DON'T LET HILLARY TAKE IT WITHOUT A FIGHT

Huge numbers of supporters reacted with shock when Carl Perrin withdrew from the presidential race. “Four or five people have urged me to back in the race,” Perrin told our reporter.

“It’s at least six,” his wife Janet corrected him. “Don’t forget your cousin Tom.”

Since Perrin announced his withdrawal, two Tea Party favorites, Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, have announced their candidacy. Marc Rubio is set to throw his hat in the ring, and Hillary is getting ready to make it official. For a long time she has been the only Democrat with enough power to challenge the Republicans. And now she is dropping in the polls when matched against possible Republican candidates. Perrin supporters have been urging him to enter the contest so that Democrats will have a choice. “Don’t let Hillary take it without a fight,” they keep saying.  

To the great joy of those who want to see a sane and reasonable person in the White House, Dr. Carl Perrin has formed an exploratory committee to consider whether he has a chance to win against all those professional politicians. You can support his candidacy by contributing to his PayPal account.

After Indiana Republicans passed a license to discriminate law, a restaurant called Memories Pizza in the Hoosier town of Walkerton stepped up last week to make sure potential customers knew its religious rules: “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Certification of Heterosexuality, No Service.”

It seems pretty clear cut. Former presidential candidate Carl Perrin spent some time in Indiana. He was stationed there in the army and he went to graduate school at Indiana University. He has no plans to return to the Hoosier State, but he wonders, would he get served now if he ordered a slice at Memory Pizza? The shoes and shirt would be no problem, but where do you get a certificate of heterosexuality? He has been married three times, each time to a woman. Would that be enough, or would he have to get official certificate some place? Would the Memory Pizza people take his word for it that he is 100 percent heterosexual, or would he have to offer some proof, like making a pass at a female employee? If people are going to make rules about things like certificates of heterosexuality, they should make it clear how one get such a certificate.

Please do not take this as a criticism of the right of people to defend their religious beliefs. If I remember correctly, one of the Ten Commandments is “Thou shalt not sell pizza to homosexuals.”

ARE THERE ANY CHALLENGERS TO HILLARY?

Is Hillary Clinton’s nomination as the Democratic candidate for the presidency a foregone conclusion? We certainly don’t hear much about other candidates. Let’s look at some who have been mentioned but have not received much attention.

Jerry Brown. Are you kidding? Didn’t he try that that several decades ago? Four decades ago he was called “Moonbeam.” That should tell you something.

Bill De Blasio? He couldn’t even get elected in New York City.

Eric Holder? A good man, but he has low approval rating.

Rahm Emanuel? Another Obama alumnus, he has the same problem as Holder.

Joe Biden? Does anyone take him seriously?

Brian Schweitzer? Raise your hand if you know who he is. I thought so.

Elizabeth Warren? A lot of people would like to see her run, but she has said, No. No. No.

Carl Perrin? We asked Perrin directly if he is in the running. There is a man who is highly qualified to serve as President of the United States. Therefore we were flabbergasted with his answer when we asked him when he was going to announce his candidacy.

“Everything is such a mess in politics,” he said, “that I don’t want to get in involved in it this time. Maybe in 2020 I will see things differently.”

When we got over our surprise, we asked the retired English professor, “Are you saying, like General Sherman, that if you are nominated, you will not run. If you are elected, you will not serve?”

“No comment,” Perrin replied.

BORN IN THE U.S.A But...

Ted Cruz was born in Canada. He claims he is still eligible to be President of the United States because his parents were American citizens at the time of his birth. They were in Canada because his father was working there.

Here is the real shocker: Carl Perrin may not be a natural-born American. It was recently learned that at the time that Perrin was born in the United States, his parents were still Canadian citizens. If Cruz is an American because of his parents' citizenship, then maybe...?

If Perrin runs for the presidency of the U.S. again, surely some of his opponents are going to bring up the question of his nationality. As one of his detractors said, "If he wants to run for office, let him run for Prime Minister of Canada."

CAN WE TRUST ANY OF THE PEOPLE?

Hilary Clinton “remembers” coming under fire as she climbed out of a helicopter in Bosnia. Brian Williams “remembers” being in a helicopter that was fired on in Afghanistan. Bill O’Reilly recently claimed that he had covered the Falkland War in a combat zone. A colleague said that, rather than a “combat zone,” it was an “expense account zone.”

A lot of people didn’t trust Hilary or anyone connected with the lame stream media, but a new revelation comes as a huge shock. It turns out that Carl Perrin, beloved publisher of Leisure Times, has his own story that doesn’t quite add up.

Perrin, as you may know, was in the army during the Korean War. From time to time he tells about crawling through the mud while machine guns fired overhead. According to his story, he crawled over logs and under barbed wire while explosions erupted all around him.

It all sounds scary, but recently we learned that although he was in the army during the Korean War, he never came within thousands of miles of Korea. Perrin insisted that the story was true. “I never said it was in combat,” he protested. “It was the obstacle course in basic training.”

The Republican National Committee attacked the Advanced Placement U S History test, stating that it “deliberately distorts and/or edits out important historical events.”

Oklahoma legislator Dan Fisher introduced a bill to stop funding for the AP U S History courses in Oklahoma schools.  Fisher claimed that the course emphasized “what was bad about America” and completely ignored the country’s “exceptionalism.”

 Fisher is part of a group called the “Black Robe Regiment” which argues “the church and God himself has been under assault, marginalized, and diminished by the progressives and secularists.” The group attacks the “false wall of separation of church and state.” The Black Robe Regiment claims that a “growing tide of special interest groups indoctrinate our youth at the exclusion of the Christian perspective.

Conservative school board members in Colorado want to make the Advanced Placement U.S. History course “more patriotic.” The board believes that Colorado “students should only be taught lessons depicting American heritage in a positive light, and effectively ban any material that could lead to dissent.”

In South Carolina conservatives asked the College Board to exclude any material with an “ideological bias,” including evolution. 

A spokesman for the RNC said, “We don’t want student to get too many facts or start thinking for themselves too much. Once they go to college and get “educated” by those pointy-headed liberal professors, they start voting for liberals.

NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX

That seems to be the attitude of politicians running for office. “Vote for me, but don’t ask me what I think.”

Democrats Michelle Nunn running for the U S Senate in Georgia and Alison Lundgren Grimes running for the Senate in Kentucky both declined to say whether they had voted for Obama, the Democratic president. Were they ashamed of having voted for the head of their own party in a presidential election?

Two Republican governors, both possible candidates for the White House in 2016, declined to say whether they believe in evolution. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal declined to answer, saying, "The reality is I'm not an evolutionary biologist.”

When Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker was asked if he believed in evolution, he answered, “For me, I am going to punt on that one as well. That's a question politicians shouldn't be involved in one way or another. I am going to leave that up to you. I'm here to talk about trade, not to pontificate about evolution."

Both governors want to appeal to those who don’t believe in science.  Walker dealt another blow to education in his proposed budget for the state, which calls for a 13 percent cut in state aid across the university system, for a total decrease of $300 million over the next two years.

Anyway many conservatives believe that state universities have become elite bastions of liberal academics that do not prepare students for work and are a burden on taxpayers.

Unlike these craven professional politicians, possible candidate Dr. Carl Perrin, admits freely that he voted for Obama twice, and he believes in evolution. His stand on beer remains constant: He wants to be sure that Americans will always be able to afford a six-pack of cheap beer.