HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS

Donald Trump has a curious way of making friends. According to him, Mexicans in the U.S. are murderers and rapists. John McCain is not a hero because he was captured. Anyway, McCain is a dummy. President Obama is incompetent. Karl Rove is a loser, as are his opponents in the contest for the Republican nomination.

Trump’s opponents are not just losers, but John Kasich is desperate, Rick Perry needs new glasses, and Lindsay Graham is a stiff. Trump said this as he gave out Graham’s phone number on television. Politicians can be bought. He gave a lot of money to Rand Paul as well as to the Clinton Foundation. Because of that gift, Hillary was forced to come to Donald’s wedding.

Reporters are a dishonest lot. Fox news anchor Chris Wallace is living in a dream world. Debate moderator Megyn Kelly asked him some tough questions because she was having her period. He has called women “fat pigs, slobs, and animals.”

Clearly Trump can charm the socks off anyone. If he keeps going, it won’t take long to alienate everyone who has missed his venom so far. 

RAPE IS PART OF GOD'S PLAN

Sharron Angle is the Tea Party/Republican candidate for the Senate, running against Senate Majority Leader Harry H Reid. She has learned from the mistakes of other extreme candidates that the best publicity comes from avoiding the press, except of course right wing media like Fox News.

Sarah Palin revealed her insights into world events when she confused the state of Georgia with the Georgia, the former member of the USSR, when she couldn’t think of a single Supreme Court decision that she favored, when she referred to Africa as a country rather than a continent. John McCain’s staff soon kept the press away from her, hoping to teach her in a few weeks what she had failed to learn in the previous 40 years. Rand Paul, another Tea Party favorite, revealed that he wanted to go back to the good old days of segregated lunch counters. While there are probably some benighted people would like to do that, most voters find the thought repulsive.

Angle would like to eliminate the Environmental Protection Agency and “transition out” Social Security, whatever that means. She is against abortions, even in cases of rape or incest. Right wingnuts might eat up that kind of talk, but a lot of voters find it pretty scary. So instead of seeking the media to report her views, she has started to avoid them, answering “no comment” to their questions, and steering clear of interviews. The Tea Party tactic evidently is to keep their ideas secret. Rational citizens will not vote for these people if they know what they really think.

SHOULD PERRIN RUN FOR CONGRESS?

Ever since his disastrous defeat in the 2008 presidential campaign, retired English professor Dr. Carl Perrin has shied away from politics. Now recent political developments make him wonder if it isn’t time to give the electorate another chance to vote him into office. He reasons that if he can get elected to Congress, he will add another qualification to his already impressive resume.

This seems to be the year for outsiders to get elected. Primary voters said no to Republican-turned-Democrat Arlen Specter’s bid for reelection. Republican Governor of Florida Charlie Christ dropped out of the primary race for the U. S. Senate because he had a strong challenge from the right. Christ is running for the seat as an Independent. Trey Grayson, protégé of Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, lost the primary race for Senate seat from Kentucky to political upstart Rand Paul.

Connecticut attorney general Richard Blumenthal was (is?) running for the Democratic nomination for the Senate seat being vacated by Chris Dodd. It turns out, however, that he has been claiming service in Vietnam when in fact he was able to get five military deferments during the war and then went on to join the Marine reserve. He never went to Vietnam.

On the Republican side, Indiana Congressman Mark Souder is resigning from office after knowledge of his fling was a staffer became public. Souder was big on preaching abstinence, but only for other people, it seems. He stated, "I sinned against God, my wife and my family by having a mutual relationship with a part-time member of my staff." If people like Blumenthal and Souder aren’t careful, they’re going to give politicians a bad name.

Carl Perrin is grateful to people like Blumenthal and Souder because compared to them, he seems like a saint.