PERRIN'S REGRETS

Former presidential candidate Carl Perrin is beginning to regret that he withdrew from the race. Herman Cain stayed in long after he should have withdrawn because he was getting his name out and generating sales of his book.

Former House leader Newt Gingrich is going one better. He gives a political speech and then offers his books (plural) for sale. At the same time his wife Callista sells some of the children’s books that she wrote.

Perrin has written a few books also He really regrets the missed opportunity. He could have given a speech about the value of cheap beer and then offer some books for sale. You can find out about some of his books at this link:carlperrin.com

If he had stayed in the race, he might even have been invited to Donald Trump’s circus debate along with Gingrich and Rick Whatisname. Perrin would have brought his birth certificate along so he would be ready for the important issues that Trump would be likely to cover.

Like everyone else, former presidential candidate Dr. Carl Perrin has a few regrets. One of those is that he didn’t follow the example of pizza man Herman Cain. While Cain was pretending to run for the presidency, he actually got his name out in a way that would promote his book, My Journey to the White House.


Perrin could have done the same, but he took his candidacy more seriously than Cain did. Now Perrin’s book is out, Elmhurst Community Theatre. The novel recounts the travails of an out-of-work actor who struggles with a rag-tag cast to produce one of the worst plays ever written. At this point it is available only as an electronic book, which can be purchased from Amazon.com as a kindle book or from Barnes and Noble for a nook reader.

Click on Perrin’s website to get more details:

carlperrin.com

CAMPAIGN DIRT

For some reason lots of Republicans liked Herman Cain, despite his half-baked tax ideas, his confessed ignorance of foreign policy, and his ability to come down on all sides of issues like abortion. Now questions about sexual harassment seem about to derail his campaign for the presidency.

Some insiders are speculating that former Independent candidate Dr. Carl Perrin dropped out of the race a few weeks ago because he feared that opponents would dig up skeletons in his past.

Certainly there was plenty of dirt dug up about him when he ran for the office in 2008. Some charged that he got away with not paying a fine for an overdue book at the Portland, ME, library in 1989. He protested his innocence in that matter, but was not able to produce a receipt to prove he had paid the $1.60 fine.

Political opponents charged that the former English professor was a chocoholic. He did not deny that charge, but claimed that he had the addiction under control. He was not, he said, going to get hopped up on Hershey bars and invade Nova Scotia or anything like that.

Although he campaigned on a platform of cheap beer, some acquaintances alleged that he was a secret oenophile. He angrily denied that and insisted that his beverage of choice had always been cheap beer.

The biggest bombshell to drop on Perrin’s campaign was the accusation that he had been in an improper relationship with a transvestite Russian spy named Natashia, shown above with Perrin in his reserve officer’s uniform in the 1970s. When confronted with the allegation, Perrin angrily stated that he never noticed that Natashia had a mustache, and anyway, it was not that kind of relationship. They were just friends, the former professor claimed.

Political insiders speculate that there were even more damning secrets in Perrin’s past. He dropped out of the campaign of fear that they would come to the surface to haunt him.

LIBERALS KILLED CHRIST?

Last December Herman Cain wrote an article in which he claimed that Jesus was killed by a “liberal court.” According to the pizza man, Jesus was not read his Miranda Rights when he was arrested, and a liberal court found him guilty of false offenses because he had changed the hearts and minds of men. It’s not clear to me why Cain finds this a “liberal court,” but it an example of the man’s thinking.

Mr. Cain had this to say about the Wall Street protesters, "Don't blame Wall Street. Don't blame the big banks. If you don't have a job and you're not rich, blame yourself." One of his fellow Republican candidates (Ron Paul) criticized Cain for blaming the victims.

Cain’s signature proposal, the 9-9-9, would pile a huge burden of taxes on the poor and the middle class.

And yet, he received 37 percent of the Republican straw vote in Florida, 55 percent of the straw vote in South Carolina. And 77 percent of the TeaCon straw vote in Schaumburg.

Amazing!

NUDE POLITICIANS

When Senator Scott Brown was a student at Boston College Law School, he posed in the nude for Cosmo magazine. The money he got for posing helped pay his tuition at law school. Elizabeth Warren, the woman who will probably be his opponent in next years’ senatorial race, was asked how she financed her education. She said, “I kept my clothes on.” Brown’s response was, “Thank God.”

The infighting between these two candidates brought out an incident in one-time presidential candidate Carl Perrin’s campaign. Campaign funds had shrunk so low that there was not enough money even to buy a case of cheap beer. Thinking of Scott Brown’s fund raiser for college tuition, Perrin thought about posing in the nude to raise campaign funds. His family was dead set against it.

“If I could someone to pay me to take off my clothes,” the candidate insisted, “we could enough money to get the campaign in gear.

“You’re 80 years old,” his wife said. “Believe me, no one wants to see you naked.”

“I may be 80, but I’m in pretty good shape for a geezer,” he replied. “Besides, it would be good publicity.”

“That’s not the kind of publicity a presidential candidate needs.”

“It’s not just the publicity; it’s the money,” the former English professor maintained.”

“If you need money,” his great granddaughter offered, “I’ll let you have my lunch money.”

To give Perrin credit, at least he didn’t take the kid’s lunch money. And the public was spared the sight of a nude octogenarian.

14 PERCENT APPROVAL RATE FOR CONGRESS

According to the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll, only 14 percent of the American public approves the job that Congress is doing. What in the hell is wrong with these people? Where has this 14 percent been the last few years? Camping out on Mars? Hiding under a rock? Doing a Rip Van Winkle?

Just what accomplishment of Congress do these people approve of? The fact that they have done nothing? Their blockage of every attempt to solve problems? Their failure to come up with any solutions of their own? Their habit of saying “no” to everything? The fact that they almost succeeded in shutting down the government twice in the last six months? Have I left anything out?

Politics has always been a dirty word, but the current Congress has taken Congressional malfeasance to a new low level. What would our elected representatives have to do to win the disapproval of the 14 percent? How could they be any worse than they already are?

WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON IN NJ?

Presidential candidates in the Garden State are dropping like flies. First Independent candidate Dr. Carl Perrin declares that he will not be running in the 2012 election. Next Governor Chris Christie says, neither is he. Probably the governor figured that if Perrin didn’t have a chance of winning, he didn’t either.

A lot of people assumed that Perrin dropped out of the race because of lack of campaign funds. Since Perrin’s announcement, donations have been pouring in to campaign headquarters. As of yesterday, the treasury had almost $10.00. “Just a few more dollars,” the erstwhile candidate announced, "and we will have enough to buy a case of cheap beer."

Perrin supporters have been urging him to reconsider. “We really need someone who appreciates cheap beer,” one campaign donor said. “We need someone who can stand up to those wine snobs,” another contributor added.

“I’ll think about it,” Perrin said, “after we collect enough dough to buy a case of cheap beer.”