “Can you be both?”

SHOULD PERRIN RUN FOR CONGRESS?

Ever since his disastrous defeat in the 2008 presidential campaign, retired English professor Dr. Carl Perrin has shied away from politics. Now recent political developments make him wonder if it isn’t time to give the electorate another chance to vote him into office. He reasons that if he can get elected to Congress, he will add another qualification to his already impressive resume.

This seems to be the year for outsiders to get elected. Primary voters said no to Republican-turned-Democrat Arlen Specter’s bid for reelection. Republican Governor of Florida Charlie Christ dropped out of the primary race for the U. S. Senate because he had a strong challenge from the right. Christ is running for the seat as an Independent. Trey Grayson, protégé of Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, lost the primary race for Senate seat from Kentucky to political upstart Rand Paul.

Connecticut attorney general Richard Blumenthal was (is?) running for the Democratic nomination for the Senate seat being vacated by Chris Dodd. It turns out, however, that he has been claiming service in Vietnam when in fact he was able to get five military deferments during the war and then went on to join the Marine reserve. He never went to Vietnam.

On the Republican side, Indiana Congressman Mark Souder is resigning from office after knowledge of his fling was a staffer became public. Souder was big on preaching abstinence, but only for other people, it seems. He stated, "I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff." If people like Blumenthal and Souder aren’t careful, they’re going to give politicians a bad name.

Carl Perrin is grateful to people like Blumenthal and Souder because compared to them, he seems like a saint.

SARAH’S NEW BOOK

Sarah Palin has become a multimillionaire just from the sales of her first book, “Going Rogue.” She makes up to $100,000 a pop for making a speech. She quit her dead-end day job as Governor of Alaska just in time to bring the big bucks rolling in.

Not satisfied with that (and why should she be?) Sarah is bringing out another book in the fall. “America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag” is scheduled to be released in November, just in time to buy it for Christmas. No doubt Harper Collins is giving her a seven-figure advance for her effort. The new book is going to include “selections from classic and contemporary readings that have moved her.” In other words, a lot of the book is just going to be copied from other sources. Furthermore, someone is going to help her put the thing together. She is really getting a sweet deal: Millions of bucks with minimal effort.

In the meantime, Dr. Carl Perrin, who was a little-known candidate in the 2008 presidential race, wrote a book about his own unsuccessful campaign. “My Run for the White House” is taken from entries in this blog. It follows the struggle from the beginning to the bitter end. Photos of Perrin with various women kept popping up, causing people to wonder if he was too much of a good-time guy to be president. One picture shows him with “Natasha,” a woman smoking a cigar and wearing a mustache. Questions arose: Was Natasha a man or a woman? And more serious: Was he/she a Russian spy? Perrin insisted that he never noticed the mustache. Anyway, he claimed that “Natasha” was only a friend. There seemed to be a lot of women who were “only friends.”

Perrin also had problems with haircuts. When John Edwards was paying $400 for a haircut, Perrin was paying only $8. When he posted this on his along with an appeal for funds for a more expensive haircut, people responded by asking where he got his hair cut for only $8.

Fund raising was always a problem for former English professor. His biggest source of funds was from returnable cans and bottles in Maine. Other candidates took money from wherever they could get it, but Dr. Perrin noted that if he were elected, he would owe loyalty only to the people of the United States and not to any special interests. When Hillary Clinton had to return over $800,000 to dubious donors, Perrin announced that he hadn’t had to return any campaign funds.

Various candidates promised everything on a silver platter. Perrin promised only one thing: that he would keep the price of beer affordable. A vote for Perrin, he would say, is a vote for cheap beer.

If the book ever gets published, it is sure to become an instant classic. Publishers to whom Perrin sent queries evidently just laughed and threw the query in the trash. Now that Sarah Palin is bringing in even more money for the books that other people are writing for her, Perrin is beginning to feel desperate. He is going to self published the book and sell it for $10. As soon as he gets 100 orders, he will send the manuscript to the press. If you don’t want to wait that long for your copy of “My Run for the White House,” just send $5 to Perrin’s Paypal account, and he will send you an electronic copy.

SMUT IN PUBLIC PLACES

WARNING: Do not let children look at this page.

The state seal of Virginia depicts the Roman goddess Virtus standing over the fallen body of Tyranny. The problem is the seal shows the goddess wearing a toga over her shoulder, and her left boob is exposed.

The state’s attorney general Ken Ciccinelli decided to do something about the flagrant pornography of the seal. He presented his staff with lapel pins that changed the picture of the breast-exposing Virtus to a more modest image with the goddess wearing armor that covers both breasts.

We’re happy that Cuccinelli did something about this display of a half-naked Virtus. Think how difficult it must be for state workers in Virginia to be exposed to that bare breast! How can they concentrate on whatever state workers concentrate on? We need more people like Virginia’s attorney general to clean up smut in public places.

We apologize for putting the picture of a half-naked goddess on our page. However, we want our readers to see how bad this must be for state workers in Virginia.

MIRROR IMAGES

Former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin likes to think that he and former VP candidate Sarah Palin are opposites in every way. However, even though Perrin would like to deny this, he and Sarah have a lot in common.

The former Alaskan governor talks about stuff like “Obama death panels.” She gets paid big bucks to make a speech to the tea party convention. She’s against everything the Democrats are for. Nevertheless, one of the reasons she attracts so much attention is—let’s face it—she’s hot!

Perrin knows how she feels. Although he is a lot older than Palin, a lot of people think that Perrin himself is pretty hot. “It’s pretty discouraging,” the former English professor says, “when you want to be taken seriously, and women are thinking: Wow! What a hunk!”

Palin campaigns against death panels. Perrin campaigns for cheap beer. People buy Newsweek magazine because it has a picture of Sarah Palin in shorts. People look at Perrin’s blog to see a picture of him in shorts.

Perrin protests that he wants to be taken seriously, but he is realistic. “If people want to vote for me because they think I’m sexy, that’s okay,” he says. “After all, a vote is a vote, no matter what the motivation is.”

MIRROR IMAGES

Former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin likes to think that he and former VP candidate Sarah Palin are opposites in every way. However, even though Perrin would like to deny this, he and Sarah have a lot in common.

The former Alaskan governor talks about stuff like “Obama death panels.” She gets paid big bucks to make a speech to the tea party convention. She’s against everything the Democrats are for. Nevertheless, one of the reasons she attracts so much attention is—let’s face it—she’s hot!

Perrin knows how she feels. Although he is a lot older than Palin, a lot of people think that Perrin himself is pretty hot. “It’s pretty discouraging,” the former English professor says, “when you want to be taken seriously, and women are thinking: Wow! What a hunk!”

Palin campaigns against death panels. Perrin campaigns for cheap beer. People buy Newsweek magazine because it has a picture of Sarah Palin in shorts. People look at Perrin’s blog to see a picture of him in shorts.

Perrin protests that he wants to be taken seriously, but he is realistic. “If people want to vote for me because they think I’m sexy, that’s okay,” he says. “After all, a vote is a vote, no matter what the motivation is.”

CARL PERRIN MAGAZINE

Former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin doesn’t agree with Sarah Palin on many things, but he has to admit he admires her. She got out of that dead-end job of Governor of Alaska when he realized she could make some real money in the media business.

Right away she had someone dash off a book for her to sign. She got a hefty advance for the book Going Rogue, which became an immediate bester seller. Then Fox News started paying her to get on their shows and tell people what real Americans believe. Now she goes to a tea party and gets paid for giving a speech that someone else will probably write for her.

Her latest enterprise is a single-issue magazine, Sarah Palin: the untold story in her own words. The magazine will retail for $8.99 and will be on sale through the end of April. It will contain lots of pictures of the former VP candidate. The magazine cover asks: Can she save America?

Carl Perrin admits that Sarah inspires a lot of envy in him. Her book is a best seller; he can’t even get a publisher for his book My Run for the White House. She gets $100,000 for giving a speech to the tea party. Perrin can’t even get an invitation to give a free speech to the beer party.

Now Perrin is ready to follow Sarah’s lead. He is going to come out with his own single issue magazine, Carl Perrin: the untold story. The cover will feature a flattering picture of Perrin and ask the question: Can he save cheap beer?

It’s going to sell, not for $8.99 but for $7.99. You can order your copy right here. We will start printing as soon as we have 200 paid orders. The first 100 orders will also get an autographed picture of Dr. Carl Perrin.