IT ISN’T FAIR!

Some people have all the luck. A prime example is hair. Some people have more hair than they really need, while others get left out. It’s not just vanity; hair can really help men be successful in life.

A case in point is former English professor Dr. Carl Perrin. Two years ago Perrin threw his hat into the ring as a candidate for the Democratic nomination for the presidency. Unfortunately, the voting public found it hard to take a bald man seriously. When it became clear to him that he was never going to win the Democratic nomination, Perrin switched to the Family Values Party. Few people donated money to his campaign, and he wasn’t able to advertise nationally. His candidacy did not even make a blip on the radar screen. If he had more hair, Perrin is convinced he would have been more credible as a candidate.

On the other hand, we have Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, who has hair all over the place. Carl Perrin’s mother told him that envy was not an admirable trait, but he can’t help but wonder, if he had hair like the Illinois governor, he could have been the one trying to sell Barack Obama’s senate seat.

ON BEING FOLLICLY CHALLENGED

Democratic candidate Carl Perrin is demanding that the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) cover men who are losing or have lost their hair. “It’s not easy being bald,” the candidate said in a speech at his retirement village. People call you ‘chromedome’ or ‘baldy.’ That does something to your self-confidence.” Perrin went on the say that being bald keeps you out of certain careers. Some older men are male models. These models might have gray hair, but you never see a bald model. Maybe modeling agencies should follow some kind of quota system. For every six hirsute male model, they should have to hire at least one bald model. The same could apply to female models. If Britney Spears wants to do some modeling, she could still get the job if she shaves her head again.

An article in Time magazine about Mitt Romney described as "looking presidential," partly because of his nice head of hair. How is a bald-headed candidate supposed to compete against that?

Before we leave the subject of baldness, we have to report on an incident that Dr. Perrin had with his barber. Perrin noticed that the guy ahead of him, a man with a full head of hair, was charged $8 for his haircut. Perrin asked why he had to pay $8 when he didn’t have any hair on the top of his head. The barber said, “I should charge more because it’s hard to find your hair to cut!”

When Perrin become president, he promises, a lot of things are going to change.

GREAT NEWS!

Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania have apparently found a cure for baldness. University scientists removed small portions of the outer layer of skin from mice in an experiment. When the skin grew back, hair follicles sprouted new hair! That may be all very well if you’re a mouse, you might say, but the procedure could be used to restore hair to bald men.

Democratic candidate Dr. Carl Perrin naturally was interested in this scientific breakthrough. He realized that with no hair on the top of his head, even a $400 haircut wouldn’t make him look as good as John Edwards. But with this scientific advance, maybe he could compete in the hair department.

Perrin wants his supporters to know that it not vanity that leads to an interest in regrowing his hair. If he were not a candidate for the presidency of the United States, he would not care whether he had any hair at all. However, you may have noticed that almost all U. S. presidents have had lots of hair. The only bald president we can think of in the last 100 years is Eisenhower, and Eisenhower was a hero of World War II when he ran for office.

Perrin doesn’t have the advantage of being a war hero, so the hair question is important to him. Our question is, Would you vote for a bald non-hero for the presidency? Here’s another question: Would you vote for a bald-headed man who suddenly sprouted a full head of hair?

This is important. Please add a comment so that Perrin will know what to do in this important issue.